People and their opinions

Re: People and their opinions

• lenabeth

  November 2009

  I guess I get a little blunt sometimes, but I would have said something like, "it's not post-partum, my baby died.  I'm mourning the loss."  I think some people don't understand that we were instant moms and they are our babies.

  Sorry for your loss.  I hope people understand things more and can support you as you need it.
  

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• Mrs.Kristen

  November 2009

  I'm very blunt and have a hard time biting my tongue with people I know and that was pretty much my response a little more then that I explained I wasn't trying to come off mean but made it clear she didn't have a clue.

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• ButterflyMommy2009

  November 2009

  I know exactly what you mean. People who havent been through this horrible experience have absolutly no clue what they are talking about and i have found that out the hard way. I had someone in my family tell me, well it really wasnt a baby, so i dont understand what the problem is. My son was with us for 18wks 2 days, moving, kicking sucking his thumb, all around perfect and this person had to tell me something so stupid, well needless to say i let them have it. I have also had many people say oh thier was something wrong with your baby so it is better this way, your young, you can have more, do sweat it. Again, STUPID people!! So, like i do, in some instances, i have bit my tongue, but here lately i have been putting people in thier proper place b/c i have no room for the stupidity these people are bringing to me, and i make it clear that i acknowledge my son as my son, my child, and if they do not like it well they shouldnt be talking with me anyways. So i completly understand where you are comming from.

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• Mrs.Kristen

  November 2009

  Butterflymommy....your son was your baby i don't care if you are 6 weeks prego or 40 weeks i hate when people do that. I've noticed that some of the people that give those kinds of comments or the ones that say well you can always have more are the ones with kids that don't give a crap about their own kids. Start caring about your own. I've noticed since all of this has happened if someone says something completely dumb or I have an issue with them to begin with i've had quite a hard time biting my tongue. Our family has been great about things but outside of them the comments people make or them voicing their opinion when a) they should think before they speak or type or b) keep their rediculous comments in their own head where I can't hear them. The other thing i've been getting a lot lately is why do you want to go back to trying so quick...oh I dunno we wanted this child we've always wanted more children I'm not replacing my daughter but unless you know how i'm feeling or how i feel like my heart has been beat down then you have no idea why I want what i want.

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• EKG

  November 2009

  I hear you.  I am so tired of hearing "oh, you can always have another".  It was my son and not a freaking pair of jeans.  We love and miss him terribly, and he is not replaceable. 

  The worst thing that was ever said to me was by an insurance rep.  We were trying to get them to cover my D&E (keep in mind here that I was 19.5 weeks, and that my son never developed kidneys - his condition was fatal).  The agent told me to just "put him in an incubator".  I seriously thought my husband was going to strangle her.  Hopefully no one can top that!

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• Mrs.Kristen

  November 2009

  EKG:

  I hear you.  I am so tired of hearing "oh, you can always have another".  It was my son and not a freaking pair of jeans.  We love and miss him terribly, and he is not replaceable. 

  The worst thing that was ever said to me was by an insurance rep.  We were trying to get them to cover my D&E (keep in mind here that I was 19.5 weeks, and that my son never developed kidneys - his condition was fatal).  The agent told me to just "put him in an incubator".  I seriously thought my husband was going to strangle her.  Hopefully no one can top that!

  How incensitive....just WOW....I can't imagine. This is why i have DH make calls like that because i don't deal well with incensitive coments such as that. I'm so sorry you were treated that way none the less by an insurance company your paying for just wow

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• Staribeth

  November 2009

  EKG:

  I hear you.  I am so tired of hearing "oh, you can always have another".  It was my son and not a freaking pair of jeans.  We love and miss him terribly, and he is not replaceable. 

  The worst thing that was ever said to me was by an insurance rep.  We were trying to get them to cover my D&E (keep in mind here that I was 19.5 weeks, and that my son never developed kidneys - his condition was fatal).  The agent told me to just "put him in an incubator".  I seriously thought my husband was going to strangle her.  Hopefully no one can top that!

   

  I cannot believe the agent said that. It makes me sick to my stomach that anyone could be so insensitive. 

  I am sorry we are all going through stupid encounters with people- however I really believe it will make us stronger and better.

  Or we might just lose it that much quicker... 
  

  Three losses in 2009, a miracle in 2010! The Method to My Madness, a PPD blog

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• jsbt2014

  November 2009

  Some people just don't understand that everyone grieves differently. You can't fully grasp what a loss feels like unless you've had one, and even still, everyone is different and we don't all react the same way.
  

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• rjbear21 member

  November 2009

  I'm so sorry.  ((hugs))

  That's the unfortunate thing about our society. Everyone wants to diagnose you and tell you what is wrong with you when all you need is a good old fashioned hard cry.

  Hope it gets better for you.
  

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