a good friend made the decision to abort

sky61775 · November 2009

and I cried...and I'm just really sad about it.

why do I feel so strongly? Is it b/c I'm a mom??

Thanks for listening, I have no other outlet IRL.

Toosdai · November 2009

And I'm sure she appreciates you A) Posting this on a message board and Making it all about you.

Nice job, friend.

MrsRichardson915 · November 2009

I don't know why you feel so strongly...but being a mom probably has a lot to do with it. However, not being in her shoes you can never fully understand why someone might make that decision. I am just glad we live in a country where that is her right, and nobody else's, to make that decision for herself.

mlf625 · November 2009

I'm not going to lie, inside, I'd feel some sense of mourning over that, too. ?Outside, I would support my friend in her decision because it's not my place to judge and it's her choice....but I'd definitely feel some sadness over that choice.

I think having had ultrasounds at 6, 7, 8 weeks changed my perspective. ?JMO.?

Califlorida · November 2009

well if you feel strongly about your friend and your friendship then you should find a way to support the legal decision she made that makes sense for her.

carrie4g · November 2009

because you never know what goes on in people's lives and SHE is the one that has to live with that decision for the rest of her life. So sad. I'd be sad for my friend that she felt that was the only option and sad that she may suffer for it in the future and for sure right now.

sky61775 · November 2009

Toosdai:

And I'm sure she appreciates you A) Posting this on a message board and Making it all about you.

Nice job, friend.

No, sorry..I'm not trying to make it all about me...I'm just sad about it, but I support her decision. I guess they weren't actively TTCing but was one of those if it happens then it does kind of things.

*KatieH* · November 2009

It's not about you. This decision I am sure was hard for her to make. Be a friend to her and put your feelings aside your friend needs you right now.

Faith1318 · November 2009

Wow, I'm really surprised that you are getting attacked for this. Especially since nowhere in your post do you say anything critical or judgmental of her choice. Only that it made you feel sad.

I think I would feel sad too. And I'm pro-choice, and I would *still* feel sad. I think that's a perfectly acceptable reaction.

missfire · November 2009

I've been sad for friends too, at the thought of how much I would have loved to have known their children. I supported their decisions, but I still had (private) emotions of my own about it too.

sky61775 · November 2009

thanks ladies for your feedback...I don't feel attacked, everyone's comments make me "see" things more clearly and I do admit I'm being selfish b/c it's not like it was an easy decision for her to make. Thanks again.

goodtobethelarkster · November 2009

sky61775:

and I cried...and I'm just really sad about it.

why do I feel so strongly? Is it b/c I'm a mom??

Thanks for listening, I have no other outlet IRL.

It's really hard to even comment in a hypothetical sense since this is pretty vague.

I am pro-choice. Being a mom did not make me, personally, change my thoughts or feelings on abortion.

My personal feelings on abortion have a lot to do with my religious beliefs and, while I feel strongly about my faith, I feel equally strongly about the separation of church and state. I have a really hard time envisioning a situation where I, personally, would get an abortion. But what I would choose to do if, say, I had a child with complete anacephaly (sp?) or the pregnancy threatened my life would be between me, my family, and my priest.

I have no idea about the details of your friend's situation. I can't imagine that she made her decision lightly. If I were you I would bear that in mind and try to consider what she must be going through with compassion.

Lucy_Plus_One! · November 2009

rcj416:
Wow, I'm really surprised that you are getting attacked for this. Especially since nowhere in your post do you say anything critical or judgmental of her choice. Only that it made you feel sad.
I think I would feel sad too. And I'm pro-choice, and I would *still* feel sad. I think that's a perfectly acceptable reaction.

This is exactly what I was going to say. I don't think you are saying that you think she is making a bad decision even, just that its sad. I would be sad too. Like a PP said, this is something she will have to live with... and any time someone is put in that position, its sad.

Even though I am pro-choice, my feelings about it have changed some since having DD. Its just hard now to imagine having to go through that.

I wish your friend the best!!

LaLaSweets · November 2009

*KatieH*:
This decision I am sure was hard for her to make. Be a friend to her and put your feelings aside your friend needs you right now.

emiliemadison · November 2009

A good friend of mine had an abortion. I was relieved beyond measure. She made the right choice for HER. It's not about you or your motherhood.

