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Attachment Parenting
Manderlin923
member
I was thinking about CIO and came to this...
Manderlin923
member
The other night, my sweet little baby was asleep in my arms after nursing to sleep while I rocked him. I just stared at him for awhile and was thinking about sleep in general and how tired I am sometimes and how other parents do CIO and I looked at my son and he looked so peaceful, so comfortable and I couldn't imagine letting him do that. God, wouldn't I love to fall asleep with someone stroking my head and singing softly to me? They are only babies for so long and this time is going to go so fast. Someday he may come home from school crying because he got picked on, a girl is going to break his heart when he's older, he's going to fail at something important to him, he's going to lose a job, see a pet get old and sick, lose a friend or family member, etc...he has his whole life to cry and be hurt and upset when I can no longer protect and comfort him. Why wouldn't I want to do it now while I can? I know the beginning is hard and everything but it truly does go by so fast. My little boy is already 3 months old and I'll never get that time back- all the soothing and singing lullabies and walking up and down the living room to get him to sleep- it's a pain in the butt sometimes but I know how much he really needs it now. It's worth it to me.
I guess that's it...just some thoughts I came to 
ETA: I do think there's a difference in letting a 3 month old CIO vs. a 10 month old who is able to self-soothe. I know for some parents it's their only option when even holding the baby will not calm them and I am sure it's not easy. I just meant that I don't understand at this age when they are so small and particularily not for MY baby who I know cannot self-soothe. I certainly wasn't trying to offend anyone. I just know what works for my LO and this post was just my thoughts on why I won't CIO now and how even though it may be tempting at times when I'm tired, I have to focus on what's best for my LO and think about the positive side of all this soothing
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I was thinking about CIO and came to this...
Mom, why are you washing my feed in the sink?!
ITA! I have never once let DD CIO, and she now puts herself to sleep and sleeps in her own crib (she's 11 months). You hold that baby as tight as you can, and as often as you want. They grow up before you know it.
People told me not to hold her too much b/c she'll get spoiled. She doesn't like to be held anymore, and she's incredibly independent. I held her 24/7 for the first several months of her life.
People told me not to cosleep b/c she'll be in our beds forever. She sleeps in her own crib, in her own room and actually won't sleep in our bed with us when we offer it to her.
Go with your instincts!
My Blog
LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
Life is beautiful!
Thanks...I don't know what they'd think about it but I'm glad you ladies appreciate where I was going with it!
Loss #6 2014 Loss #7 (chemical) 2014
~DS Born! 2009~
~DD Born! 2013~
i wish every family who let their child CIO would read this... you are so right! my son has never CIO and he never will! the only time he has cried for more than a few minutes was when i was sooooo overwhelmed and needed a break. but after putting him in his crib, and a quick breather i felt calm and collected and able to go take care of my baby.
youre LO is so lucky to have you as a mama
Aw, thank you!
Loss #6 2014 Loss #7 (chemical) 2014
~DS Born! 2009~
~DD Born! 2013~
That is very sweet
And I completely agree. I have been told not to nurse to sleep...well, for 16 months...but I will continue to do so. I can't imagine a more lovely way to fall asleep than to be held by someone you love most, rocked while drinking something warm, sweet and filling. I wish I could be nursed to sleep myself
And contrary to all the helpful advice my nursed to sleep never CIOed child sleeps great with DCP and other people, STTN and takes good naps. It just takes time, but so little time when you step back and look at it like you did!
Love this!
This is how I feel, its a great way to look at it.
I didn't do CIO with either of my kids; we held them a ton, rocked and snuggled them to sleep, and they're both great sleepers.
I do agree with zoe_cat that a little bit of protest crying before a nap around that 11 month stage is not the end of the world (and I probably wouldn't call that CIO); DD was not a great napper at that age, and I finally gave up one afternoon because I was 9 months pregnant and freaking exhausted, so I kissed her, hugged her, put her in her crib, and told her I'd see her in a little bit. She yelled for three minutes, chattered happily to herself for five, and slept for the next two and a half hours. And just like zoe_cat's DD, she's been a great napper ever since. She naps well at daycare, when we're traveling, and over at my in-laws' house.
I'm really savoring the moments of snuggling and rocking with DS, though; DD doesn't want to be rocked to sleep anymore. She wants us to read her books, say prayers, and put her in her crib -- if we don't do it fast enough, she starts pointing to her crib and saying "Night night!"
I'll start off by saying I'm very anti-CIO. I get your sentiment and agree with it--in the end, I think it's far more important that my baby got all the snuggles and comfort they needed.
I don't think that a mom who uses CIO would read this and have some kind of lightbulb moment. They don't WANT to let their baby CIO. For one reason or another, they feel they must. I haven't been there--I can take sleep or leave it, so I function fine on little rest if I must. But a mom who values sleep more loves her child as much as I love mine. They're frustrated, exhausted, at their wits end.
In the end, most of us are doing the best we can. I still don't agree with CIO and would urge anyone to do anything else they can to avoid it. But the parents who choose CIO still value their snuggles. They just have a different opinion than the rest of us.
