How in the world do I teach her to self soothe? Help please!!

DarcyLongfellow · November 2009

I hope you don't mind a question from someone who isn't a regular on this board.

DD was such a good sleeper from about 1 month to 3 months. But in the last couple of weeks, everything has gone downhill. She was sleeping 12 hours straight at night, sometimes waking up once to eat then going right back to sleep. Now, she's waking up every hour or two at night, and I'm pretty sure things are only getting worse.

A few weeks ago, I had started putting her down drowsy but awake. She would sometimes fuss a bit, but she could put herself down. Then, that started going downhill, and I don't want to let her cry herself to sleep.

Now, I'm nursing her to sleep every time she needs to go to sleep. But it's really not working -- I think she's starting to depend on sucking to sleep even more the more I do it. I don't mind nursing her to sleep for naps and bedtime (and even once or twice during the night), but I'm pretty sure that what she's doing now is needing to nurse to sleep every time she naturally wakes at night.

So, how do I teach her to put herself to sleep? I've tried to have a consistent routine -- I change her, read a book, swaddle her, sing a song, then nurse to sleep.

Thanks for any advice (or book suggestions)!!!

cindy453 · November 2009

Will she go back to sleep if you rub her stomach? You could try the Pantley pull off (from the No Cry Sleep Solution). Basically, you nurse until the active sucking stops. Once it's slowed down, gently break the seal and remove your nipple. Rub, shush, rock, whatever. If she is really upset and rooting, offer the breast again but again remove when the active sucking stops. At first it takes a LOT of removals, but eventually it gets better. I think one poster said they did the pull off 11 times the first night!

or... you are at about the 4 month stage. I keep hearing that babies have a wicked sleep regression at 4 months. So, hopefully it passes quickly?

DarcyLongfellow · November 2009

When I try to just rub her stomach or pat her butt, it seems to just make her more upset. She wants to be picked up. Occasionally I can get her to settle down by doing the Happiest Baby on the Block shhhing when I hold her sideways against my chest. But it takes maybe 30 minutes, and she often wakes up shortly after I set her down. So nursing her for 15 minutes seems easier. But maybe she'd rely less on the shhing to sleep than she does on the nursing?

I've read about the Pantley Pull Off -- do I do it while she's still awake and basically stop her from sucking to sleep? Would I then just rock her to sleep?

LucyPevensie · November 2009

I have good news and bad news.

The good news is - she's totally normal. And not necessarily turning into a "bad" sleeper.

The bad news is - she wasn't necessarily a "good" sleeper before. Or rather, she was, but it was more "accidental" than anything else. Luck o' the baby draw, basically. Babies grow and change so fast. I remember my sister (mother of six) telling me when Jack was really young and he was a "good sleeper" .. "OK - but that could change next week."

So depending on how you view it, it's good that she's not "regressing" - because she was never "ahead" as a sleeper to begin with. She was just doing her baby thing. And is now changing, and moving on to a new phase of her very young existence, and is a more restless sleeper right now. This will change too. In the end, hopefully she'll be a great sleeper, but try not to panic just because it's kind of crappy now. Do what you have to do to get through it - she's still REALLY young - and she and her sleep habits will continue to grow and change in the months ahead.

(Oh - and there are a million sleep books, all of them claiming to have "the answer" - most of them don't. Some have a bit of valuable information here and there. Take it all with a grain of salt. There is no perfect "THIS will work" solution. If I had to recommend one book - it would be "The No Cry Sleep Solution.")

anna7602 · November 2009

Sounds like the 4-month wakeful period to me. They're changing so quickly and absorbing new information every day at that age. She's probably just on the verge of doing all kinds of new things- rolling, scooting, etc. The good news is that it is a phase and it does pass.

DarcyLongfellow · November 2009

anna7602:
Sounds like the 4-month wakeful period to me. They're changing so quickly and absorbing new information every day at that age. She's probably just on the verge of doing all kinds of new things- rolling, scooting, etc. The good news is that it is a phase and it does pass.

I was wondering if it could be an early 4 month wakeful. She just learned to roll from her back to her tummy (another reason drowsy but awake stopped working -- she would flip over onto her tummy and scream because she didn't want to be on her tummy) and she's also just learning to grasp and hold things.

