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need some help regarding a somewhat difficult situation w/ my dad
My dad is an epileptic. He had several seizures while driving and thus, he doesn't drive anymore. He hasn't driven in ages (probably 10-15 years now?). My mom is not the greatest person when it comes to getting her to do things w/ my dad (I honestly don't know why they're still married, awful as that sounds). Uh, anyway. She doesn't really take him out of the house, she has tons of friends and leaves him at home. So he's at home probably 90-95% of his time. Which SUCKS. Added to the basic hermit-lifestyle he leads, he's a bit depressed about life (his meds have a lot to do with that) and has suicidal thoughts. Fun, huh!?
Yeah, so anyway. My sister and I have been taking turns one weekend a month each, taking him outside the house and doing whatever he wants to do. Problem is, he's been such a hermit (he really doesn't have very many friends nearby, he's a loner Dottie, a rebel) that he doesn't really know what he wants to do when it comes time for us to hang out.
I've "got him" this Sunday and I just texted to ask what he wanted to do and my mom (dad doesn't "do" technology, I text my mom and she asks him and gets back to me) told me he doesn't know, he'll let me decide. Well, I want HIM to have fun but don't know how to entertain him other than taking him shopping or something as lame.
He doesn't like sports, he doesn't like mechanical things, he's not your typical guy, really. He does love crafts.
What I'm needing here is an idea for something he and I could do together that would be fun and stimulating for him. Any craft ideas or something? I'm willing to do whatever, just tell me what and where or how and I'm on it. It makes me so sad to see my dad in his situation but living so far and w/ the boys, there's not much I can do.
He has asked for a bike for Christmas so we're all going to go in and get him a bike (I'm thinking one of those cruiser type bikes w/ three wheels so if he does have a seizure, he won't just fall over!), any bike trails down south that would be just for bikers and no car traffic? I'd take him biking when I had my day with him if I knew where we could go.
My other question: is there a service in Austin where you can hire someone to drive him around (not really a taxi or a towncar service) and take him places and wait while he does things (i.e. maybe takes him to the mall and will be there when he's done)? The reason I say not a taxi or a towncar, he gets anxious when someone speaks to him and I'd prefer someone who could use sign and he's nervous in many situations and when he gets nervous or overworked, he has a seizure.
See, told you it was difficult! And I apologize if this was rambling, my thoughts just are jumbled right now.
thanks for any and all help/ideas/tips/suggestions.
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Re: need some help regarding a somewhat difficult situation w/ my dad
My dad used to love to do stuff with model trains. Do you think that's a craft your dad would enjoy? (Or build a model of something else?) My dad would build the train cars, and once my brother was old enough (like, elementary school) he could help my dad out and also build model trains. There was a hobby shop near my house growing up that had space for doing stuff like this, so there might be one down south. (Like a scrapbook store, only with manly stuff!)
As far as the car service, is there a school in Austin for Deaf folks? They might be able to make a recommendation for you, and would likely have appropriate training for following your instructions about not talking to your dad, just waiting with a sign.
ETA: I also meant to recommend the Veloway for a bike trail. I think the three-wheeled bike is a great idea!
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No advice on the transportation issue. In terms of craft stuff he could do, Michaels and Hobby Lobby both offer classes doing various projects. Perhaps if there's a class that interests him, you could take one together one afternoon. You've probably already done this, but you could take him to the library on a regular basis to make sure he has plenty of books at the house. Would he enjoy going to the park for walks with you and the boys?
For hobbies, since he is interested in crafts, would he consider learning how to knit? He could make blankets, hats, etc., and it would be something that he could do at home.
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Ditto the Veloway. It is bikes only so you don't have to worry about running over pedestrians either.
What about kayaking? You could rent a two person kayak and puts around the lake. Or even rent a paddle boat.
Does he like ice cream? A trip to Amy's is always fun
Maybe there is some sort of Holiday craft bazaar or something going on this weekend. Then you could shop around and sometimes they have crafty things to do.
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Maybe take him to one of the hobby stores and pick out a few craft kits that he can work on at home so that he'll have something to do at home.
Does he like to walk on trails? The weather is pretty good right now for being outside, so maybe you could go to a park down south and go walking on the trails together.
What about photography? Does he like taking pictures? You can buy pretty inexpensive point and shoot digital cameras (since you said he doesn't do technology). Maybe you could go around with him and take pictures. You could bring a laptop and edit the pictures with him and then print the ones he likes. (Again, I know he doesn't do technology, but this could be something you do together where you do the technical computer stuff.)
What about painting pictures or drawing? You could get him some art supplies.
