Does your DH support your AP style?

Ali05 · November 2009

Mostly a lurker- but I was just curious. We've "fallen" into an APish lifestyle. I love EBFing and don't plan to wean him until he decides too. I love bedsharing! It's frustrating when DH is always asking when I 'm going to wean him and why don't you just put him in the crib. I wish he was more supportive.

flutiefrostie · November 2009

DH was slow to embrace AP, and basically just let me make all the decisions at first. He's slowly becoming more opinionated about things, and I would say he's probably more AP than I am. I've even caught him debating the merits of breastfeeding with his friends, which I find hilarious.

MommaToBatman · November 2009

I as well EBF and bed share. My SO is supportive most of the time, but still asks me questions like that too. His family asks more so than him though and it's getting annoying. Oh well!

MrsErinnElizabeth · November 2009

DH is all for it. He was AP-minded way before I was. But then again, in my experience, Australia tends to be much more AP-friendly than the States.

thomas930 · November 2009

I think that we kinda of fell into AP. He is very supportive of me breastfeeding, we co-sleep and bedshared for the first few weeks (and still do on occasion). Every time we talk about moving her into her room we usually find and excuse to keep her in for another month :-)

Now my parents on the other hand, will say that we are spoiling her.

moroccojade · November 2009

DH doesn't know anything else. It's just how life is where he's from. (I'm sure there are some less AP families - especially in the big cities - but he's never seen it.)

rianals · November 2009

DH pretty much has let me make most of the decisions re: DD. He does ask how long I'm going to BF and when she is "supposed to" sleep in her crib. He isn't being judgemental, though. He is really curious about how things are supposed to be.

bandwife · November 2009

DH lets me make the big decisions. I really wanted a home birth and it took him a long time to get on board with the idea. The birth was such an amazing experience for both of us (he is now a home birth zealot!) that I think he has a lot of confidence in my choices.

I also tend to research the sh*t out of stuff AP both feels natural and so right for us and our son AND there is excellent research to back up all of our choices. Doesn't hurt that anecdotally our niece and nephews raised AP (my side of the family) are amazing kids.

brideofaussie · November 2009

DH is down w/ the BFing and co-sleeping.

But he does not interact w/ DS when he is watching him like I wish he would. In some ways he's awesome w/ DS- even better than me. But in other ways he isn't. I guess we all have things we could work on.

LLB430 · November 2009

Yes he is on board. I started talking to him about AP style early in my pregnancy. I am so greatful he supports AP b/c his parents really do not.

Dobie_Mama · November 2009

DH is possibly even more AP than me.

Ali05 · November 2009

flutiefrostie:
DH was slow to embrace AP, and basically just let me make all the decisions at first. He's slowly becoming more opinionated about things, and I would say he's probably more AP than I am. I've even caught him debating the merits of breastfeeding with his friends, which I find hilarious.

That is hilarious! How cool. I think DH is less supportive because his parents keep asking why isn't the baby isn't STTN (we should just let him CIO) and when I am going to stop BFing etc. But I guess I shouldn't complain because he lets me make all the decisions even if he doesn't quite agree.

I ::ducks head in shame:: didn't research any parenting styles while I was pregnant. I think if I did- I could have better prepared DH. I 've just done what feels right. and now I'm researching stuff and finding that it feels right because it IS right

ncbelle · November 2009

He does - but we've never really had a sit down discussion where we identified as AP; it's just what we've always done.

I will say, he's way more ready than I am to transition kiddo to his crib. Mostly because he doesn't feel comfortable sleeping with kiddo in the bed anymore (he's a bad sleeper so kiddo's moving keeps him up). We have very opposite sleep schedules though since DH works late nights, so he's been sleeping in the spare room part time for well before kiddo was born.

ejgballerina · November 2009

I had DH read the chapter on fathers in Dr. Sears AP book and then he read the whole book. Now, I think he's even more AP than I am sometimes! It was very foreign to him at first, but once he read about all the benefits and realized how well it works and how much we all enjoy it, he was sold 100%.

goodheartedmommy · November 2009

DH is just as into AP as I am. In fact, in a lot of ways, he guided me towards it with our first. If I heard comments about it all the time, he'd get put in his place. I do the majority of parenting, I'm the one that does the research, I don't need someone questioning everything I do all the time.

Chrysallys · November 2009

DH is very much into AP and actually wanted to bedshare before I did and had to convince me.

