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1st Trimester
Crisnina
member
Getting DH involved
Crisnina
member
I was wondering what you all are doing to get DH to feel involved and to help him understand what you are going through? My DH is not a big reader but I feel like I should get him something so he understands how things will be changing and how I might be feeling. He doesn't really understand how things progress in a pregnancy. Every week I let him know how big the baby is and what should be developing that week.
Example: SIL is 14 (almost 15) weeks pregnant. She is now starting to show. DH doesn't believe it's pregnancy belly but that she just hasn't been working out like she used to (she used to be a bigger girl). He claims that my mom didn't show w/ my lil sister until she was about 7 months pregnant!! I tried to explain that people can start showing early but generally it happens sometime after 12 weeks. Any ideas?
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Re: Getting DH involved
DH wasn't really to into at first either but is coming around to it. Actually last night he wispered in my ear 'Guess what we are going to have a baby'.
It was really sweet. They will come around in their own terms. Maybe once he sees how your body is changing with seeing you everyday he will see that it's normal to start showing early. Not to mention there is the whole dreaded bloat factor.
DH and I read "Your Pregnancy Week by Week" together. I knew he wasn't as into it as I was, but he still read it with me and would comment on things like "wow, it's growing eyelashes right now?! That's crazy!" The nice thing is it literally only took about 3 minutes to read a week, so we would do it together every Sunday night before bed. Kinda just made it a "routine."
Other than that, it's normal for a DH to be kinda disconnected, since they don't get to experience it as first-hand as we do!
Just pump him full of knowledge, that will help.
I have no thoughts on how to get involved. He just sounds like he needs a 6th grade health book. You really can't force someone to be involved or to learn about something if they aren't interested. He has no attachment to the baby right now so it's not abnormal.
You both may want to check out the book "Baby proofing your marriage"
I read him the weekly update on Bug's development, and send him articles from the Bump that I think he might find useful to his email.
I sat him down and had a big talk with him, about feeling alone and ugly and gross and helpless. I think he got it after 6 weeks of m/s 5-8 times a day, after crazy ice cream and skittles cravings, and after I couldn't stop crying.
He asked for books about what a Dad can expect, and says that the articles have helped put things into perspective. I try to send him things little by little so he doesn't get too overwhelmed.
He also talks to the Baby everynight and kisses my belly to say good night - I think that helps him feel connected.
I know this isn't really as "involved" as reading some books....BUT my BF rubs cream into my belly and has his "baby time" every night before bed and we talk about what who think the baby will be like, what the gender is, etc...it's really sweet and even though it's not really him understanding what's going on it's a really intimate moment between the 3 of us
From what I've read is that Daddy's don't necessarily understand until there's tangible evidence of what's to come...ie, you start showing. Hopefully then he'll be more involved in the fun that's to come
Good luck!
I got Dh The Expectant Father, when pregnant with DD. Its broken up into months (not weeks) and it quickly discusses what is going on with baby and then with mom and then has a more lengthy section of what is going on with him. I would bookmark where I was at and set it on his chair.
This time, its so different. We hardly talk about it because we are so busy with DD. Last night I showed him the 8 week fetus on babycenter.com and I think that was the first time he realized this is actually happening...and then he said that our DD will be jealous. I'm sure she will for a while.
Does he/will he go to your appointments? This always helped DH to realize what is going on with the both of us.
Steal my kids picture or pretend they are yours, I will find where you live and ship all of their dirty diapers to your doorstep. Promise.
I send him to the store for stuff I need, like crackers and Powerade, haha. That keeps him involved.
We're also going to be reading the week to week pregnancy book together.
Wow! I'm really sorry your DH isn't more involved and supportive.
DH read "What to expect when your Wife's Expanding" but thought it was a little meh. Through talking with me about other books I'd read it was stuff he already knew but might be new info for your DH.
Also - Jenny McCarthy's book, "Belly laughs"... if nothing else get him to read a funny, light book written by a former Playmate... seriously - any DH can handle that.
Also there's a website called something like "hisboyscanswim.com" or "myboyscanswim.com" or something... google around and you'll get it. It has a How Big Is Baby chart for guys... today baby is the size of a golfball, softball, et.