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Attachment Parenting
acia
member
Baby watching TV?
acia
member
I came downstairs this morning to DD sitting in her bouncy chair "watching" cartoon with DH. He was talking to her every now and then, but they were both facing the TV. He was so excited because "Daddy and baby are watching Sunday morning cartoons together!" DD was content, but was obviously not getting much from this "interaction" (she was just staring straight ahead chewing on her bib). When I'm with DD, the TV is rarely on - the only time I let her watch it is if she's super fussy (the movement and colors soothe her, I think), and then it's only for a few minutes, and I'm holding her the whole time.
Maybe this is no big deal, but I really don't want DD watching TV at this age, and I especially don't want this to become the way she spends time with her dad. However, DH is so busy right now and rarely gets to spend time with her, and I don't want to criticize the way he does things and discourage him from being with her (he gets really defensive even if I "gently suggest" he do things differently). I know he'd respond better to fact-based evidence that says that TV watching is not good for young children rather than his wife nagging him about it..
So, does anyone have any research articles or links that show or explain why TV watching isn't good for babies?
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Re: Baby watching TV?
The way you worded your post it sounds very "me against him-and my way is right". I think you need to have a discussion about your parenting ideals in general, and what your goals are... not tell him, "You can't watch TV with her because Dr xYZ says so"
I agree with PP. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting DD and DH to actually be interacting when they spend time together, but be careful about how you approach this or you may just come off as super controlling. And I'm only saying this from experience! DH used to watch Ultimate Fighting wtih DD. Yeah. I hated it and didn't hesitate to tell him so. It backfired big time. His thinking was "this is my daughter too and you can't tell me what to do or how to do it all the time. I get to decide sometimes too."
So I let it go - I think at the time she was like between 2 and 3 months. I had to bite my tongue so many times, but actually it helped me learn that I just had to let DH figure things out on his own, b/c we always ended up arguing when I would give him "advice" (i.e. tell him what to do). This was especially true when I spouted research or expert-speak. He totally shut down and would not listen.
Fast-foward a few months, and he is dead-set against DD seeing anything violent or over-stimulating (duh) and never watches fighting or anything like that when she's around. I think it just takes men more time to figure out how to interact with babies - and when they don't move around or aren't as verbal or social it's hard for them to constantly entertain them I think.
Anyway - I might be the odd one out on this board, but I don't get all super strict about the tv. I dont' necessarily think tv is evil - it can serve an educational purpose. But it shouldn't be used as a babysitter.
In any case, maybe for this situation just modeling for DH what you do with LO might have better results than preaching. He will eventually see how you interact and entertain without the tv is more fun and more positive.
I'm in the monority here, but I have a really big problem with babies watching tv. Studies show that watching TV before age two can lead to ADHD and aggression, and I wouldn't want that for my LO. It's the varied volume, fast scene changes, etc.
However, I wouldn't want to squelch your husband's interaction with her, so I think what I would do is order some Signing Time DVDs. I think those are supposed to be okay for babies. I'm not sure your DH would be into that (they are kinda boring), especially if he's really just watching the cartoons for himself and not for DD. If the Signing DVD thing doesn't work, then I would just ask that while its fine for him to watch tv while he's with her, it would be better if he didn't allow her to face the screen.
I don't think that whenever your DH and DD are together he needs to be interacting with her 100% of the time. Babies need alone time too and mellow time, so him watching tv with her facing him (instead of the screen) should be fine.
I agree. For about the first year we had a strict no tv on policy. Now DS watches some tv here and there, I have to laugh at this though, because the only thing he watches is Finding Nemo. I think having the television constantly on and loud with no one interacting is much much different than watching a show with your LO. Some mornings I am exhausted and need to distract DS while I get ready for work. Rather than running around saying no and getting frustrated, I will let him watch tv. Also, we spend SO much time interacting with DS that I doubt some tv here and there is going to hurt.
Although, I would not critize your DH in front of him. Dads are ultra-senstive. Especially in the beginning!
