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Stay at Home Moms
Can you ever really "relax"?....
I can only when everything else is done. Which is nearly never. I'm wondering if this is gender-specific. DH and I had a big fight about it this weekend. I resent him sitting down to relax when there's one billion things to be done around the house. He resents me for nagging him and not letting him sit down and relax in peace, and letting him get to his chores in his own time.
I think really what's happening is I'm envious that he even can relax, since I can't seem to. Obviously unfair of me! How do I re-train myself to allow to just let go and take 5 (or 30!) minutes to sit and chill, even when the house/chores/errands beckon? (I can't fathom using 30 minutes 'free' time to sit and relax - I'd rather chip away at my list of to-do's which seems to grow daily with a newborn and toddler in the house!) Help - am I alone?!?
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Re: Can you ever really "relax"?....
I have just learned to prioritize the chores. Like does the vacuuming really have to be done right now? No, so I let it wait until it does. Do I have to empty the dishwasher right away? No. I also leave any chores for until LO's are in bed for the night. I usually do a half hours worth of chores. That leaves me with a half hours worth of me time before starting my bed time routine.
For things that I know have to get done I just make a list and cross them off as I do them. It helps me to see that I am getting things done even if it takes more than one day to finish the list.
Good luck.
lol- i think a lot of what you describe IS gender specific. At least in my opinion. lol- you sound a lot like myself. I too get frustrated (and envious) that DH can just 'chill' in the mist of a tornado of a disaster- and you are right- it never ALL gets done.
I have just learned how to prioritze things that need to get done better. And quite frankly you do NEED to put yourself on the priority list- because you can only burn both ends at the same time for so long-- until you realize you are one majorly unhappy and bitter person. So- put yourself on the priority list- and then cross your 'free time' off as well as your other chores. Even if it is just five minutes (obviously preferably longer)
No, you are not. I always feel like I have to be doing something. The only time I can really sit down is if I am just exhausted or if DH and I are watching a movie. Even when I'm online, I'm answering emails, paying bills, and right now it's searching for a deal on Christmas shopping.
I hate my to-do list, but with 3 kids running around, it never ends. A lot of it can't be ignored either. It has helped a lot with delegating things to DD#1, but she can't pay the bills or balance the checkbook. My mind is always multi-tasking and while that's nice, sometimes it's just exhausting, lol.
I think I like being busy, but only if it's for me or our house/family. My MIL runs herself ragged and most of it the time it seems to be for other people (excluding me
). She always seems stressed and I don't want to be like that. I like feeling productive and seeing my progress (a stack of clean towels or envelopes ready to mail) makes me content.
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
I feel like I am pretty good at taking time to relax every day while DD is sleeping, but DH is much better at it. Tonight, for example, we were eating dinner, and I was feeding DD at the same time. DH finished, got up from the table, and walked into the family room to watch football (it was a very casual dinner of leftovers, normally he would stay at the table until we were all done). I would never just get up and leave DD while she was eating because someone has to feed her and clean up the mess afterward. To DH, it is natural to just assume that I will be the one to do it. I'm not saying he does nothing with her, he's a great dad (he actually ran errands with her today so I could have some quiet time), but I am definitely always "on" while he is pretty good about relaxing and checking out.
It's kind of the same thing with the housework. I'm always doing dishes or laundry or vacuuming on the weekends when we're home, and most of the time he is reading or going for a run or watching a game on tv. He does do a lot of stuff outside the house (yardwork, etc), but that isn't constant like inside stuff is.
I have a really hard time relaxing. I have no idea what I'm going to do when LO arrives and I have to deal with the house AND a newborn.
I literally cannot sit down and relax unless my house is spotless. I cannot leave dishes in the sink, things out of place, etc. It drives DH absolutely batty but we've learned to deal with it.
I am going to make myself a schedule where I will try to accomplish one thing every day- vacuuming one day, dusting one day, etc. so I don't get overwhelmed. I'm also trying to tell myself that it's okay for my house to get a little disorganized.
I guess I'm the oddball. I can ABSOLUTELY, without a doubt, relax at the drop of a hat. I can tune everything out and just do my thing and not think about anything else! "To do list" be damned!!!!
But I had 3 kids in 3 years, and it is VERY VERY tiring, so my free time is my "free" time. It's why I have a bi-weekly cleaning crew, date nights, wednesday knitting group and one night a week to myself.
I hope you ladies can figure out how to relax!!! It feels so good. It definitely recharges my batteries and makes me even more productive.
Make the decision to let things go a bit and live in the moment. Gotta figure out your priorities.
Over the last 14 months (since DD has been here), I have adjusted my standards and rearranged my priorities numerous times. And I am currently in a place where I am finding the balance that works for the three of us.
For me it means a little more cat hair on the rug, a few crumbs on the kitchen floor, a dumped out box of toys in a random room, and enough moments left for relaxing and enjoying life.
GL