Had anyone here not told many about their pregnancy?

lindsay.lou · November 2009

I was 8.5w when I m/c yesterday. Believe it or not, the only people who knew about the pregnancy were the nurse at my school (only because she had swine flu vacs, but only for high risk, so I told her so I could get one) and my bff. NO family knew (we were telling at Christmas) and no other friends knew.

We kept it a secret specifically because we didn't want to have to "untell" people if the worst happened. But....I feel lonely. And I feel "guilty" for having this huge secret. I feel like a liar when I talk to my mom and my girlfriends and I don't tell them about the HELL I've been through for the past 48 hours. I mean, I talked to my mom on the way home from the ER! I felt like a big fat liar telling her we were just "out running errands." On the other hand, I do believe in my heart that it's better that she doesn't know.

Anybody else dealing with their m/c (mostly) by themselves?

juliagulia322 · November 2009

I hadn't told anybody about it until after it happened. We were going to wait until 12 weeks to tell people. I wound up telling my mom the day I found out I would be miscarrying and told my friends when I saw them over the holiday.

Orchard27 · November 2009

My DH and I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks. We were going to wait, but we couldn't and we each told one person. I miscarried at 5 weeks. We were both in so much emotional pain that we needed our family and friends and so we told them all. We were thoroughly supported and neither of us regret our decision to tell when we did.

I am very sorry for your loss and wish you all the best as you slowly heal.

marrie2himonly · November 2009

lindsay.lou:

I was 8.5w when I m/c yesterday. Believe it or not, the only people who knew about the pregnancy were the nurse at my school (only because she had swine flu vacs, but only for high risk, so I told her so I could get one) and my bff. NO family knew (we were telling at Christmas) and no other friends knew.

We kept it a secret specifically because we didn't want to have to "untell" people if the worst happened. But....I feel lonely. And I feel "guilty" for having this huge secret. I feel like a liar when I talk to my mom and my girlfriends and I don't tell them about the HELL I've been through for the past 48 hours. I mean, I talked to my mom on the way home from the ER! I felt like a big fat liar telling her we were just "out running errands." On the other hand, I do believe in my heart that it's better that she doesn't know.

Anybody else dealing with their m/c (mostly) by themselves?

Hugs to you...and I am so sorry for all you have experienced.

We did not tell family just a couple of friends (more of my friends than dh friends know). We were waiting to hear the heart beat....and well, that is when everything for us went terribly wrong. I am still unsure about not telling at least our families but honestly everything happened just so very fast:(!

monica92603 · November 2009

my situation is sort of different but I just wanted to say don't be so hard on yourself about not telling before now, and if you feel you need to, please tell someone now. They may be heartbroken for you, but they will understand.

I've done nothing but be protective of my family through my baby/non-baby journey. I had a m/c years ago at 11 weeks. I had literally JUST told my mom before I found out about the loss. This time, obviously everyone knew I was pg. I went into 2 surgeries w/out telling my mother so she wouldn't be worried sick about me.....the d&c at 11 weeks and an emergency c-section this past time. In that respect, I keep the scary stuff to myself. I cannot even reasonably explain to you how much I.DO.NOT.WANT.PEOPLE. worrying about me.

My H is my rock. He gives me such a ridiculous amount of love and support that sometimes I think all I need is him. When we are successful in getting pg again, it is going to take a long long time for us to tell people we are pg. I can honestly say that if I could get away w/ not telling anyone till after the baby is born, I swear to God I would. I say I hope to get to 20 weeks and after the anatomy scan to tell people so I can tell them there is a good chance at a healthy baby.

I do not blame you for protecting your family, b/c that is what you are doing. It is stressful though. H is the only one who sees me cry, even though it isn't often. It is HARD and I do feel for you. Do remember one thing though (that my friends tried to stress to me). She IS your mother and she would probably be pissed as hell (LOL) that you didn't tell her.

Be good to yourself.

Sonadora · November 2009

Yeah. We had only told our parents.

It's very lonely. I've ended up telling a few more people since because I can't deal with it alone.

Temp950106187509203 · November 2009

We'd told our two best friends, two random friends who guessed it, and my priest back home. The best friends, we untold via email (haven't seen them in person since it happened, and it just seemed easier that way, since we could read their responses on our own time and cry without having them there staring and feeling uncomfortable). We're just going to let the random friends figure it out. I'll tell my priest when I see him at Christmastime.

We were waiting until Christmas to tell our families, so none of them know at all. We probably won't say anything unless it somehow comes up ("when are you going to have kids?" comments, etc.). It did really suck when my grandmother (who raised me) called the next day just to chat and I had to act like everything was fine, but over all I think this way is better for us, just with my temperament. I hate being pitied more than pretty much anything else, and I don't think I could handle the sad eyes and people not knowing what to say.

Wow, that was long-winded. Sorry.

grr_aargh · November 2009

I told people about our last m/c after the fact - it was a chemical, so we'd only known for a few days ourselves. The one before that, family knew we were pregnant (or some family). The first one, everyone knew. . .

I'm not sure which was easier. . . honestly, it was important for me to have support, so even telling them after the fact was good.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you can find support where you need it - this is an excellent place to lean if you can't lean on your family.

candylies · November 2009

We told no one about our pregnancy and then I only told my sis about the m/c after it happened. It is kind of lonely. I kind of do want to tell people what happened especially since everyone knows we are currently ttc, we are soon going to get the 'when are you going see the dr about fertility testing'. I have actually avoided talking to some friends because they bring up ttc every freaking time I talk to them. They probably would not if I told them about the m/c.

CoachBaby · November 2009

We definately told more people after my m/c than we had told we were pregnant. I also wanted to wait a little while until things felt more definite and now I'm glad we did. I tend to be incredibly private and for me it felt like having to not un-tell was easier than having the support of people who knew. Does that make sense?

Annoyed Bridesmaid (and Former Bride) · November 2009

We didn't tell anyone at all that we were pregnant. I waited until the day after my d&c to tell my mom and my sisters. It was the hardest thing, but at the same time it was a huge comfort and relief to tell them about what I had been through. Over Thanksgiving I was so glad they were there for me for support. Especially considering one of my cousins announced to everyone she was 10 weeks pregnant. It was a tough weekend, but having a friend or family member who's there for you is sometimes what you need to get through it.

MSC03 · November 2009

If you want to, I'd go ahead and tell any family members/friends who can be a support system for you. You need it!

((HUGS))

Want a personalized experience?

Had anyone here not told many about their pregnancy?

Re: Had anyone here not told many about their pregnancy?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards