Birth Stories

My birth story + post delivery hell

I think I'm finally ready to write this out. While Henry's actual birth didn't include any horrible complications, afterwards can only be described as the worst time of my life.

October 5, 2009 started out just like any other day. I had to go in for my bi-weekly non stress test thanks to Henry being stubborn and not wanting to move much some days. I just so happened to have my 40 week appointment that day so I scheduled it before hoping I would be in labor and could skip the 30 minutes of laying on my left side clicking a button. I was not in labor, but after a ton of begging (which had been going on for 2 weeks- I'll explain my reasoning later) and an elevated BP reading my Dr scheduled my induction for the next day.

I happily skipped off to my NST all while telling Henry that I needed him to be good during the NST because I had a lot to do before the next morning. As always, Henry didn't listen. He refused to move and his heart rate kept dropping into the 120's and then shooting up into the 180's. The nurse sent me home and told me after the Dr looked at my NST results that she'd call me.

2 hours later I was packed up and on the way to the hospital to be induced. We got to the hospital around 2pm and hung out until 4 when my Dr came in to check me. Just as I thought...barely effaced, maybe fingertip dilated, and Henry's head was high. Just as I'd done for the previous 2 weeks, I told the Dr that he hadn't dropped because he was stuck on my hip. Around 4:30 I was started on cytotec to soften my cervix. I started to get a few contractions, but nothing too painful. I didn't sleep the whole night because I was just too excited.

The next morning the Dr came in and checked me...no change and surprise surprise Henry hadn't dropped. Nevertheless they started me on Pitocin and oh my god contractions really suck. Since I wasn't progressing I couldn't get an epidural and the pain meds they gave me only worked for about an hour. Around 5pm my contractions started to get unbearable. I seriously wanted to kill anyone in the room who dared to make a sound. At 7pm I started throwing up and that's when I declared if Henry hadn't dropped that I was finished. At 7:30pm the Dr checked me again and I hadn't made any progress. He told me they'd turn off the pitocin and start the next day. I told him if he stopped the pitocin that I was leaving and not coming back. I told him to cut me open and get Henry out. I knew he was stuck and I felt like something was wrong. He obliged and at 8pm I was being wheeled into the OR.

I had never been so scared in all of my life. I started to have an internal panic attack when I got into the room and told the nurse I was going to die. I almost called off the whole thing, but I knew that wasn't an option. The spinal was a breeze and once I was numb I knew there was no turning back. I continued to throw up while the anesthesiologist pumped me full of nausea meds. When Andrew was allowed in the room they had already had me cut open (I had no idea). The c-section was so easy. I felt a little tugging, but no pressure or anything. I got a little nervous when I heard the Dr asking for a vacuum, but a minute later they said "dad get your camera ready. Here he comes." Guess where the camera was...In Andrews jeans pocket which was inside his suit they had him put on. I remember saying "Andrew!" in a condescending tone, but our quick thinking (and wonderful) anesthesiologist ripped open Andrew's suit just in time for him to get pictures of Henry being pulled out.

Henry was born at 8:30pm on October 6, 2009. He weighed in at 8lb 90z and was indeed very stuck (which I knew all along). The Dr said he would've never been born vaginally and that made me feel good that I made the right decision. Most moms will say the moment they heard their baby cry they were in love. That wasn't the case for me. Henry screamed like I had never heard a baby scream before. It was not cute and being on all of the pain meds I was on I thought "What the heck kind of sound is that." I was happy he was healthy, but that honestly was the extent of love I felt for him at the time. After Henry was cleaned up we were rolled into the recovery room where my mom was waiting. I continued to throw up and was pumped full of phenergan so that's where my memories of his birth stop. I faintly remember the nurse holding my boob while Henry nursed, but then I passed out.

The next morning I woke up and realized that I had in fact had a baby. We were discharged 2 days later and that is where my post-delivery hell began. The second night we were home I developed a horrible backache. I blamed it on the birth and went on with my night. The next night my back hurt so bad that I had to have Andrew get up with Henry. I honestly couldn't take the crying when I was in so much pain. Later that night my stomach started hurting as well. The next morning I woke up and I had rolls on my ankles. I was a little alarmed so I called my Drs office. The nurse assured me this was totally normal and was because I was pumped full of fluids. That afternoon I started really hurting. This is also when I started to resent Henry. I hated his crying and thought "why can't he just shut up." I hated having to pump for him to eat and was sure we had made a huge mistake.

I ended up calling the Dr the next morning and went in for an appointment. That is when I heard the horrible words "You need to go to the hospital now and check yourself in." I just broke down in tears. I had a 5 day old baby and he wanted me to go to the hospital. I ended up taking Henry in with me and had all intentions of keeping him in my room until thankfully some mom logic kicked in and I realized the hospital was not for a baby. I was at the hospital for 3 days. I was hooked up to an IV and eventually diagnosed with pre-eclampsia. Apparently I started to develop it at the end of my pregnancy. The last 2 weeks of my pregnancy I had a feeling something was wrong. I begged for an induction, but Drs don't schedule inductions because of mommy instinct...even if it's correct. My blood pressure shot up and I was put on Magnesium Sulfate (aka the medicine of the devil). The mag sulfate made me feel horrible and I just sat in bed feeling sorry for myself. On the morning of the 3rd day the nurse let me know my liver enzymes weren't dropping and I was stuck at the hospital for another night. I seriously thought I was going to lose it. I finally cut a deal with the Dr and she said if my numbers went down later in the day that I could go home. Luckily they did and I was on my way to see my baby.

