Community› The Bump Message Boards› Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
New Discussion

So classic of me (totally immature whine inside)

Scout05Scout05 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

When we realized we were going to have our third loss, in a row, this year, I was adament about seeking out a genetic counselor and TTA until we got answers.

Classically, now that a month has passed, a big part of me wants to say "Eff it" and just try again when our three cycles are up.

I know I can't do that, and I need to put on the Big Girl Panties and be responsible. Three losses, in a row, first attempt to have a child, does not imply that things are a-ok.

But can I just whine for a minute?

I don't wanna see the stupid genetic counselor. I don't. I wanna pretend everything is fine and just TTC again and get my BFP and have my baby. I don't wanna to get poked by a doc, watch my DH go through all this, wait, wait, and wait some more, and get bad news, and have to change my whole life plan, and deal with it emotionally. I don't wanna dig deep for my inner strength, and learn what kind of woman I am, and emerge a better person. I don't wanna know what I'm made of.

I don't even wanna pick up the phone and make the stupid first appointment with the stupid genetic counselor to get this whole stupid sucky ball rolling.

I. Don't. Wanna.

Oh man. Thank you, that felt good to just get out there.

Report Reply to Post

Re: So classic of me (totally immature whine inside)

  • aksVAaksVA
    I know how you feel.  I just went through it.  It sucked, and the genetic counselor part was a waste of time.  They did find a diagnosis through the b/w, but they were like "it may or may not have caused your miscarriages. Our suggestion is to try this crap (injections, vitamins) which may or may not help next time."  F. You.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • SonadoraSonadora member

    I can totally understand not wanting to go through all that.

    My insurance says it won't cover any testing until I have 3 losses. I told the doctor that if I had three losses I wouldn't need any testing, I'd need a straight jacket and a padded room.

    BFP #1 9/23/09. Missed MC 10w3d D&C 11/3/09.

    BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10

    BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15


    image

    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1cb8c4.aspx[/img][/url]


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • pepomntpatpepomntpat member

    I don't think you are being immature at all. Who the hell would want to go through all of that? That is not how life is supposed to work and it is not fair.

    FWIW, I always make DH make the appointments for things I don't want to or can't deal with. I also make him drive me there if possible.  When I had my last bout of depression three years ago, I asked him to research psychiatrists and make my first appointment. Once the ball was rolling I was okay keeping the appointments and scheduling future ones. Would your DH be okay making that first appointment?  It can help to share some of that burden.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers




    Report Reply
  • Cow-girlCow-girl member

    I totally hear you there girl!  It just sucks!  On the other hand I pray that the genetic dr can figure out what is causing this and you will get your sticky baby soon!

     

    {{hugs}}

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • grr_aarghgrr_aargh member

    I hear ya.

    Have you done thrombophilia panel and other RPL?  Is it time to go to a genetic counselor? or are there some nice and easy first round solutions?

    Finally, look, let's be pragmatic here.  Chances are good there's nothing wrong with you and that it's been bad luck.  Are you willing to risk another loss while plowing forward with a Suzie Sunshine attitude?

    I am.  For the record.  I am.  Because I, like you, don't wanna.  And I don't hafta.  All I have to do is take the "Keep pitchin' em in, one'll stick" attitude.  

    Welcome to the world, Baby Grr!

    My Blog

    Report Reply
  • Scout05Scout05 member
    imagegrr_aargh:

    I hear ya.

    Have you done thrombophilia panel and other RPL?  Is it time to go to a genetic counselor? or are there some nice and easy first round solutions?

    Finally, look, let's be pragmatic here.  Chances are good there's nothing wrong with you and that it's been bad luck.  Are you willing to risk another loss while plowing forward with a Suzie Sunshine attitude?

    I am.  For the record.  I am.  Because I, like you, don't wanna.  And I don't hafta.  All I have to do is take the "Keep pitchin' em in, one'll stick" attitude.  

    We haven't....my OB just directed us right away to the counselor. Is this something they can do in their office? And if so, why the eff didn't he say so?

    Also...yeah, I would be willing to maybe try once more without all of this, but DH is not. I feel like I have to respect that; can you imagine if I talked him into it and then we had another loss. I think avoiding that kind of guilt and blame is important for our marriage.

