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When will I be ready?

triple_sevenstriple_sevens member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

One of my best friends gave birth the day after I learned I had a missed m/c. She called me that night and left a message on my voicemail telling me about her son. I couldn't call her back. It was just too painful.

So I bought a baby gift online and had it sent. And then I e-mailed her and let her know that I had been pregnant, lost the baby, was having a d&c, etc., etc., etc. And that I loved her and was thrilled for her, but I just felt too broken to chat about her baby.

She didn't get the e-mail for several days (understandably, newborn and coming home from the hospital and all that). But when she did, she called me back--on the day of my d&c. She left a message saying how sorry she was, how she understood why I couldn't call her, and how she was there for me and could be there for me despite what's going on in her life. And that I should call her whenever I feel ready.

I was her maid of honor. I threw her baby shower (when I was 3 weeks pregnant and didn't know it). I shared every step of of this pregnancy with her--from when we were both deciding to TTC up until her 40th week, when I secretly knew I was pregnant too. I should share this with her. I WANT to share this with her. And every day I think that maybe today I'll call her. And every day I can't.

So when will I be ready? When will it be okay? Will it ever?

BFP #1 10/17/09: missed m/c at 7 weeks; BFP #2 10/22/10: chemical pregnancy; BFP #3: 1/28/11

Baby Boy Smudgie born 10/4/11

<a href="http://s837.photobucket.com/albums/zz298/triple_sevens/?action=view

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Re: When will I be ready?

  • jsbt2014jsbt2014

    First, I am so sorry for your loss. Everyone is different, so it's hard to say when you will be ready, but I'm sure you will. It's clear that you truly have a special relationship with your friend. Sometimes you just have to let people in, even when you don't think you can. You'd be surprised how strong you can be and how much extra strength a friend can bring to your life. While she may not be able to fully understand what you're feeling, she can certainly lend a caring ear.

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  • jennsadye1979jennsadye1979

    I am very sorry you are going through this.

    It does get better, and it takes time to grieve and start to feel like you can reach out to people again. I called people in stages, because I would bawl and have a hard time talking, but then one you are through that, it's easier the second and third time you speak with them. I know that making that first contact is the worst, but do it, as having support really does make a difference.

    ((Big Hugs))

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  • marisslynmarisslyn
    I still am not ready. I have been communicating with my friends through email though.Everyone is different though with their grieving process. I am so sorry for your loss.
    Baby boy, you are forever loved and missed. 19 weeks 2 days 10/14/09 Partial Molar Pregnancy Lucas Glenn 12/18/10
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  • rjbear21rjbear21 member

    I'm so sorry.  ((hugs))

    It sounds like she is a really great friend the way she is being so understanding.  

    Only you will know when you are ready to let it out.  No time is ever the most ideal for these kinds of things.  Which is why you may find yourself just picking a day and saying,  ok,  might as well get it over with.  And you may find that in the end you will feel better.

    Anyway,  YOU will know when you are ready.  Hang in there.  

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  • BAM_2780BAM_2780
    I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry that you have to see others around you celebrating what you should be celebrating.  It is a horrible thing.  My SIL is pg and due 6 weeks after I was due.  And my BFF called me shortly after my mc to tell me her good news.  Another friend had her DS right after my MC.  And my last close female friend should be calling me anytime to share MORE good news.  It stinks.  But it does get easier as time passes.  I wish you all the comfort in the world.  I'm glad your friend is being so understanding.  Take the time you need for yourself.
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  • JerushaLynJerushaLyn
    I could not answer my phone after my m/c.  I text my cousin who was worried about me earlier that day when I started cramping.  She contacted my mom and sister and told them I would call when I was ready.  They called anyway but I just couldn't answer the phone.  I eventually answered about a week later.  My mom was disappointed that I didn't answer before saying that she was worried about me.  I politely told her that I knew and I appreciated it but this was not about her...it was about me...and that I was not going to talk until I was ready.  The time will come so don't rush it nor apologize for it.
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  • MSC03MSC03 member

    This is still a very, very fresh wound for you--do NOT beat yourself up over it. You will get to the point that you're ready to see her and it may not be as hard as it seems right now--she seems like a very respectful and kind friend.

    ((HUGS))

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