I keep telling myself that she's doing all these new and exciting, but probably also scary, things during the day, so she just needs more comfort at night. I'm just so frustrated, probably because of the lack of sleep. And pain -- she's nursing so much I'm getting blisters again!

Thanks for all the advice, ladies.

KJslp · November 2009

I was going to post this same exact question today except for my DD is 13 months old. She was an "ok" sleeper until we hit 4 months. In hindsight, it was the start of our teething craziness since she started to cut teeth at 4.5 months and it hasn't stopped yet. We are currently working on all 4 of our molars.

I have read the No Cry Sleep Solution and we are working with those techniques. It has helped but not fixed our nightwakings. She is up between 1-2 times per night. Ugh!

GL!

anna7602 · November 2009

KJslp:

I was going to post this same exact question today except for my DD is 13 months old. She was an "ok" sleeper until we hit 4 months. In hindsight, it was the start of our teething craziness since she started to cut teeth at 4.5 months and it hasn't stopped yet. We are currently working on all 4 of our molars.

I have read the No Cry Sleep Solution and we are working with those techniques. It has helped but not fixed our nightwakings. She is up between 1-2 times per night. Ugh!

GL!

I hate to sound like my response to everything is "this too shall pass," but it will! DD started night waking again around 15 months when she was cutting her molars and again with her canines at 17months, but mercifully, she is back to sleeping all night again. There was nearly a solid month there in which I asked if I had a newborn all over again because she was sleeping so poorly and wanting to nurse almost round-the-clock. I am so relieved it's over (until the next teething crisis).

flutiefrostie · November 2009

That was my DS to a T! He was a superb sleeper, went down by himself, etc. until right at 4 months. Then he needed to be nursed to sleep, would sometimes only sleep with me, and woke a lot during the night. Cosleeping helped. About 3 weeks ago, he started being able to go down by himself again, and he's down to waking 1-2 times at night. It gets better. We didn't even really do anything to encourage sleeping (although the past few nights I've been doing the Baby Whisperer's technique of rousing him about half an hour before he normally wakes during the night. He was waking at 2 am and just wanting his pacifier back- it's working well so far!) The past two days it's been harder to get him down because he's trying to crawl. Like pp's said, good sleep comes and goes

. GL and hang in there.

KJslp · November 2009

flutiefrostie:
We didn't even really do anything to encourage sleeping (although the past few nights I've been doing the Baby Whisperer's technique of rousing him about half an hour before he normally wakes during the night. He was waking at 2 am and just wanting his pacifier back- it's working well so far!)

Do you mind sharing the Baby Whisperer technique for the wakings? My DD has been starting to wake up around midnight consistently. TIA!

KJslp · November 2009

Anna:

Thank you for the reassuring words. We are starting to feel weary with all of the night wakings and I hope that they quickly pass. It might not be until after she gets her 2 year old molars... Stick out tongue

flutiefrostie · November 2009

KJslp:
flutiefrostie:
We didn't even really do anything to encourage sleeping (although the past few nights I've been doing the Baby Whisperer's technique of rousing him about half an hour before he normally wakes during the night. He was waking at 2 am and just wanting his pacifier back- it's working well so far!)

Do you mind sharing the Baby Whisperer technique for the wakings? My DD has been starting to wake up around midnight consistently. TIA!

If she's waking up at the same time every night, you gently rouse her about half an hour before she would normally wake up. I don't remember how long you're supposed to do that because it was from the library and I already returned it. I forgot to set my alarm last night, though, and he slept fine, so 3 times might be enough.

Jelliebean1982 · November 2009

It sounds like the 4 month wakeful period. My kid woke up every hour during that month, and then as mysteriously as her sleep regressed when she hit 4 months, it went right back to normal at 5 months. It'll get better. Just get through this month.

sparky88 · November 2009

Hi,

I am reading this post to see what others say. My (almost) 8M old DD has been up 3-6 times per night since she turned 4 months old. She also slept great during month 2-3 then things went downhill with teething, comfort sucking, etc. It seems like just when things start getting better (up 1-2 times per night) something changes (new tooth, travel to unfamiliar place, recently the time change, etc). Just know that you are not alone in your experience and keep doing what is best for your family.

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How in the world do I teach her to self soothe? Help please!!

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