    Report Reply
  • grr_aarghgrr_aargh member
    imageambrandau2:
    We haven't....my OB just directed us right away to the counselor. Is this something they can do in their office? And if so, why the eff didn't he say so?

    Also...yeah, I would be willing to maybe try once more without all of this, but DH is not. I feel like I have to respect that; can you imagine if I talked him into it and then we had another loss. I think avoiding that kind of guilt and blame is important for our marriage.

    Oh I agree wholeheartedly with what you're saying.  Absolutely.  DH still refuses to acknowledge our chemical as a pregnancy at all - not because he wants to hurt my feelings, but because he cannot incorporate the idea of another loss into his being, you know?  It's tougher on them than some people imagine.

    My OB's office ran the repeat loss panel - it's a bunch of bloodwork.  A full thrombophilia panel (checking for Factor V Leiden and a bunch of things I don't really understand, including MTHFR), thyroid, and, um, other things.  Since they just send it off to the lab, it's a good first round check you know?

    Will your insurance cover a genetic counselor?  At what point were your losses, can you remind me?  Have you read "Coming to Term" by Jon Cohen?  It might be a good read for both you and your husband.  It's emotional but also a pragmatic look at the mystery of loss -- and he covers dozens of women who had loss after loss after loss and went on to have healthy and happy babies.  It was a good read for me.  Cohen's big on the randomness of loss - and how so often it's bad luck and little more. 

    If your losses were chemical, blighted ovum, or early miscarriage in nature (before heartbeat or 7 weeks) I think the chances are higher that genetic randomness has screwed you.  If your losses are later - after a confirmed heartbeat - there's a chance that the repeat loss panel might unearth something (it does for about 50% of women who take it). 

    Welcome to the world, Baby Grr!

    My Blog

    Report Reply
  • grr_aarghgrr_aargh member
    Also: I don't mean to sound uncaring or too pragmatic or removed or something, for the record.  I am becoming fairly unemotional about the process of trying for another child, so that's part of it.  The other part is that I think like a man.  I have to solve problems, fix things, etc.. 
    Welcome to the world, Baby Grr!

    My Blog

    Report Reply
  • Scout05Scout05 member
    imagegrr_aargh:
    imageambrandau2:
    We haven't....my OB just directed us right away to the counselor. Is this something they can do in their office? And if so, why the eff didn't he say so?

    Also...yeah, I would be willing to maybe try once more without all of this, but DH is not. I feel like I have to respect that; can you imagine if I talked him into it and then we had another loss. I think avoiding that kind of guilt and blame is important for our marriage.

    Oh I agree wholeheartedly with what you're saying.  Absolutely.  DH still refuses to acknowledge our chemical as a pregnancy at all - not because he wants to hurt my feelings, but because he cannot incorporate the idea of another loss into his being, you know?  It's tougher on them than some people imagine.

    My OB's office ran the repeat loss panel - it's a bunch of bloodwork.  A full thrombophilia panel (checking for Factor V Leiden and a bunch of things I don't really understand, including MTHFR), thyroid, and, um, other things.  Since they just send it off to the lab, it's a good first round check you know?

    Will your insurance cover a genetic counselor?  At what point were your losses, can you remind me?  Have you read "Coming to Term" by Jon Cohen?  It might be a good read for both you and your husband.  It's emotional but also a pragmatic look at the mystery of loss -- and he covers dozens of women who had loss after loss after loss and went on to have healthy and happy babies.  It was a good read for me.  Cohen's big on the randomness of loss - and how so often it's bad luck and little more. 

    If your losses were chemical, blighted ovum, or early miscarriage in nature (before heartbeat or 7 weeks) I think the chances are higher that genetic randomness has screwed you.  If your losses are later - after a confirmed heartbeat - there's a chance that the repeat loss panel might unearth something (it does for about 50% of women who take it). 

    We had heartbeats twice (12 weeks, 2 days and 8 weeks, 3 days) and a chemical in between. Our last loss was determined to be Trisomy 16.

    Yeah. I know they are going to find something. Probably part of my not wanting to call and get started. But thank you for the info, I need to call the doc's office and see why they didn't want to do those first round tests in their office.

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"