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
I agree and think this is very well said.
But...I also wouldn't be surprised if people came over from other boards to flame. I'd be sad...but I wouldn't be surprised.
Well said... my reasons for letting dd cio had nothing to do with me getting sleep it was about her getting sleep. She would stay awake for hours during the day and end up screaming bloody murder and not being able to fall asleep in anyone's arms no matter what I did. It was frustrating and was testing my sanity. The best thing I could do for her at that point was walk away and see what would happen. Her crying time went from probably 3-4 hours a day to maybe 15 minutes a day. And I really don't believe it's b/c she gave up on me coming to her but that she was being overstimulated by all my attempts to calm her.
That was beautiful and is so true. Why not stop their tears while we can? Life will get rough soon enough.
ETA: And to PP who let their LOs cry before bed and it worked...those examples weren't really CIO. Your babies were old enough to understand that it was sleepy time, and were expressing to you that they'd rather stay up and party. They were crying because they didn't want to sleep, not because they were alone and scared and needed your help. In that case you were firm and they understood that it was time to sleep. W/ younger babies, they don't understand and letting them cry is painful for them, not just frustrating. KWIM?
There are many reasons that families resort to CIO that have nothing to do with wanting to snuggle and comfort your DC. I snuggle and comfort DS a lot, but bedtime means sleep in our house. I know that probably sounds harsh to most of you, but we had a miserable, sleep-deprived 8 month old who benefitted immeasurably from Ferber 10 months ago. He's now a happy, healthy, affectionate little boy with wonderful sleep habits.
I'm not here to promote CIO, and I respect the fact that CIO doesn't work for most of you here. I just wanted to clarify that most of us who do CIO responsibly are doing so because we care for our child and his health and are doing what we feel is best. Don't worry - our lives are still full of snuggles, kisses and hugs.
ITA for 3 month olds.
Let me know what you think about letting your baby cry for a few minutes at night if he is sleep deprived w/ dark circles and bags under his eyes during the day. I don't think anyone let's a kid CIO just for funsies. If rocking and head patting worked for my DS that would be the easiest thing in the world and a huge relief to me. *sigh.*
If you agree with what the OP said and think it's sad if people flame this post, why are you acknowleding that it's flameworthy?
If the OP said something that is worthy of flames why is it so sad that it should happen?
I don't think it's flameworthy. But people will flame just about anything lately. It's actually a joke. I'm all for some flames when they are necessary but it seems that if someone on this board says that they think their kid is the cutest thing in the world then someone will come over from another board and get all bent out of shape because some High Horse AP Moms thinks her baby is cuter then anyone else's and that by the AP mom making that statement she is calling all other babies ugly.
I agree with the OP. We don't let our children CIO. I do believe there will be plenty of time for them to cry when they are older but while they are little I do what I can to hold off the tears. No where is me saying that calling out someone who does choose to CIO. Different strokes for different folks. The Bump/Nest is full of boards where the first advice you will get is to let your baby CIO. It's nice to have one board where the majority of people believe that CIO should be used as a last resort...and some people (like myself) who will never use it.
Heck...someone could post here that the sky is blue and someone will come over and try to start shiit. Its old and pathetic. But it happens.
Well aren't you just precious. If you can't appreciate the value and pleasure (for mom and baby) of nursing or snuggling a 3 month old baby to sleep, then this probably isn't the forum for you.
I don't think that there is any implied guilt in the OP for moms of older babies who protest cry or babies who simply won't be nursed or cuddled to sleep. Those posters obviously love their LOs very much - I think pretty much everyone on this board (except the out-of-town flamers) understands nursing/cuddling their babies to sleep and gets this post. The few nights I've had when DS wouldn't be soothed to sleep were heartbreaking, and I'm so glad I can still do so most of the time!
thanks Little Egypt...I certainly was not saying CIO is never an option, just for us, right now, it's not and certainly not at this age- I understand what previous posters were saying and was not trying to come across negatively.
So...um, wow.
Loss #6 2014 Loss #7 (chemical) 2014
~DS Born! 2009~
~DD Born! 2013~
Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time! I honestly believe the reasons behind CIO can be different- some to suit the parent and some to help the child- and not all cases are the same and not all are good or bad. I know maybe that's not totally AP but it's different to me if someone lets their 2 month old CIO because they'd like an extra hour or two of sleep versus someone doing it with their 10 month old because that child won't sleep otherwise. I hope it never comes down to that for us because I am sure it's not easy but I guess my original post was more meant for the things I've heard lately- babies really small left to CIO for hours- just hate hearing that stuff. I certainly didn't think I'd get flamed but maybe it didn't come out the way I meant it and it was certainly not intended to hurt anyone.
Loss #6 2014 Loss #7 (chemical) 2014
~DS Born! 2009~
~DD Born! 2013~
I want to apologize. I just re-read your OP. Nothing you said was hurtful. Looking back my response was to other responders, not really you. By the time I finished reading all the replies I was highly annoyed but it really had nothing to do with you OP. Sorry.