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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
F/U appt today...Update...very long...sorry
Well, I had my f/u appt today, it was my 2nd. Last one was the day after I lost my little baby boy, but today I actually we very nervous and didnt want to go to the OB, but was looking forward to having my questions answered and find out what is going on with me.
Well the took my blood for my HCG levels, and today the dr and nurses were very supportive and nice, and it went better than i had expected. Had a full work up done, everything is going good on that end. I also had to have a cath done b/c i told them i thought i might have a UTI and talk about OUCH! That was horrible.
Well, the dr. asked us how we are doing, and we told him we are ok, but as good as we could possibly be a week and a half after losing our little baby boy. Then we asked when we could return to our normal love making, and he said in two weeks. He then hit us with the question, well do you want to be pregnant? I was stunned and shocked, and of course was thinking, well yes you dumb ass, i want to still have my baby boy, but i simply replied with a yes. So he then continued on, and he actually seemed really happy (my OB is a no nonsense, not happy type of guy), and he said that he is happy for us that we still want to expand our family, as well as the nurses saying so, which made us feel pretty good, and hopeful for a good future of a good next pregnancy. Then he said we needed to wait about 3 months (Feb. 2010) before trying again, and we said okay, not a problem, we will practice safe contraseptive forms for now. But the funny thing was the nurse while i was checking out said, well, you can start trying soon if you'd like, she was being sneaky so the Ob wouldnt hear. She said that we wouldnt have to wait. I was really happy with my visit and almost feel guilty for feeling so happy with the visit and that i was excited about the thought of another baby, and talking with them, and just all around feeling hopeful.
Well not too long after that we decided to go to where both our mothers work to get some take out lunch (bob evans) and go home and just spend some time together before my son came home from school. Well, of course everyone where our mothers work knew what had happened and I wasnt looking forward to going, but wanted to be brave and push through that, didnt want to hid any longer. Well we go in, and I am lurking behind my DH the whole time scared if someone said something I would just break. Well, he decided to go out to the car to grab something i think his wallet, and no sooner than he left someone who i guess didnt know we had lost the baby came up to me and said oh i am so glad you are feeling better, and i am glad you are out in about b/clast time i saw you you were in a wheelchair when you went into public. So how far along are you now, when was your son due again, did you start the lamaze classes i recommened. And OMG, I had a total meltdown, ran into the bathroom and just simply lost it. It took a lot from my mother to get me to leave the bathroom. I was horrifided, mortified and crushed all at the same time. Of he didnt know what had happened, but still, and I felt bad for him later b/c i found out he was in the back of the resturaunt crying b/c he felt so bad, but I really didnt want to go there, and I mustered up the courage to finally go, and this is what happened. Well needless to say i lost my appitite, we came home, I put my pjs back on and curled up in a little ball in the bed, and cried myself to sleep and slept for about 3 hours. My poor DH all the while comforting me, and telling me how much he loves me, and everything will be okay, just to relax get some sleep, and he said when you get up me and you are going to go to the park for some good quality time together, just walking and enjoying the weather. Which we did, and it was nice.
So today has been a roller coaster, i guess we have to take the good with the bad. Oh and not to mention the young (yes i mean very young) girl who rang me out and kmart this evening was about 8+ months pregnant, and I thought why the hell her and not me. Its just not fair! I wanted to scream what do you have that i dont. Again, roller coaster!
Sorry this was sooooooo long, just wanted to share all with you wonderful women who have been so supportive and I feel this is the only place i can share and not be judged.
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Re: F/U appt today...Update...very long...sorry
So many hugs for you right now. It is hard to go out, I agree, and see all the people who either A. think you are still preg. or B. are preg and you wish it was you.
I know I'm not a doctor, but I would say wait one cycle before trying again (maybe think about your dr.'s thoughts to, but you can always deny care and recommendations from your dr!) I am happy for you that your work up came out good, except for the cath Owie!!!
I hope you can find some time with your DH that is not near where it would bother you. I like going to the bars, b/c the chances of seeing prego people are slim. Maybe get a babysitter and just let loose, when you're ready of course.
Sorry your day was a roller coaster, but sounds like you wore your seatbelt nice and tight! HUGS again!
OMG I can't imagine going through that restaurant incident. You poor thing. I'm so sorry.
Good to hear at least things are going fine for you physically though.
It will take time. Seems like a bad day all around. I'm also having a roller coaster day.
((hugs)) Hang in there.