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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Emmy722
member
Losing it....Vent and opinions..
Emmy722
member
I go back to work and school tomorrow and even though it is a short week, I feel that I am still not ready. I am a preschool teacher and its going to be so hard to be "happy". My grandmother died ten years ago on Saturday and I just saw my mother and when we hugged she said to me, "Grandma's holding your baby in Heaven." I lost it, I want my baby in my tummy, I want to be able to hold my baby in June..I want everything to be okay. I just want to be okay. Another thing thats been bothering my mind is that I've been googling things and when I googled blighted ovum a website came up with a womans story where the doctor did not see the baby or the heartbeat and she kept going to the doctors every week for an u/s and finally, when she was 9 weeks there was a baby with a perfect heartbeat. Now I'm wondering and losing my mind thinking, what if my dates were completely messed up, what if my blighted ovum was just a slow sperm or I just had my days wrong....I can't stop thinking like this. What if I just waited?...Would I stil be pregant?...I'm having a really tough night and just can't stop crying. When will everything be okay?
*11/20/2009*D&C*Angel Baby*
BFP on 5/6/2010*My Birthday Surprise*
My life changed forever 1/12/2011
Dominic Orlando
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Losing it....Vent and opinions..
::hugs::
It's hard to not think things like "what ifs" but, at what you thought was 8w4d, it would be really difficult for you to be so far off on your dates that you wouldn't see a h/b...my doc said there was no way I could be off that far given when I got my bfp. Of course, we did see a h/b and it later stopped, so there was no mistaking what had happened.
BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10
BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1cb8c4.aspx[/img][/url]
A bit of advice: Step away from Dr. Google. I drove myself nuts looking up stuff, and it's just not helpful in the long run. You have to just accept (and I'm preaching to myself here, too!) that what happened could, unfortunately, not have been prevented or avoided. It's so, so hard, I know.
Don't be afraid to let yourself grieve. All the doubts and everything else that you're feeling now is perfectly natural and normal. It sucks really, really badly, but it's just part of the healing process. I can't tell you when everything will be okay, because "okay" after the loss of a baby is different than pre-m/c okay was. But things will get better. The good times WILL start to outnumber the bad. And we all have a board full of internet strangers who, sadly, understand completely and are here to listen when we need a sympathetic ear and offer up prayers and good thoughts. {{hugs}} Take care of yourself.
((HUGS)) I was due in June too.
I play the what-if game too, but its not helpful. It just makes me cry harder. I try not to do it too often.
I don't know when everything will be OK, but it does get easier. Having lost a baby earlier this year and with other losses in my life, I can honestly say there will be days coming where you don't break down and cry all the time. Hard to believe now when the pain is so raw, but it is true.
You don't forget your baby and loved one, but you can move forward eventually with life and it doesn't hurt as much. You hold your family in your heart and remember them throughout the rest of your life.
Hang in there. Day by day. Moment by moment.
Try not to do that to yourself. I did the same thing after my first m/c, and it will only pull you deeper and deeper into grief. I wondered if the doctor was wrong. I wondered if I made a mistake in letting them give me medication to induce the m/c.
This affects everyone different. After my first m/c, I cried nonstop for around 6 weeks. After that, I still cried often, but not as often. I was depressed for about 2 years, and it was one of the worst times in my life. Things will be better when you are ready. Until then, it is about getting through each day, each hour, and each minute. I'm very sorry.
Google is not really helpful at a time like this. I know the website you are referring to and while it did give me some hope when I was waiting to find out for sure that my baby was gone, after that I just got p!ssed at the woman who wrote it for giving me false hope. Good for her and her little child, but that is not how it works out in most cases.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I have mulled it over in my head that maybe someone screwed up, but they didn't and I didn't. My little baby died and there is no one to blame and we will probably never know why and that just makes it all harder.
{{hugs}} to you. Again, I am very sorry. Please know you are not alone.