Hippinski · November 2009

Very much so. He was a bit unsure with our first but only in the beginning. Now he is fully supportive.

acia · November 2009

I posted the very same question awhile back: https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/25327809.aspx

DH is mostly supportive of the way I do things, but when he's with her, he definitely doesn't do things the AP way. I'm sure he'd be happy to transition her to her crib ASAP - and he sort of rolls his eyes that I wear her so much. He's on board with the breast feeding, though. He says he thinks I'm making it harder on myself doing things the AP way. He doesn't try to stop me, even though I know he'd do things differently, because I'm the one caring for her 90% of the time anyways! Maybe he'll be more on board as she gets older.

MrsWanee · November 2009

i'm not entirely AP, but mostly. my DH keeps telling me to do CIO which makes me really angry. i've tried explaining why it's bad and that even if it was ok, he's too young, but he just doesn't get it. he also thinks i shouldn't wear LO for naps and that i should just put him in his crib. sigh. at least he trusts my skills as a mother though.

dmogmo · November 2009

He is, to the extent that we are ap anyway. He was all for breastfeeding, but supportive when the pumping became too much to keep up with. He doesn't participate in wearing, I think he thinks it's odd but he doesn't criticize it. I know he likes that the baby will go to sleep in it if he's tired and we're out and about.

It's funny - when G was very small he mentioned CIO a time or too. I told him no way and he's never asked again. He's the first one to jump up and go to him if he cries half the time anyway, so I don't see him being able to do CIO any more that I could.

Bedsharing he would never be okay with - and honestly I do not know that I would be either (**for us I mean, I don't have an issue with it in general). We bring G in with us sometimes on the weekends, but I never go back to sleep them. However, I am trying to convince him to keep #2 (when we get there that is) in the PNP with us - I loved having G in the same room with us when we went away this summer.

funchicken · November 2009

DH and I are on the same page, and if we find that we differ on something, we talk about it.

JenninMA · November 2009

100%. I find it kind of funny that to most of the world he's Mr. Corporate (this guy doesn't even own a pair of jeans), but I know he's Mr. Crunch underneath the suit.

LoveEeyore · November 2009

With #1, he left it to me and I just did AP things, then I learned about AP and was able to share with him a label and studies and he got more on board. BF- absolutely- it's cheaper! The babywearing he chalked up to new mom clinginess, but was fine b/c he never had to buy a stroller- LOL! He supported the cosleeping b/c I slept in her room and it meant he didn't have nighttime duty and it didn't wake him up!

With the twins he is becoming more involved and interested in AP b/c we have an amazing little girl who is happy, confident and very smart and a good listener. Our friends' kids are a little more wild and he himself decided that it was AP. This weekend we had DD's 2nd bday party and had about 12 kids between 2 and 6 and he told me that he loved his crunchy little wifey and really appreciates DD so much more now. He also wants me to savor and enjoy the twins in every way and wants me to do exactly what I want to do since he absolutely does not want any more kids.

So short answer yes. He doesn't really get it, but supports me and follows my lead since he believes in my belief in AP.

momofolivia · November 2009

like pp I am the researcher of the family, so if he brings up something that is more 'mainstream' and less AP, I explain to him why it doesn't really match our values that we have agreed on so far. Usually the info is enough to have him agree.

He's quicker to want to CIO, he wasn't comfortable with cosleeping (after he would roll over on her), but he does enjoy snuggling with her. It took some information on birth outside a hospital before he was on board, but then he was on it 100%. He was very onboard for BFing (cheaper!), but was still ready for me to wean at 24 months.

Ali05 · November 2009

acia:

I posted the very same question awhile back: https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/25327809.aspx

DH is mostly supportive of the way I do things, but when he's with her, he definitely doesn't do things the AP way. I'm sure he'd be happy to transition her to her crib ASAP - and he sort of rolls his eyes that I wear her so much. He's on board with the breast feeding, though. He says he thinks I'm making it harder on myself doing things the AP way. He doesn't try to stop me, even though I know he'd do things differently, because I'm the one caring for her 90% of the time anyways! Maybe he'll be more on board as she gets older.

Thanks for posting the link. Wow I could have written your post. I posted my question because when I leave DS with DH. DS ends up in the bouncer or high chair...and it's sad because you can tell that DS is trying to "play" with DH. DH would rather play video games. He just keeps telling me to enjoy him while I can because when he is older- DS will just wanna play "man games" with DH. oh well I know it could be worse. I just wish I could get him on board with me.

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