Right when I got home Henry started crying and I instantly resented him again. I cried because I was so afraid to be alone with him and was so worried I'd hurt him in some way. I have never been so scared of myself in my life. I didn't know how I could have such thoughts. This went on for a two days (luckily my mom was staying with us) until I started feeling like I had a fever. I called the Dr and he wanted to send my back to the hospital again. By this point I was totally numb. My emotions were so screwed up and I wasn't myself at all. I ended up being in the hospital for 3 more days. While I was there my temperature went up to 103 and I swore I had bacterial meningitis and was dying (like I said my brain was going nuts). I cried and cried and finally my fever broke. I ended up being diagnosed with mastitis and a secondary infection they couldn't figure out. I was sent home with antibiotics.

The first night I was home I was a little nervous because of my previous mental state, but the next morning I woke up and felt like I totally different person. I still wasn't bonded with Henry, but I felt like he was mine and actually liked him. My mom finally left a week after she planned and I was alone with my baby. Now that I was alone I decided to pull out the front pack. I used it all day and hurt my neck so I made an appointment with my Dr. Sure enough I had a pulled muscle in my neck and while I was there I mentioned that I had found a lump in my breast. He sent me for a breast ultrasound where they classified my lump as "suspicious" and I was scheduled the next day for a biopsy.

The biopsy sucked, but not nearly as bad as the wait for the results. Every time I looked at Henry I would cry because I was so afraid of leaving him momless (me being dramatic again). Finally after 36 hours of waiting I got my results...my lump was from pregnancy/breastfeeding. I picked Henry up and gave him the biggest hug.

And here I am a month later. I am healthy and feel like the luckiest girl alive. Henry is amazing. Sometimes I just stare at him and wonder how Andrew and I could've made someone so perfect. I would do anything for him and feel so protective of him. He is better than I could've even imagined and even though I feel like I went through hell, I would do it again for him. Here are some newborn pictures for you. I personally think he's the cutest baby ever.

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Re: My birth story + post delivery hell

  • Ok well for starters... Congrats congrats congrats!!! Henry is precious. I remember writing to you abt his 3D/4D pics and he was cute then lol. Glad your C-section went well. I was told i almost had to get one bc i was not progressing fast enough... but then all the sudden she came on her own.

    As far as your post delivery hell... glad things are so much better for you now. But to be under so much stress definitely took a toll.

    Im glad everything is all well now and you and so in love with henry!!!

    Congrats again!

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  • Thank you for sharing your story!  I think we all expect the arrival of our babies to be this magical moment where we instantly bond and everything is sunshine and flowers.  Your experience was really scary, but it is good to be aware that not everyone has a perfect experience and that there's nothing *wrong* with us if we don't have that perfect experience.

    I'm glad to hear that things are going better now. 

    Jack Donovan, b. Christmas Eve, 2009.

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  • Congrats on your precious baby!

    Reading your birth story, well, the post delivery hell portion, I was wondering about pre-e.  My story is different in that my pre-e hit at the very end of my VERY long pregnancy.  I had an emergency c-section because of it.  It was awful.  The mag drip--FROM HELL!  OMG.  I didn't have the infection aftermath that you dealt with, I can't even begin to imagine that nightmare.

    It sounds like you are doing really well now, I'm thrilled to see that.  You do have a sweet little baby!

    If you are realy bored, I posted my birth story on my "home" board:  https://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/25433505.aspx  (And when I say long, I'm not kidding!)

    Take care and thanks for sharing your story!

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  • Wow - this is the most honest birth story I've read. It's great to see that sometimes the 'fairy tale' we have in our heads don't come true and it really is a struggle. Thank you for sharing and I'm so happy to see things are better. Your baby is a doll. Smile
  • thank you for sharing your story. just remember that you are an amazing, strong woman and that if you can survive a hellish ordeal like that you can do ANYTHING.
  • Amy! I remember you as the '3rd tri lurker' from when I was on the 1st tri boards. So happy to see that everything worked out after a few weeks - sorry you went through so much physically and emotionally though. But I'm sure you're a stronger woman today because of what you went through. Congrats on the handsome little boy!
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  • Congrats! Sorry to see that you had some problems, but its great that everything worked out.
  • Oh, hon, I can so relate and it's so good to know we're not alone!  I too had the c-section and recovery from hell.  Different issues, but I can understand all the way down to the panic attack in the OR, insanely swollen ankles/feet and resentment towards my dd.  I didn't feel better for weeks physically and it was months for me to feel more normal emotionally.

    I'm so glad you are able to love your lo like you do.  It's therapeutic to write it out and recognize what you've been through.  You are brave and should be proud of yourself. 

  • Thank you so much for your honesty!
    Nathan Thomas, C-section (frank breech), September 22, 2008 Maren Anne, VBAC, April 6, 2010 Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • I'm glad after all that that you are both okay. Henry is so beautiful.
  • Your story is wonderfully honest.  I, too, experienced the joy of the Mag Sulfate.  That is worse than contractions with no pain medicine, IMO!  And, Henry was the name we had picked out for our LO, had she been a boy!
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