As for the driving around...could you hire a college student or one of his neighbors to take him out once a week or so? You could make sure they understand not to talk to him.
Is there some sort of way you could connect him with other deaf adults in his area? Maybe he could be matched with a younger person who could take him out once a month or so. Kind of like a reverse of a Big Brother program.
I know some of these ideas are probably off base or out in left field, but I'm just throwing them out there.
I was thinking the same thing...
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I think the City of Austin (through Parks and Rec dept maybe? or Cap Metro?) has a thing where they will pick someone up and take them where they want to go. I remember when we were trying to figure out my grandmother's situation and they said they would take her to the doctor, to get her hair done, to church, the grocery store, wherever. I will see if I can find those links. If I remember correctly it was maybe $3 each way? Or $5?
Everyone has great suggestions for activities. Good luck! you're a good daughter.
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yes, some great ideas!! thank you all. I love the idea about kayaking, that would be fun.
I try not to have the boys w/ me when I'm with dad b/c I try to focus on my dad only and I'm usually w/ him from ~10am til 5pm-ish. I leave the boys w/ Jay.
I don't think he'd enjoy scrapbooking, but maybe he'd like photography. I do like the idea of trying to see if someone could be matched w/ him, that sounds like fun. He does like people, he's just not very social.
thank you so much for all the ideas, I really do appreciate it. Now I won't feel at such a loss when I have my day w/ him and he doesn't know what to do. I also like the idea of a class at Hobby Lobby or something and painting pottery! fun!
kirknsarah, I'd love that link if you can find it, thanks!
You mentioned the three wheeler bike ... my grandmother purchased one last summer. And she had the hardest time riding it, it was hard to stear etc and she actually did fall off it anyways. She is still very mobile for being in her 70's. Thought Id give my two cents, I bet if she had gone into a bike store they would have been able to get a better option for her needs.
Good luck!
A) nice use of a Pee Wee Herman quote
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They don't have a program in Austin, but they might have some suggestions for ways to help. There is a school for the deaf in S. Austin that goes between S. Congress and S. 1st just south of Town Lake. We drive by it all the time. I bet they would have suggestions.
I sometimes take the city bus and it's really not as bad as one might think.
In my opinion, your dad will be able to pick up hobbies and things to do once he has more mobility. It would be kind of hard for me to think of things I wanted to do if I felt like I would have obstacles getting to do them or didn't get out enough to be able to think up new things. KWIM? So I personally would work on the transportation issue first.
I don't know anything about biking around town, but I can tell you that my parents can and do spend hours at Central Market and Whole Foods for fun. They might be weirdos, though.
I'm not sure if this organization would help or if your dad would qualify, but it looks like they help elderly/disabled/homebound people (errands, transportation, etc.). I know I've heard of a lot of volunteer organizations that do drive around people, but I can't seem to find much info on any.
https://www.fianationalnetwork.org/fia-programs.cfv?pop_list=Children,Frail/Elderly,Physically+Disabled,Terminally+Ill&state=CO&zipcode=78664&radius=25&RadiusZipCodes='0','73301','73344','76527','76530','76537','76573','76574','76578','78613','78615','78621','78626','78627','78628','78630','78634','78641','78642','78645','78646','78651','78653','78660','78664','78669','78673','78674','78680','78681','78682','78683','78691','78701','78702','78703','78704','78705','78708','78709','78710','78711','78712','78713','78714','78715','78716','78717','78718','78720','78721','78722','78723','78724','78725','78726','78727','78728','78729','78730','78731','78732','78733','78734','78735','78741','78742','78745','78746','78750','78751','78752','78753','78754','78755','78756','78757','78758','78759','78760','78761','78762','78763','78764','78765','78766','78768','78769','78771','78772','78773','78774','78778','78779','78780','78781','78782','78783','78785','78786','78787','78788','78789','78799'&popselect=Physically+Disabled
If the link doesn't work, the organization is called Faith in Action and they have several locations around Austin.
I think it's awesome that you do all this for your dad, I hope you can find a situation that makes him happier!
I agree with pp that your dad might be eligible for Cap Metro's door-to-door service.
https://www.capmetro.org/riding/accessibleservices.asp
There is a woodworking store in Austin (183 southbound frontage road, near Burnet) that offers classes, that could be fun:
https://www.woodcraft.com/stores/store.aspx?id=328
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don't know if it's too late, but what about going to a paint your own pottery place. You two could hang out and talk while painting. And what you two make could become gifts for someone. Then when you pick him up next time, you could pick them up.
wow...I should have read the replies first before answering...