Community› The Bump Message Boards› Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
New Discussion

I need some advice

crystalknppcrystalknpp member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
My best friends baby shower is tomorrow. No matter how hard its going to be for me I have to go. I was the very first person she called when she got the positive pregnancy test but I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the day. Her friend who has a 5 month old is going to the shower to and is bringing her son. My DH and I are supposed to go to dinner with my bestfriend and her husband tonight along with her friend and her little boy.  I couldn't even keep it together in Target the other night when we went shopping for her shower gift. I spent the whole time feeling like "This should be me". I should have been looking at baby stuff for our baby! I started tearing up in the store and completely broke down when we got to the car. I'm so happy for my friend and it kills me that her pregnancy has turned into something so hard for me. T & P are definitely needed please! I need to try and be strong around her and wait until I'm home atleast to cry! I just don't know how to not get upset when I will be complete surrounded by baby stuff, pregnant women, and babies for the next 24 + hoursCrying

"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart"

Our TTC Journey

BabyFetus Ticker

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

I'm a mom to my 4 angel babies who were taken from us much to soon!
BFP#1 on 09/29/09 and EP discovered/Left Tube lost on 10/19/09 EDD 06/12/10
BFP# 2 on 03/21/2010 EDD 11/30/10 Natural M/C on 3/27/10
BFP# 3 on 02/14/2011 EDD 10/28/11 Missed M/C discovered 4/19/11 and D&C 4/21/11 On 5/6/11 we found out our Oct Angel was a beautiful little girl <3
IVF#1=BFP#4 on 8/31/11 EDD 5/12/12 EP discovered and MTX shot given 9/14/ & 9/21 M/C on 10/9/11
IVF#2 and Stims started 12/2 ER 12/16 ET 12/21 transferred two beautiful blastocysts. Please stick LO's! BFP 12/26
Benjamin Matthew Our Little Miracle Born 9/5/2012!
BFP 1/2/14 EDD 9/11/14

Report Reply to Post

Re: I need some advice

  • Temp950106187509203Temp950106187509203 member
    You're a very sweet friend to be there for her when you're hurting so much.  You'll definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.  I pray that you'll be filled with peace and happiness for your friend and that your grief and sadness will stay at bay while you're with her.  {{hugs}}

    Don't be afraid to excuse yourself if you need a break.  I'm sure your friend will understand if you need to go get some air during the shower. 
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • pepomntpatpepomntpat member

    I agree with pp that you should go ahead and excuse yourself for a few minutes when you need a break.  It helped me yesterday when the baby talk got to be too much. DH and I just went for a walk.

    Also, my grief counselor gave me some imagery type exercises to try.  She suggested when you are in a place where you cannot just break down, to take that pain and put it in a basket on a shelf in your mind and make a promise to yourself to take it out and examine it at a more appropriate time. I have no idea if that would work, but it is worth a shot.

    {{hugs}}

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie Second Birthday tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers




    Report Reply
  • jgoetz:)jgoetz:)
    You are a very good friend to want to be there for her.  If I were you I would just go to the shower and let her know later that you won't be able to make it to dinner too.  You have to take care of yourself and heal and being exposed to so much sounds like it will be difficult.  Whatever you decide to do, know that you are such a good friend for putting her needs in front of your own.  I don't know if I could do the same.  T&P to you!
    Report Reply
  • doranellydoranelly

    I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. Echoing what pp says, I would try to do just one event. Don't over commit yourself. You need to think about you and be kind to you. If I were you, I would pass on the baby shower. I figure the dinner might be more laid back and not too overwhelming. A month after my baby's birth/death I canceled a friend's baby's baptism and she completely understood. Again, you seem like such a genuine friend and I am sure your best friend will understand whatever you decide. Best of luck to you!

    Report Reply
  • heathergirl67heathergirl67 member
    Hhhmmm.  Sounds to me like you might be getting sick.  And what kind of friend would you be if you chanced getting your pregnant BFF sick?  Or your other friend's 5 mo old sick?  You just may have to skip it tomorrow...Wink
    Report Reply
  • MrsNJTigerMrsNJTiger
    That's a tough one ...I am really sorry.  I don't have any good advice, I just wanted to tell you I know it is hard and I wish you didn't have to go through this.
    Report Reply
  • MSC03MSC03 member
    You're a saint... Good job on braving the child-laden shower. Good luck, take care of yourself, and only take on what you can.
    imageimage
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"