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Attachment Parenting
moroccojade
member
s/o s/o Advice. How much did/do you get?
moroccojade
member
Honestly? Not that much. My mother slid in a few comments (maybe 4 or 5? some really grated on me..) but other than that, people have really left me alone. Other than mom there were only 2 incidents... 1 from a rabid APer lecturing me for using a stroller even though I was walking 30 minutes uphill with 50 pounds of groceries... DD was 8 months old... and the other was from a very crunchy woman who said "Oh I hate you EC people. You've really got your head in the sand. It WILL NEVER WORK. My 4 year old still needs his CDs." (DD was 2 months at the time. And going in her bowl several times a day. And you all know I want to call her and tell her DD was diaper free loooooong before her 2nd birthday.)
The other advice I have received I've asked for from people who I trust/admire. So that doesn't count. Perhaps there's something about my personality that makes people know I'm not open to advice and commentary? lol.
I'm just realizing now exactly how lucky I am. I hear the Hallelujah Chorus playing. I hope I'm not alone - or I will lose a lot of faith in humankind. If I am alone, please feel free to vent here. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o s/o Advice. How much did/do you get?
Not much really. Like you, I think I have a personality that suggests I'm not so open to advice ;-)
My mom and I did have some interesting conversations about breastfeeding and circumcision before kiddo was born. Maybe the fact that those didn't go so well has prevented further advice giving?? Since then she's been pretty supportive of what I'm doing and hasn't questioned it really - well my dad does frequently ask when kiddo is going to sleep in the crib he built for him (which is the only time I feel guilty about not using it!).
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
Babywearing Guide ** Newborn Carriers
Cloth Diaper Guide
Safe Bed Sharing Info
With my mom and MIL, I think it's this. We went through the boundary setting during the wedding so they will both tell me stories about raising us, but don't really give advice or suggestions. They've seemingly practiced the phrase "wow, they really do things different now" and leave it at that
However, among our siblings we're the only hope for marriage/grandkids so I think they know they have to play nice.
My mother's family however are a totally different beast.
I've gotten annoying comments, but not really much advice. And most of the advice I have gotten wasn't bad, it just wasn't a good fit for my DD. (Ex. A coworker recommended a lullaby CD for bedtime. His girls basically have a pavlovian response and fall asleep whenever they hear it. Not bad advice except that listening to music makes DD more energetic - even lullabys. :-)
I have friends who have acted surprised that I was still BFing past 1, that I made DD's baby food, that I was still nursing her overnight at 10 months, that we never got a double stroller, etc, etc...but they are more offhand comments than blatent advice or judgements. Some hurt more than others, but I'm confident enough in my decisions (especially now) that most don't bother me.
Honestly, the comments that bother me the most are the ones where people act like I'm being a martyr or super mom. "I don't have time to make baby food", "I can't imagine making my child's halloween costume", "I wouldn't want to pump 3 times a day at work". All of these "you're a better mother than I am" comments drive me nuts. We aren't in competition! We all have different priorities and I'm sure there are things that other moms spend time on that I don't. It's like reverse psychology that I'm supposed to feel "bad" for being "too good".
If people only knew how easy it is to make baby food! It's so much cheaper... and tastier for the baby, too. And there aren't bajillions of jars to wash/recycle. (Or people are perhaps just garbaging them?)
If you enjoy mothering as you are -- take these comments as compliments. When people say similar things to Martha Stewart about her homemaking skills does she feel bad? Heck no! :P
Aside from my mother telling me I WOULD kill DD by co-sleeping, no one has said anything to me.
Not that I would listen anyway
Fred, that sounds like a NIGHTMARE.
Here, have an adult beverage. You deserve one after all that.
I now officially count myself very lucky that i don't get any advice. Of course it's only been 4 months. So we will see. I really didn't get any weird advice when I was pregnant either, though. Maybe because I'm so tall. I know that sounds weird but I think it's hard for people (men especially) to look up at me and tell me what to do.
I also run with a very "AP" crowd about life in general.
