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People are so stupid

christykellchristykell
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Hubs let some our friends know about our loss yesterday morning through text message. My husband said not to call and that he would call them sometime over the weekend. The friend said how sorry he and his wife were and that was that.

Well last night at 7:30 we had just finished eating dinner and our doorbell rang. Guess who it was? The same friends that husband had told not to call, and the best part? The wife is five months pregnant. 

I know they were trying to be nice by stopping by with flowers and a card but seriously it was a major setback for me. I was have a somewhat nice time with the hubs just laughing on the couch at bad tv and then after these stupid idiots came I spent the next half hour crying my eyes out. 

I seriously hate people sometimes.

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Re: People are so stupid

  • Scout05Scout05 member

    I don't know why people cannot just listen to and honor others' wishes through the grieving process. My therapist (who I just started seeing) really thinks it is because we do not teach people how to be empathetic. In our cuture, we just want to "fix it" and make people "feel better."

    I am really sorry. Their intention was nice, but they should have just mailed it, especially if she is pregnant. Of course that is impossible to handle right now.

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  • docmay25docmay25 member

    Oh, I am so, so sorry.  People do not think.  I learned that after my son was stillborn.  I had to listen to many dumb comments. 

    Your friends were not thinking and very insensitive.  i am sorry that you had to pay the price for their stupidity.

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  • triple_sevenstriple_sevens member

    Oh no, CKell! I missed your announcement of your loss. I remember your posts from GP. I am so, so sorry that you are here. This just sucks so much, everything about it.

    I think so much unintentional pain would be prevented if people learned to be more comfortable with sadness. I've had several close friends lose their mothers and I NEVER tried to "comfort" them. Because what could I say? Their mothers were gone and they were never coming back. I just cried with them and told them that I loved them and was there for whatever they needed. And then I listened to what they felt like sharing.

    Now going through this miscarriage, I've realized there are people who can just be sad with you and people who need to try to "talk" you better. But I'm trying really hard to accept the kindness of people's intentions, even when their actions fall short of the mark. (And it's not any easy thing to do).

    BFP #1 10/17/09: missed m/c at 7 weeks; BFP #2 10/22/10: chemical pregnancy; BFP #3: 1/28/11

    Baby Boy Smudgie born 10/4/11

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  • jennsadye1979jennsadye1979

    Urgh. I am so sorry. I know it sucks, because they mean well, and in their heads, they think they are doing something really nice.

    Next time, don't answer the door :)

    Or put up a sign, "No Unsolicited Friends or Junk Mail Please"

     

     

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  • marisslynmarisslyn
    I think people are just clueless and unless they have experienced a loss they just do not get. I am so sorry you had to deal with this.
    Baby boy, you are forever loved and missed. 19 weeks 2 days 10/14/09 Partial Molar Pregnancy Lucas Glenn 12/18/10
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  • ButterflyMommy2009ButterflyMommy2009
    I am so sorry you had to go through this. I had almost the same thing happen to me the day after i lost my son, MIL comming over unannounced, and yes, while that is the MIL, when i say no company it is not what i need right now, that is what i ment. I am so sorry.
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  • rjbear21rjbear21 member
    imageambrandau2:

    I don't know why people cannot just listen to and honor others' wishes through the grieving process. My therapist (who I just started seeing) really thinks it is because we do not teach people how to be empathetic. In our cuture, we just want to "fix it" and make people "feel better."

    I am really sorry. Their intention was nice, but they should have just mailed it, especially if she is pregnant. Of course that is impossible to handle right now.

    My thoughts exactly.  I know people really try hard and think they are being thoughtful with something like they did,  but in the end,  like you said,  it makes you go backwards. 

    So sorry for your loss.  ((hugs))  Hang in there.

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