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Having Trouble being Thankful

crystalknppcrystalknpp member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I hate Thanksgiving this year. I am thankful for my amazing husband and supportive friends and family but at the same time I'm angry that I'm not still pregnant and I'm pissed that no matter how hard I try to focus on the positives in my life the only thing i can think about is how empty I feel. I hate that nothing good in my life has ever come easy for me. Everything I have thats good in my life is because I some how found the strength to keep moving forward through all the crap when no one would have blamed me for just giving up. I can't fight the need to have someone to blame for the loss of my baby. I'm just angry now and sad. I should still be pregnant and I don't care what anyone says this was not "Meant to be" and it didn't happen for some greater reason that I'll understand one day.  It's just yet another shitty situation in my life that I'm going to have to find some way of "getting through" and I'm so tired of having to constantly fight for things that come so easily for others! Grrr ok pitty party over Sad

"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart"

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I'm a mom to my 4 angel babies who were taken from us much to soon!
BFP#1 on 09/29/09 and EP discovered/Left Tube lost on 10/19/09 EDD 06/12/10
BFP# 2 on 03/21/2010 EDD 11/30/10 Natural M/C on 3/27/10
BFP# 3 on 02/14/2011 EDD 10/28/11 Missed M/C discovered 4/19/11 and D&C 4/21/11 On 5/6/11 we found out our Oct Angel was a beautiful little girl <3
IVF#1=BFP#4 on 8/31/11 EDD 5/12/12 EP discovered and MTX shot given 9/14/ & 9/21 M/C on 10/9/11
IVF#2 and Stims started 12/2 ER 12/16 ET 12/21 transferred two beautiful blastocysts. Please stick LO's! BFP 12/26
Benjamin Matthew Our Little Miracle Born 9/5/2012!
BFP 1/2/14 EDD 9/11/14

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Re: Having Trouble being Thankful

  • Mrs. K in TXMrs. K in TX member

    Ditto.  My miscarriage was a month ago, and I don't feel thankful at all.  I have a lot to be thankful for, and I suppose I'm thankful for my good days.  But I've had several bad days recently, and I just don't feel like I can even face anyone during the holidays.

    I thought about just skipping the holiday all together, but instead, DH and I are going to have a small Thanksgiving for two when he gets off work tomorrow.  Cooking is theraputic for me, so it'll be nice to cook a traditional meal.

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  • SonadoraSonadora member

    ::hugs::

     I think we all have days where it is hard to find something to be thankful for. 

    BFP #1 9/23/09. Missed MC 10w3d D&C 11/3/09.

    BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10

    BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15


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  • lenabethlenabeth

    These holidays are hard.  We are here for you (as best as we can).  I am so sorry for your loss and such angry and sad feelings, but understand they are completely justified. 

    I will be keeping you in my T&P's during this rough time!

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  • crystalknppcrystalknpp member
    Thank you ladies. I think today is such a rough day for me not only because Thanksgiving is tomorrow but also because my best friends baby shower is Saturday and I went shopping for her gift tonight. I made DH go with me and as soon as we left the store and got in the car I started crying. It's just so hard to be thankful and to be happy for someone else when your still so hurt and empty inside. I just wish I knew when this is finally going to get easier!

    "Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart"

    Our TTC Journey

    BabyFetus Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    I'm a mom to my 4 angel babies who were taken from us much to soon!
    BFP#1 on 09/29/09 and EP discovered/Left Tube lost on 10/19/09 EDD 06/12/10
    BFP# 2 on 03/21/2010 EDD 11/30/10 Natural M/C on 3/27/10
    BFP# 3 on 02/14/2011 EDD 10/28/11 Missed M/C discovered 4/19/11 and D&C 4/21/11 On 5/6/11 we found out our Oct Angel was a beautiful little girl <3
    IVF#1=BFP#4 on 8/31/11 EDD 5/12/12 EP discovered and MTX shot given 9/14/ & 9/21 M/C on 10/9/11
    IVF#2 and Stims started 12/2 ER 12/16 ET 12/21 transferred two beautiful blastocysts. Please stick LO's! BFP 12/26
    Benjamin Matthew Our Little Miracle Born 9/5/2012!
    BFP 1/2/14 EDD 9/11/14

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  • christina&philchristina&phil
    My heart is breaking for all of us today.  Yes, most of us have been blessed with a supportive husband and a handful of friends and family that have tried to be there for us.  That doesn't make it any easier.  I keep trying to remind myself of al that I am grateful for, but goodness this is hard!  I'm grateful for this board, though, and the support of all of you amazing women who have been willing to share your stories...
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