The couple things that have bothered me are,
My MIL telling me that it was okay to let me 2-month-old cry because it was "exercising his lungs"
My sister saying that attachment parenting is weird and that my child is never going to be independent.
Any one noticed the negative association with the word attachment? I personally would like to call it something else. I hate the look I get from people when they hear the phrase. They are just uneducated on the subject and base their ideas on assumptions and it?s frustrating.
I don?t like that I feel like I have to defend my decision to bed share.
I don't get much either. I suspect this is the reason. I do notice a bit of
which I find even more annoying because I'd prefer the opportunity to explain my POV!
When DD was little, yes.
My MIL actually told me I needed to go to parenting classes because I was upset that DD was crying and agitated at her christening (she hadn't had a nap). She also told me that crying was good for her lungs. I had coworkers tell us to CIO when she was an infant.
I had a couple of people (man and woman) tell me I was a full-time working mom (OK that was more judging than advice).
As DD has gotten older, and I have grown more confident of my decisions, my answers to questions come with an automatic matter-of-factness that insinuates the matter is not up for discussion. DH has defended our parenting decisions to MIL and prepares her when we come to visit (DD *will* sleep in our room. DD will not eat this. We will do this with DD, not this).
My family asks questions (are you still BFing? When will you stop?) that I take as more information gathering than judging.
Oh, you guys reminded me, my Aunt-In-Law did tell me I must CIO. Her co-worker still has to stay in the room with her 8 year old when he goes to bed because she didn't do CIO and that's just crazy, and I will end up the way.
One of my friends is a little spacey - one of the smartest people I know, but she kind of seems like she's in another world sometimes. She does this thing where when people tell her something, she immediately goes into deep thought about it. So I do this tactic, now (although it is natural for her) and I pretend like I'm really thinking about what they just said. It helps me filter myself before I spout off something offensive. Moms are sensitive.
Post this in a couple months and I am sure I will have more.
A lot. This is our first.
I even have wives of my DH's friends saying they would really like to call and give me advice and tips. I kind of feel maxed out in terms of people giving me advice. My MIL was a nurse, my own mother had six chidlren - lots of advice being thrown at me.
Smile and nod, smile and nod. That's how I deal with it all.
Oh I have this saved in my head now. That's definitely me, although I've never heard it phrased so gently
My mom definitely knows this, and she doesn't give much unsolicited advice. She is genuinely curious (and perhaps shocked) about the bf since she never even attempted it. My dad brought up the co-sleeping yesterday, which devolved into a super awkward conversation about (I kid you not, he called it this) "the marital bed". It was pretty funny, really. He keeps telling me we need all sorts of things like playpens and walkers, too, but he's full of nutty ideas and we have the kind of relationship where we can argue about things.
The one that grated me the most was the circumcision issue before DS was born, with my ILs. Somehow it came up when we were out hiking, so I was stuck hearing about it for a freaking hour. MIL said "oh well I just will never change his diaper", "oh I had a bf in college who wasn't and it was so gross", FIL went on about the guy on his football team who wasn't and they gave him crap for it (OMG who pays this much attention to their teammates penises? DH says it was not like that in HS or college sports...). MIL has changed plenty of diapers without a comment, so I guess she's over it. She was pretty upset that we weren't getting him baptised, too, even though nobody (including her) attends church.
Also, we got CIO advice before and after DS was born from everyone and anyone. I TOTALLY agree with the pp assessment about it being a guilt thing. DH had coworkers come up unsolicited and ask "oh how are you sleeping? You know, you will have to let that baby cry pretty soon." It's like the women who tell you "you'll cave and get an epidural, just you wait". It makes them feel better if you join the club I guess. Just make your choice and stop pushing it on me, TYVM. I got a few of the epidural/natural birth comments beforehand, too, but fortunately most of my coworkers are men and most of them just said "wow, you're hard core" when the "where are you delivering" thing came up (I was working in video games LOL).
Ha! That was long. I give advice, too, but I stay away from birth choices or telling people how they have to raise their kids. My #1 non-controversial piece of advice is to wear a bra pp - I wish I had given the girls more support when they were so full! Take it or leave it, though; they're your boobs!