I'm just going to jump the gun, since I can't sleep, and start this thread at 2 a.m.
So here's my confession for this week-
I hate the bump, and how it is addicting, and how I seem to lurk on every board (well, not really..) and all I see are happy stories and pretty babies and bumps, etc. I feel like I am purposely doing this to make myself ANGRY/sad/depressed..but most of all it is making me angry. Maybe I should take a bump break.
Also, I'm so pissed off at my cousin. She has 3 kids, 2 1/2, 18 months, and 6 weeks...and seems like she could give a flying fvck about them. Her house is disgusting (so much so that I was babysitting and found an old Milk Chug under the couch that had curdled...and the 18 month old was trying to drink out of it...groosss) She never has her kids in clothes; they walk around all fricken day in their diapers, she props her 6 week old's bottle; and keeps him in the bassinet all day (or so it seems), and she doesn't change the two older kids diapers for what seems like FOREVER (probably 5 or 6 hours..) The kid's diapers are literally down to their knees and she doesn't change them. I shouldn't say I am mad at her, necessarily, because her husband could get off his lazy @ss and do something; but it is just so mind boggling that she does what she does.
(sorry..that was really rude and totally uncalled for, but I just had to vent).
Okay..your turn.
Re: FFFC thread...I'm adding it early.
I understand the concept of this thread, but what does FFFC mean?
My confession that stems back years that I will not bore you all to death with:
Any who, I guess my big arg for the week was now that we have bought a house, we have many projects to work on. My FIL thought it would be okay to come over with out asking on Tuesday afternoon to work on, well, what ever he pleases. Everything is done at his time and what he wants to do, no matter who around him needs different. So I am home from work with starting my second dose of Cytotec and have some peace to myself, and then he comes over (with out knocking mind you) says, I thought I could work on some stuff over here today, when he saw me in the house and just walked into our kitchen to start shaving down our basement door (and we never asked him to do that, even though it was needed). So he is loud while working on that while I was wishing for peace for a day. After that he worked on something on our garage that I have no idea what it was, and I really don't want to know!
I know he has a kind heart, but this man grew up in small country town USA and doesn't understand the concept of personal living space and asking people if he can do things.
Well, that feels much better, I love these things. You gals are so wonderful!
Dont feel bad, was up with you hon wondering if I will sleep tonight. Hope you can get some Zzz's!
Do we have the same FIL? Mine does knock at least, but he just does whatever he wants to OUR home and complains when we do things he doesn't agree with. WTF?
My confession is that I hate my mother. I have gone through one of the worst things that can happen to a person and she refuses to acknowledge my pain. I guess some would say that she is grieving also and this is her way of doing so, and that I should respect it, but since I am confessing I will say that I prefer to be angry with her right now. I've reached out to her, asked her specifically for help and she turned me down. She also turned my request around on me and made it seem like it was a petty request, tried to make me feel guilty for asking. I guess it hurts so much because she has ALWAYS been there for me in a crisis. She was certainly not always my favorite person, but she's always been around when I needed her and now she's choosing not to be and I don't understand it. So, I'm turning my anger on her fair or not.
My mom drives me bonkers. I had a car accident and lost the baby. Had the D&E the next day. Her kind comforting words were, "I bet you feel lik you've been hit by a car." Um...I was. She called once since the m/c to ask what my son was going to be for Halloween. Since then, nothing. Her birthday was Wednesday and I've tried to call several times and she won't answer or return my call. I'm tired of trying, so I'm just not going to anymore. It's easier than trying to play this silly game that only she knows the rules to.
I would really love for my lady bits to chill the fucck out. I've been bleeding or spotting or some combination there of on and off since the surgery. I don't know what I can count as a period, or what is normal post surgery bleeding. I don't have a fever, I don't have excessive bleeding, I don't have a foul smell or anything that might indicate an issue - so everyone keeps assuring me that it's my body resetting itself. Today is 6wks - I'd like to think I've been completely reset by now. I'm so frustrated because I don't know when we can start moving forward with plans to TTC again. I just need ONE thing to be normal, when everything else isn't. This would be a nice place to start.
I'm still hurt that a few bumpies/nesties whatever you want to call them, that I've known for almost 2 years have not even said one single word to me about my m/c.
