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Attachment Parenting
s/o of comments & advice - My Confession:
I judge other parents all the time.
Yep. I'll admit it. I may not say anything to them, but I do. I hate that I do, but I do. Especially my BIL. He is constantly playing "keeping up with the Jones's" because their DD is just 2 months younger than N.
But they buy all sort of electronic "teaching" toys & plastic crap for their DD. DH & I are completely against all that type of thing & are planning to go as natural as possible. Please, we are very picky about what we feed DD - and sugars are extremely limited. They, on the other hand, give her a glass or orange juice every day with breakfast (and have since she was about 9mos old).
Anyways...I will stop now because I could continue...but that's my confession for the day!
Anyone else?!
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Re: s/o of comments & advice - My Confession:
Everyone does. Those who say they don't are lying -- including those who are probably going to come mosey over from other boards to flame the heII out of this post. Every parent makes decisions based on what they think is best; therefore, when someone else chooses to do things differently, you don't think they are doing what is best for their kid and you judge them.
Though I will say I don't judge people for the type of toys they give their kids. That's a little to high on the pedestal for me.
I dont know if I judge electronic talking toys, but I do HATE them. And I do kind of think "really???" when those are the ONLY toys that the kid has. I don't agree with expecting toys and DVDs to teach your kid, so it bothers me that someone would expect their kid to learn their alphabet from a talking drum. Parents should be teaching the alphabet, the drum should be a stand-in for when the parent is busy.
I think that overall, I am judgy as a mom when its clear that a parent has done no research when it comes to raising their child. Pick up a book or Google an issue, but know what you're doing and the effect that its going to have on your child, be it negative or positive.
I judge my cousin a lot... she started giving her 9 month old whole milk in his bottles because formula was too expensive. She was already 3 months pg with the next one at that point. She isn't going to try to BF- which is fine, but it bugs me that she is deciding not to do something for her comfort/convenience, but can't/won't pay for the correct alternative. If you can't afford formula for the correct amount of time, you should at least make an attempt to BF.... normally I don't think it's selfish to not BF, but in her case I sort of do think it is selfish.
Yep, I judge all the time. It's only human - our brains are built to learn in part through comparison and assessment (i.e., judging). I do try to remind myself, though, that (a) I might not be right in my parenting choices, (b) everyone's situation is different, and (c) everyday I do something that doesn't live up to my own parenting ideals. So that helps keep the judginess in check, though it's still there.
I'm with you.
Although I will admit I straight up judge the parents that allow their kids to be obnoxious, spoiled and sometimes dangerous tyrants without doing anything. Like the kid who took a pair of scissors to another kids throat last year at Ryan's school. The mom's response...the other kid must have done something to cause her kid to get that angry. :headdesk:
This hits the nail *right* on the head.
And yes, the flames from the other boards may come any minute now. But may they be wise enough to know that they're judging, too. Even if one is "judging someone for being judgmental" it's the same crap from the same pile. No one is perfect, we need to be secure enough not to dwell on what anyone else is doing.
I also think that people who say they never judge are lying. I think it's pretty natural to judge; it's one way we validate our own choices about things. Of course, there's a difference in judging silently and running around preaching about how awful someone else's choices are - I think I mostly judge on the silent end, but there are a times when I lean more towards the "wow, that's wrong" preachy end.
I've banned myself from 0-3 lately because so many posts push me to the preachy end and I hate that.
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I think we all do on some level, some do it quietly, others loudly. However, I've been trying really hard to wrap my mind around the idea of "good enough parenting" and remind myself that unless it's true abuse, it's okay and the child will be just fine, even if the parent hasn't backed up every choice they've made with research. Also, "people research" often doesn't utilize large enough trial groups to overcome the natural diversity of people, so I've been trying to take a lot of it with a grain of salt. Many research results are also is over-stated by the time it reaches the masses.
However, I've always been an academic/research junkie of sorts and it's really hard to not let that spill into parenting too much. I've been "trained" over time to think this way, but as much as I hate the argument of "well, we did it then and you survived", I'm pretty pleased with the way my parents raised me (and how my grandmother raised her kids) and they did it without research to back it up and we're all healthy, happy adults.
I probably didn't articulate that well, but yes, I judge, but I'm trying not to do so, so I don't become one of those crazy parents who overparents or over analyzes all my decisions or those of others.
It's 100% natural to judge- clothing, taste in music, where people live, what they eat, how old they are, how they parent, how they dress, what are their hobbies. It also is the pack mentality. It's okay on the bump to judge anyone on babygaga because they are outside of "us". Just like how that happens on individual boards. Anyways people judge because it makes them feel good, plain and simple.
Now I am totally guilty of the reverse which is sortof sick, I'll admit it. Sometimes I want to keep things to myself like a secret. I don't want everyone to be a part of my way of thinking because it threatens my sense of self outside the larger whole.
I guess it's all in our nature and makes for lively conversation/drama which a lot of us are guilty of enjoying!
I judge you* for judging juice! What's wrong with giving 100% juice with a meal? I usually dilute it, but giving apple or pear juice to DS once or twice a day helps him poop (and it increases iron absorption from food). He likes plain water just fine, too. OJ can be irritating, but they would know if she had a mouth or diaper rash from it.
Just FYI, there is a huge diff between letting a baby walk around with a bottle of juice (or 'juice beverage') all day and giving juice with a meal. I judge moms who are so worried about obesity that they restrict their kids too much. I just feel like there is a huge gap between a kid who drinks juice or whole milk and a kid who drinks soda and eats McDonalds, KWIM?
I have the plastic light up obnoxious crap toys, too. DS picks this stuff out himself - He played with a Leapfrog play table at a friends house, then made a beeline for the same one at a consignment store a week later. What was I gonna do - it was $10!!! Plus, now I can say "triangulo amarillo".
*but just a little bit! We can still be friends, LOL.