anyone else?

lemen99 · November 2009

This is a selfish vent/thought, but I get annoyed when certain people want to come visit. One example is my grandma. Honestly she's just getting too opinionated for her own good. She never calls to ask to visit (yet is probably annoyed that we don't call), but she'll hint to my mom that Andrew won't know who she is. Guilt trip. I don't call and invite her because I don't generally call and invite anyone since we limit visitors during flu season and it's just more work.

Is it my job to call everyone and invite them over?! Nobody calls us, yet they act like they are annoyed that we don't call to invite them for visits. What am I supposed to keep a tally and rotate through my address book to keep tabs on who has seen Andrew last? (In all of my free time?)

I work 4 days a week and he has therapy on the 5th day (and has doctors appointment on a lot of my days off). And when she's over it's difficult because she wants to play with him. Heaven forbid it was nap time during her visit. (which is difficult to schedule because his nap times are super erratic) and then the fact that I'm always either pumping, giving him medicine, feeding him...and then try to visit...sigh...

I know that's mean...it's my Grandma...and she won't be around forever...and she just wants to see her great-grandson...and I feel guilty.

When she comes over I always have to remind her to wash her hands and watch her like a hawk to make sure she really does. She spends a lot of time at church (a church at which everyone greets with a kiss on the lips EEK!!)

And she is so opinionated. "What is that?!" "It's a Bumbo chair." "What's it for??" "it helps Andrew sit up." "Well we never had one of THOSE when my kids were little and they turned out just fine"! Ugh. I hate having to defend every toy he has, why he needs therapy, why he needs Prilosec (Oh, I'm sure he'd do FINE without it) and why he doesn't have socks on.

By the end of an hour I'm ready to pull my hair out. But I guess I just need to suck it up and invite her over. It's just obnoxious, on top of the fact that I'm paranoid that he'll get sick.

Sorry for the vent. I feel ungrateful but I guess I just had to get that out there. I think I'm extra aggravated because AF came and I'm just really, really tired right now and I want to go to sleep, but I have to pump again first.

*Emma Jean* · November 2009

I can't 100% related (my family is pretty awesome when it comes to keeping Alex safe and healthy) but I am pretty tired of random friends/coworkers/acquaintances 'joking' about how I am a germ-o-phobe. Even if I had a full term baby I wouldn't do some of the stuff that they tease me about. So what that I don't take my baby out and about everywhere and limit her interaction with others, especially kids. Blah. I just watched 20/20 and they did a special on Howie Mandell and his OCD. Maybe he is on to something.....lol.

Can you invite Grandma over when your Mom or Dad (whoever's Mom she is) and make them be the bad guy? Could they politely mention some things to your Grandma and help explain why you do the things you do?

Shayna0182 · November 2009

I do feel your pain. It always feels like my family or dh's family want us to constantly drive down there with ds, but heaven forbid they come up to our house. It drives me crazy! And when we do bring him down there, they don't listen to us, they hold him ALL day long, and they snap a zillion pictures to their little hearts are content. It irks me so bad, but luckily since most of the family can't stand to drive up to our house, we only see them maybe once a month.

Ali05 · November 2009

((hugs)) I can understand. I always invite my BFF over she can run interference.

She's very helpful. Hopefully you can find a good balance.

Jennyjenz · November 2009

I don't think you're being selfish.... you need to protect your LO.

I feel the same way with DH's family (mine is way more understanding and respectful). For example, they are ALWAYS 'politely' telling me how to do things for DD and giving unsolicited advice and saying 'she's normal', blah, blah, blah!! I don't want to hear it and I guess yesterday was one of my days (AF is here, as well) and I went off on my SIL. She 'politely' mentioned to me that I can put DD down on her bed to sleep. I said I would rather rock her some more. (info: they have 2 cats, I am sure their bedding wasn't clean besides the fact that I enjoy rocking my daughter to sleep). Well, my SIL rolled her eyes and said again 'Jen, you can put her down'. Well, I lost it and basically said I didn't have a child just to put them down and walk away all the time. I don't know where that came from but I was pissed. It shut her up though! She is constantly questioning my parenting skills, asking what Georgia's toys are and why she has a bebepod chair. DD is also in PT and my SIL is a PT who did NOT recognize her symptoms... hmm?

