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2 weeks have gone by....

ButterflyMommy2009ButterflyMommy2009
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Well, 2 weeks have gone by since losing our son Joel. It seems that every tuesday this one and last, tuesdays have not been my day. I mean i knew and expected every tuesday to be an awful reminder of what had happened, but i didnt realize what kind of problem every tuesday would bring. It seems like this tuesday and last tuesday my DH and I both fight with each other to the point where i cant stop crying and am miserable and where he just shuts off and wont talk to me, text me while he is at work, and wont answer a phone call. I feel like I am being punished for not being able to carry my son, now that 2 tuesdays have come, it just seems like every other day is as good as it is going to get under the circumstances, but now i feel like b/c i was a failure as a mother, being as i couldnt even do something like have my son ( i dont feel like a failure for my 9 y/o son), just to this one, i feel like i failed joel, i feel like i failed my dh b/c i couldnt give him his son, i just feel like each tuesday has been my punishment for what i couldnt do and I am so sorry for that, i didnt want it to happen, and i guess i am going to have to just deal with being punished, i just feel like a horrible failure right now and dont know what to do....CryingBroken Heart
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Re: 2 weeks have gone by....

  • pepomntpatpepomntpat member
    I don't know what to say, but {{hugs}}.
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  • tradster2007tradster2007 member
    You are so NOT a failure and I hate that you feel that way.  I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are in a situation that none of us deserve to be in. {{HUGS}}
    BFP#1 8/14/09; Natural M/C 9/16/09 @ 9 weeks 2 days 
    BFP#2 5/11/10; DS1 Born 1-27-11 
    BFP#3 6/24/12; Natural M/C 7/1/12 @ 5 weeks 
    BFP#4 9/22/12; Natural M/C 10/17/12 @ 7 weeks
    BFP#5 3/3/13; DS2 Born 11-7-13
    BFP#6 9/20/14; Due 5-28-15


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  • Mrs.KristenMrs.Kristen
    you're definately not a failure
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  • jgoetz:)jgoetz:)
    You are not a failure and this is not your fault...love and hugs.
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  • doranellydoranelly

    Please don't be so hard on yourself. This is not your fault and know you are not being punished. ((hugs))

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  • JuJuBe3JuJuBe3

    Hi Butterfly.  It very easily could have been me typing that post.  We just had our first fight on a bad day (NT scan would've been Tues.) and I have spent the last couple of nights doing nothing but crying and feeling miserable.  I said those exact words to my husband last night about feeling like a failure.  I know that this was biological in my case and I did nothing to cause it, but I still feel like I failed, my baby and my DH.  I am trying really hard, and have had good days, but the past 3 or 4 have been the worst.

    I sincerely hope you know that it is not your fault.  It's hard to put that in perspective when you're grieving, I know.  I try to focus on the fact that I have had some good days. I hope you have too and they you have more in the upcoming days.  You are not alone in your feelings, I think we've all been there.  We're here for you.  {{{hugs}}}.

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    Missed m/c 11.09 | Missed m/c 3.10 | We miss you & love you so.
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