Sex after miscarriage?

lindsay.lou · November 2009

I'm only 1 day post-m/c, so this is something that is DEFINITELY not in my short-term plans. However, I've been on pelvic rest since 6w (m/c at 8.5w), so it's something I'm definitely looking forward to.

Those of you who are having sex, was it difficult (physically or emotionally) the first time? I have this (hopefully irrational) fear that I'm going to burst into tears while we're having sex. Embarrassed

Mrs. K in TX · November 2009

Our miscarriage was at about 4 weeks, and we had the ok to have sex whenever the bleeding stopped and I felt ready.

The first time was about a week and a half after all the symptoms stopped, I didn't know if we were going to have sex or not, and I let my husband know that. We started out just kissing, but it progressed, and I decided I was ready.

We've had sex a couple of more times, and I've been fine. Last night my husband was trying to get frisky, but I wasn't really into it. I'd wanted to the night before, but he wasn't feeling great. So last night, I did it for him. It was great, and I enjoyed it, but when I O'd, I started crying. Then I was so embarrassed that I just ran into the bathroom.

Sometimes I feel great, and I can move on with my life, but sometimes I just feel like my emotions that are taking over my life, and I can't go on. Last night, I'm not even sure why I started crying. It was just really difficult.

lindsay.lou · November 2009

Mrs. K in TX:
Sometimes I feel great, and I can move on with my life, but sometimes I just feel like my emotions that are taking over my life, and I can't go on. Last night, I'm not even sure why I started crying. It was just really difficult.

That's how I feel. I woke up this morning and really felt fine. I was just cleaning up around the house and my DH just LOOKED at me and I burst into tears. Sucks.

JuJuBe3 · November 2009

We were given the green light to have sex as long as the bleeding was gone and I was ready. We've been in the clear for just a few days now, and have had sex once.

I have to admit, my fear was that it would feel different or somehow just be different for either of us. It felt fine and nothing was different on that end. DH said the same. I did get a little emotional after, but I think it was because it had been a while and I had a lot of fears in my head. I'm sure the m/c was in my head too, being that it was the first time.

Overall, it was great to be with DH again and I am looking forward to getting us back to normal in that department.

Temp950106187509203 · November 2009

I cried a little right after our first time after the m/c, because I felt overwhelmed by how much I love H and how wonderful he's been through the whole thing (sappy, I know). Physically, it's been taking me longer to get into it, but there hasn't been too much discomfort.

firefightersgal · November 2009

We waited 2 weeks to have sex since I had a D&C. We messed around shortly after my m/c, though. I needed the physical connection with my husband, and I assume him with me.

shall923 · November 2009

I burst into tears the first time. I couldn't stop myself. DH and I ended up laughing but it was really hard the first time after m/c. It didn't hurt it just was very emotional.

GL hope you get to enjoy it soon.

Lissa832 · November 2009

After my first m/c, the first time we had sex again was very emotional. We waited for about 4 weeks because I bled and passed tissue for about 3.5 weeks. Physically, I felt fine.

Court1 · November 2009

I'm hoping to get the go ahead at our post op appt in a couple weeks.

vegas517 · November 2009

I am so glad you posted this. I didn't know if I was crazy for feeling the way I have been feeling about being intimate with DH after our loss, or it was just normal. We were told that sex was okay as long as I wasn't bleeding and it was close to 2 weeks post D&C.

Well, I'm embarassed to admit it, but the act itself was a big failure. I think the anticipation, the emotions, the fear it was going to hurt (he was afraid he was going to hurt me), and my tears kind of ruined the moment for both of us. We both snuggled up and cried and then talked about how much we were both hurting still. That wasn't a failure, that was a great end result.

I know we'll get back to our old ways sooner or later, although the hormones are making me hope it's sooner. Devil I miss the physical intimacy, but the emotional intimacy is bringing us even closer together.

I'm sorry for your loss, and wish you the best!

pepomntpat · November 2009

I got the OK two weeks post D&E. We both enjoyed it. I got a little teary eyed, but nothing awful and no physical pain at all. There was one point where DH touched my breast and when it didn't hurt, that reminded me that I was no longer pregnant. That was my worst pregnancy symptom-super sore breasts. Just take your time and be forgiving of yourself and be honest with DH about your feelings so that this awful tragedy can at least bring you closer.

Scout05 · November 2009

After our first loss, we were told to wait two weeks. The first time was hard, and I did cry. I was just...sad that this was our life now, not making jokes about "Can the baby hear us?" and that sort of thing like we had been. It didn't feel normal, it just felt overwhelming.

The second d&c we were told again to wait two weeks. I cried this time as well, because I was so happy to be back to doing something fun and normal with my husband. It felt really, really great. I then AWed my exciement all over TTCAL, but that's because I am apparently an inappropriate person.

(I wonder if that happiness and sense of relief might have also had something to do with the fact that we are tta for the time being. Maybe knowing it was just sex for no reason other than to have sex helped somehow. I don't know.)

I think it will hit you in ways you can't anticipate - you may be fine, you may be upset. Just talk to your partner, and allow yourself to feel however you feel. It WILL get normal again, regardless of how the first time goes.

jennsadye1979 · November 2009

Our first time after was awkward on my part. I was into it physically, but my brain kept thinking of all the most un-sexy, horrible, awful stuff, like speculums Surprise

out of nowhere and I had a really hard time mentally. My DH was fine though. The next time was better, and now it's absolutely fine. I am glad we were TTA for that month because I am just starting to get back into things and enjoying myself.

pryncssme · December 2009

I was 8 weeks along when I was told the baby had passed at 6 weeks. Had a d&c 11/23/09...and had no bleeding and physically felt great. I though I would be totally up for sex since dr said as long as there was no bleeding and I was feeling good! But it was a mistake to have sex so soon! I thought I was doing my husband a favor since we haven't been intimate basically since I found we were pregnant. I was so emtional which totally ruined the moment! It brought up emotions I thought I was over! I cried the whole time and felt so bad for my husband! He really doesn't understand!

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