UGH! I feel your pain. Family is difficult and not always sympathetic.

gizmo909 · November 2009

((hugs)) Hang in there. I can totally relate to this. My MIL is exactly like this. One thing she does all the time is complain that I don't bring DS to see her at work. Since I'm a SAHM, she doesn't understand why I can't bring him to visit her. That, and she always make comparisons to how they did things when DH was a baby. Her current thing is why I don't give DS water.

Can you maybe have someone else like a friend or your parents over at the same time to be a buffer? Maybe then they can try to explain why you do what you do.

TriciaJoy · November 2009

Are we related? Sister? Cousins, maybe?
My grandma is the SAME way. I get so tired of the disapproving or condescending looks.

She came and stayed a week (A WEEK!) when Robbie was very little and I thought if she asked me one more time when I was going to give him some water, I was going to come unglued. This was when he was not eating (pre G-tube) the LAST thing he needed was WATER.

Last time she was here, she told me that the h1n1 shots cause ADD. Can anyone tell me how they would even KNOW that yet? It's insane.

Over and over again "Well, in my day..." Well, thanks, Grandma, but we've learned a thing or two about nutrition and about SIDS in the last FIFTY FREAKING YEARS.

No, I don't think you're selfish. People just don't seem to understand that things are busy and hectic and we really do know what's best for our own children.

lemen99 · November 2009

TriciaJoy:
Are we related? Sister? Cousins, maybe?
My grandma is the SAME way. I get so tired of the disapproving or condescending looks.

She came and stayed a week (A WEEK!) when Robbie was very little and I thought if she asked me one more time when I was going to give him some water, I was going to come unglued. This was when he was not eating (pre G-tube) the LAST thing he needed was WATER.

Last time she was here, she told me that the h1n1 shots cause ADD. Can anyone tell me how they would even KNOW that yet? It's insane.

Over and over again "Well, in my day..." Well, thanks, Grandma, but we've learned a thing or two about nutrition and about SIDS in the last FIFTY FREAKING YEARS.

No, I don't think you're selfish. People just don't seem to understand that things are busy and hectic and we really do know what's best for our own children.

OMG. A week. An ENTIRE week. Thank goodness mine lives 10 minutes away and has no reason to stay for a whole week.

Indifferent

For the record, the rest of my family is pretty awesome...and our parents, siblings are great about protecting Andrew. Normally I would have my mom be the buffer but my family has had the flu :-) I'll have to come up with someone else!!

clyoungsey · November 2009

My whole family is this way, if I don't call them, I would never hear from them...a stinky situation in deed.

At1stsight · November 2009

I feel your pain. My MIL is normally amazing, but there's something that makes new grandmas go crazy. She was insistent on putting DS down for a nap several times over the holiday (I usually let him decide on his own and never MAKE him lay on the floor bored), and one time when I was actually just getting up to cover him with a blanket to encourage him to fall asleep, she uses this stern 'mom' voice at me and says "AMY, don't." with this disapproving look on her face. I wanted to SLAP her but I just harshly said I was putting a blanket on, and she was like "oh ok." Um, damn straight it's ok. And if I was going down there to talk to him or stimulate him in any way, like you were worried about, you better believe that would have ALSO been ok bc I'm his mother! I just quietly stewed and told DH about it later (he wasn't there), and he told me to inform her next time that I'm the mom in a calm voice and not say anything more, that she'd get the point.

southphilly · November 2009

sorry! I can kind of relate as my mil is living with us right now-she tries to be supportive, but her opinions frequently leak out. It's hard though esp with grandmas as you do have the spectre of "now or never" hanging over your head.

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