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this won't be terribly helpful bc i can't think where i saw the info, but here you go.
i'm pretty sure that the questionable content or lack of human interaction are NOT actually the issues behind the AAP rec that kiddos younger than 2 don't watch tv. i think it is the flicker rate of a projected image, so same issue for monitors, movies, etc. again, no real help without the source...
I think you are right.. but I didn't really go into it since the OP admits to using the TV sometimes herself with the baby.
Also, I think there is something to be said for a new dad feeling excited about interacting with his newborn. IIRC, the Op had some problems with him not interacting with her... so for him to be excited about something and then get shut down, it could be hurtful to him.
I'm not saying the baby should watch TV, just that I don't think it is something I would veto 100% (because I know I have the TV on some days, and I'm sure my DD sees it!). And, if I do it it's not fair to say my H can't....
I would just approach it gently and suggest your DH face your child away from the TV or not have the TV on for more than 10 or 15 minutes at a time. Say something very simple like "it's too much stimulation for a baby that age" and leave it at that, and try to say it as nicely and as normally as possible so that your DH doesn't feel judged, criticized, etc. If you bring a bunch of research into it, your DH will probably feel like he is being attacked.
Here's some of the research, though I agree with PP that you shouldn't necessarily use it to "prove" you're right (especially as the science is not exact by any means) and the recommendation is limit/no TV under 2 but the reasons aren't cut and dry per se.
Two good summary articles: https://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1882560,00.html
https://www.medpagetoday.com/Pediatrics/GeneralPediatrics/13091
An older AAP statement: https://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;107/2/423
I found your question intriguing as both grand-dads are so excited that lil' M will be able to watch football with them and DH and he's about the same age. I've run into this issue the past 3 weekends and don't watch TV at all with LO, nor do I keep it on in the house until after he goes to bed. However, what ends up happening w/family is M looks at the TV for 2-3 min. (at which point someone comments about how cute/great it is) then he plays with his hands or wants to change position. I've let it go. He "watches" less than 10 min. a day on the weekend, or 20 min. a week (hopefully less after football season).
That said, it is not a way for baby to bond with baby as all research points to singing, talking, playing, interacting, but it sounds like with your DH it might be a way for him to bond with baby. Maybe suggest he holds LO while watching instead of the bouncer and suggest a time limit. However, if you and DH are really on such different pages toward parenting and your relationship is rocky right now, I'd pick your battles and if infrequent short times, I'd let it go for now, but make sure you're not sliding down a slippery slope with TV watching.
really well said.
and full disclosure here: i know my DD sees the TV from time to time too. my DH plays with her in his lap while checking the euro soccer scores every weekend.
DD doesn't watch much (read any) TV when with me.
DH has done exactly what you are describing. He was cuddling with her on the couch and they were watching TV. He was so excited. Here are my thoughts.
DH isn't able to sit and do nothing too often. So he needs some time to veg out.
DH and DD have their own ways of bonding. She was cuddled up with him, he commented on the TV to her, she would look at him after she smiled and he would comment and smile back. There was interaction. It was worthwhile time between DH and DD. I won't be doing it. But they were both happy and safe so why am I going to try to alter it? DD loves DH and vice versa.
ETA: just realized your DC is 2 months. At that age, I really wouldn't be any more horrified (I just wouldn't expect DH to be conversing as much). If DC is happy being held by Daddy while trying to figure out complex visual stimuli, I would just let it happen...(and semi passive aggressively model that I don't encourage DC to watch TV) But I wouldn't critique DH's parenting.
We struggle with this as well, just so you know, so you're not alone. I really try to not have Wes watch tv, but even I am guilty when nothing else works of sitting and watching some Disney channel with him when I'm spent. But the main culprit is DH. He doesn't leave him alone to watch TV, he does sit with him, which is better I suppose, but he does it much more than I would like.
To be honest though, I'm not sure how much I want to fight the battle. We both work or go to school full time AND stay at home full time (if that makes sense; we take turns) and it's a lot to handle. Sometimes it's all we can do to get a mental break.