Somehow overnight I think I've regressed. I remember posting yesterday about being surprised at how well I seem to be handling things since the m/c. But I cried myself to sleep last night because I just wanted my baby. I feel like I'm on the verge of tears already today. It was 2 weeks ago today that we found out that the baby didn't make it past 8 weeks. :-(
FFFC = Flame Free Friday Confession. Sorry, I should have posted that!!
I lied about having an appt. to get off work early so MIL does not get to watch DS today. She's so sneaky and I feel like she manipulates DH and ignores my rules/schedule when she watches DS. She has also lied to me, and yelled at me in front of my mom, aunt, and friends the night before my wedding.
I have been even more clingy with DS since my loss, and he never seems happy when I pick him up from her, so.......
My confession is that I think I am having a hard time relating to other people who have also had a loss since most people are religious and religion plays a big role in dealing with it. Meanwhile I'm an atheist and just feel like my way of viewing things is so opposite from everyone.
I also have to confess that it makes me angry sometimes to hear how people think that mom's don't have a right to complain because we have something they don't. I feel like it's hypocritical to think someone can't understand what you're going through with having a loss and not acknowledge that maybe there are some really tough parts of being a mom that you truely can't understand until you've been there.
Mom to Teagan 4.11.07 and Cora 9.30.11
D&E @ 22w 9.30.09 CMV infection BFP 10.15.10 C/P 4w4d
I had a dream last night that my pregnant SIL lost her baby. And I wasn't sad (in my dream).
I haven't told anyone about that, because I'm so ashamed.
Baby Boy Smudgie born 10/4/11
<a href="http://s837.photobucket.com/albums/zz298/triple_sevens/?action=view
oh triple......
((((hugs))))
I had a M/C on Nov 6 @ a little over 5 weeks. Me and DH really only told some people about what we have gone through. He went and visited a friend we haven't seen in awhile who has a BEAUTIFUL 10 month daughter. His wife was complaining that we need to have kids soon and stop pushing it off so her daughter could have someone to play with. DH explained to her what has been going on and her response was that she was losing all her friends and that she is all alone....I wanted to scream! First of all I am not ok with calling someone I am not that close too and just telling them...second REALLY you tried to make us feel bad for you?!??! AGGG
Then to make it worse my hairdresser is having her "big" ultrasound the same day I am having my follow up appt. Bad week...
I didn't think I had one, because honestly, I feel like I'm doing better every day. However, this got me irritated.
As I mentioned the other day, my boss is the only person that knows about the m/c. I didn't tell her for any reason other than I felt like since I was going to be out for 3 days, that I should be honest about why.
Today is my 2nd day back. Day 1, she walks into my office and asks 'how ya doin''. I shrug my shoulders, teary-eyed and say 'ok'. She says 'good' and walks out. She hasn't said a word to me since. Like seriously, checking in, when clearly you didn't really want to hear my answer anyway, on day 1 is enough. 3 words is all you have to say over the course of 2 days! Nice!
I wish I'd never told her. I wish I had just said I needed a medical procedure and will be out for a few days without ever expounding. Clearly she doesn't get it, but her fake interest was so miniscule, she might as well have just skipped it.
I would've liked to add a pic below to show my disgust, but I don't know how to add pics to my posts. I mean, I know the tinyurl thing, but I don't know how to do it when I want to take one pic from a page that has 12 on it.
::sighs and ends post::
Missed m/c 11.09 | Missed m/c 3.10 | We miss you & love you so.
~ ~ ~
Formerly toddandjulie
BFP#2 02/18/11 * Beta@15dpo=215 * @18dpo=698 * @20dpo=2337 * @25dpo=10,931 * DS Arrived October 24, 2011
BFP#3 08/12 | D&C 9/12 (no hb)
BFP#4 Due May 1, 2014 Stick baby stick!
I have to agree with the religion part if anything this has actually pulled me a little more away from religion. There are certain things I believe in and a lot of things I don't. I know a lot of people "find god" after something like this, but I have not and i'm not searching out either. I kind of have my own set of belief in things. You aren't alone. And there are def some hard parts to being a mom DS is a few weeks from being two and I have to admit he's an awesome child and I can't complain to much but there are times that I def feel there are the tough parts though.
::gets comfy in my handbasket::
Let me start by saying this is NOT a flame: I have a 7 year old daughter I conceived on the pill and in the past year I've had 3 losses. *I* hate *ME* from 7 years ago.
How's that for insane?
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