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Sad/mad/bitter

iggy.diggy.d member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Tuesday, I went in for an ultrasound and learned my baby's heart had stopped. We were just about ten weeks along. They also saw a 6" cyst that the doctors are concerned about. By then end of the day I knew I had lost my baby, and had a laparotomy and d and c scheduled for one week later.

Today was my pre-operative screening appointment. I was scared, nervous, on the verge of tears. I've also started to miscarry, and am crampy and bleeding. That's when I saw her...a lady, about my age, same height, similar hairstyle, same clothing style, and about the same body shape as me...only with the cutest baby bump. She must be about 6 months along. She was so happy, all smiles. I was sitting in the waiting room for almost 30 minutes, sitting almost directly across from her, staring, wishing it was me. Thinking that WOULD have been me. Should have been me. I can't understand why, what force, what power, what anything would be me in that situation today. It was so hard. So sad. I just want to stay home, stay inside, and hide.

BFP#1 10/5/09 | Heartbeat 11/1/09 | D&C 11/24/09 (no hb)
BFP#2 02/18/11 * Beta@15dpo=215 * @18dpo=698 * @20dpo=2337 * @25dpo=10,931 * DS Arrived October 24, 2011
BFP#3 08/12 | D&C 9/12 (no hb)
BFP#4 Due May 1, 2014 Stick baby stick!
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Re: Sad/mad/bitter

  • docmay25docmay25 member

    I am so sorry.  That was me about a month ago.  I had found out from the hospital radiology that my babies heart had stopped and then got sent upstairs to my OB to discuss what to do.  I was left sitting in the OB waiting room surrounded by pregnant women waiting for their appointments and those coming out with ultrasound pictures.  It made it so much worse. 

    Take care of yourself, my thoughts are with you at this very difficult time.

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  • Temp950106187509203Temp950106187509203 member

    {{hugs}}  Sorry you had to deal with that.

    I am DREADING my f/u appt. for the same reason.  The waiting room is never empty, and on top of the presence of cute women like you described, there is almost always at least one pg teenager because my MW shares a building with a crisis pregnancy center.  It's just not fair that we have to go through the loss and then be smacked upside the head with happy families and/or people who should never have gotten pg in the first place.

    Take care of yourself. 

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  • MauidAimsMauidAims
    I'm so sorry. :HUGS:Right Hug
    DS- 4 years old, Natural m/c @ 7 weeks-12/1/09. Infertility issues- low ovarian reserve- low AMH and high FSH. Looking into adoption. Trying to figure out where to go with your little one? My favorite website is: Trekaroo AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
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  • iggy.diggy.d member
    Hugs back. I don't know what I'd do if i didn't have this board to vent to. :-(
    BFP#1 10/5/09 | Heartbeat 11/1/09 | D&C 11/24/09 (no hb)
    BFP#2 02/18/11 * Beta@15dpo=215 * @18dpo=698 * @20dpo=2337 * @25dpo=10,931 * DS Arrived October 24, 2011
    BFP#3 08/12 | D&C 9/12 (no hb)
    BFP#4 Due May 1, 2014 Stick baby stick!
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  • triple_sevenstriple_sevens member
    I'm so sorry for your pain. I thank God that my gyno doesn't deliver, so I never have to see visibly pregnant women in her waiting room. Small blessings.
    BFP #1 10/17/09: missed m/c at 7 weeks; BFP #2 10/22/10: chemical pregnancy; BFP #3: 1/28/11

    Baby Boy Smudgie born 10/4/11

    <a href="http://s837.photobucket.com/albums/zz298/triple_sevens/?action=view

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