PMJacobsen · November 2009

i understand. even though it is a legal choice to make, and regardless on your stance on abortion, it's a tough spot for any woman to be in and it's a hard thing to go through. no one is *happy* about having an abortion, and you have every right to your feelings about it, too. you can even agree that it was the best choice for her, but still feel sad about it. and it's not like you posted any identifying information about her. geez.

~AllSmiles~ · November 2009

rcj416:
Wow, I'm really surprised that you are getting attacked for this. Especially since nowhere in your post do you say anything critical or judgmental of her choice. Only that it made you feel sad.
I think I would feel sad too. And I'm pro-choice, and I would *still* feel sad. I think that's a perfectly acceptable reaction.

Ditto every word

BetchySprout · November 2009

goodtobethelarkster:

My personal feelings on abortion have a lot to do with my religious beliefs and, while I feel strongly about my faith, I feel equally strongly about the separation of church and state. I have a really hard time envisioning a situation where I, personally, would get an abortion. But what I would choose to do if, say, I had a child with complete anacephaly (sp?) or the pregnancy threatened my life would be between me, my family, and my priest.

This exact situation happened to my aunt, who went through several infertility treatments, and is pro-life. Baby had anencephaly, and the best choice for her, her husband, and her living daughter, was to terminate.

OP, I have a friend who had an abortion when she got pregnant a 5th time. She was sad too, it was both for financial and health reasons. It is a tough choice, but even though she is pregnant a 7th time now (#6 was a blighted ovum and she was going to keep it) she knows she did the right thing. I understand what you mean, but please be supportive of your friend.

LilMissLadybug · November 2009

rcj416:
Wow, I'm really surprised that you are getting attacked for this. Especially since nowhere in your post do you say anything critical or judgmental of her choice. Only that it made you feel sad.
I think I would feel sad too. And I'm pro-choice, and I would *still* feel sad. I think that's a perfectly acceptable reaction.

I agree. The attacks are uncalled for. I would feel the same way. Just reading about it makes me sad.

DelGrecoBride · November 2009

good god yall she isn't making her friends situation about her. She is simply stating how it makes her sad...everyone has some type of feeling in this situation. telling her she is being selfish and she just needs to be a friend isn't even relevant.

J&A2008 · November 2009

Keep showing her support. I'm sure it was not an easy decision for her to make.

IckyThump · November 2009

Well, abortions are sad. I'm very pro-choice, but no one is going around saying how great they are. I'm sure your friend is very sad about it, too, so I think it's pretty normal to feel that way, no matter how you feel about the issue.

Smores730 · November 2009

I had to help my friend through an abortion when we were younger and it still saddens me to this day

NewlywednOhio · November 2009

I understand.
When my sister had an abortion, she asked me to take her to the clinic. I was holding up fine, and being strong.
But then...we pulled into the parking lot and I lost it. I was crying and told her I'm just sad. I wanted a neice/nephew so bad, but knew with her only being 19 (at the time), not a steady job, and a bf that left her, it all made sense.
I am pro-choice, but I can still understand your sadness.
All you can do is be there for her and support her. She will need you.

megs042107 · November 2009

DelGrecoBride:
good god yall she isn't making her friends situation about her. She is simply stating how it makes her sad...everyone has some type of feeling in this situation. telling her she is being selfish and she just needs to be a friend isn't even relevant.

Exactly. I am surprised at some of the responses!

To the OP, sorry your friend is going through this. An abortion is sad, no matter what your stance on it. I'm sure you're giving your friend the best support you can.

July28 2006 · November 2009

I can see having sad feelings about it. And I personally think you did the right thing, you supported her and vented elsewhere. You're good. Also being a mom did not change my pro choice stance at all, but it does change my outlook. I have a 16 year old student who is due in March and I look at her and I think, "I want to be due in March instead of this 16 year old girl." Instead, I'm on cycle 5. It makes sense when things hit close to home, they can hurt.

Spin313 · November 2009

I think it's natural to feel a bit sad in that situation, but you really need to be there for your friend. A few years ago, my BIL's (now ex) gf had an abortion. Of course I though, "wow, that would have been my niece or nephew," but neither was in a place to have that child.

kali_ · November 2009

I know how you are feeling. I had a friend who had an abortion when I was TTC and to be honest, it devastated me. I'm very pro-life and I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I did support her in every way I could, but that coupled with me getting pregnant shortly thereafter definitely changed our friendship.

I'm sorry for your friend and hope you feel better, too.

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