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What not to say?

myantoniamyantonia
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I just found out that a friend had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and is going in for a D&C tomorrow.  I don't know what to say, what to do, what to write to her.  I know nothing will take away her pain, but I'd like to do or say something... Is there anything that comforted you?
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Re: What not to say?

  • monica92603monica92603 member

    you're a good friend.

    you probably know what NOT to say......it wasn't meant to be, God has a plan for you....blah blah.

    I've asked this before of others who have posted something similar......how good of a friend are you w/ her?

    kinda good friend.....send her a nice note.  I got a note from an acquaintance (good friend of my BFF) and I was so shocked of her kindness.  It made me feel very good inside.

    Someone closer???   bring her food maybe?  I loved that.  my neighbor showed up w/ food and then I didn't have to think about what we were eating that night.  H's BFF showed up w/ pizza or chinese from time to time which was nice too.

    Only you know how close you are w/ her so just be appropriate and DO NOT be offended no matter what level a friend you are, if she just doesn't want to see you at all.

    BFP #1 5/10/06 ...m/mc @11.5w 6/29/06 D&C 6/30/06
    BFP #2 10/29/08 ...stillborn via c/s @41w 7/20/09
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    missing my baby everyday
    BFP #3 1/20/10 My angel's little sister Grace Madison was born September 8th 2010 @37w. We're so blessed! Thank you angel for getting her here safely.
    BFP #4 12/30/11. Jackson Christopher 8/22/2012 via repeat c/s @ 37w 3d
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  • Scout05Scout05 member

    I am so sorry for her loss; this is the best list I have found of what not to say:

    https://www.pregnancy.org/article/miscarriage-what-say

     

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  • roxyttandmeroxyttandme member

    Set her frig up w/ some good, easy meals... and just be there when she need a friend around. There isn't anything you can say that will take away her pain.

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  • Court1Court1
    As the other girls have said, bring her some food.  Don't expect her to want to talk, and let her set the tone of any conversations.  Are you super close? Head over and clean her house up for her, do some of her laundry, clean her car.  Don't ask what you can do, she'll say nothing.  Just do it & she'll be forever grateful.  And leave your little guy at home when you visit for a while.  It's a painful reminder when you've just had a m/c.
    Connor Thomas 6/6/08. Discovered missed miscarriage at 17 wks 3 days, D&C 11/25/09. Please, please, please - BFP 5/21/11, EDD 2/1/11. Beta@12DPO=52, Beta@14DPO=158. U/S 7/7/11 shows strong baby measuring a couple days ahead!!! Pregnancy Ticker
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  • HeatherPB1020HeatherPB1020 member
    imagemonica92603:

    you're a good friend.

    you probably know what NOT to say......it wasn't meant to be, God has a plan for you....blah blah.

    I've asked this before of others who have posted something similar......how good of a friend are you w/ her?

    kinda good friend.....send her a nice note.  I got a note from an acquaintance (good friend of my BFF) and I was so shocked of her kindness.  It made me feel very good inside.

    Someone closer???   bring her food maybe?  I loved that.  my neighbor showed up w/ food and then I didn't have to think about what we were eating that night.  H's BFF showed up w/ pizza or chinese from time to time which was nice too.

    Only you know how close you are w/ her so just be appropriate and DO NOT be offended no matter what level a friend you are, if she just doesn't want to see you at all.

    This.... Plus my BFF got me a bead for my Pandora bracelet.   It was a round bead with mother of pearl hearts on it.  It was a nice way to honor the pregnancy but without being over the top.

    ~Married- 10.20.2007~ TTC Since- 4.3.2009 ~BFP#1- 8.25.2009 ~ Missed M/C and D&C-10.9.2009 ~BFP#2-8.12.2010 ~ EDD- 4.20.2011~ It
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