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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
SeaMama
member
Sad about my parents' reactions WWYD? (Looooong)
SeaMama
member
I have written on other boards about my mother (she was the one who insisted on coming to town a full month before baby was born, then changed her mind, then wasn't coming at all, then showed up on my due date...). Anyway, she insisted on coming to town "in case something happens, you need your mother!". Well, she showed up on my due date and I didn't go into labor. I was induced at 42 weeks, stayed in the hospital for 3 nights due to an unplanned C-Section after 34 hours of labor and DH had to return to work on Monday (we went home Friday). My mom LEFT TOWN Saturday morning! Um...hello!? "Something happened" and you left town? The day after I go home? So, I was home alone the first 2 days DH was back at work until HIS MOTHER flew out from across the country to help me. Seriously.
Strangely though - my dad's whole drama that came w/ baby's arrival is making me more sad. My mom has always been selfish and crazy and we've had a very strained relationship. My dad and I have always been very close (they divorced when I was a kid and I lived w/ my dad). Well, my dad came to the hospital the afternoon DS was born and then when I hadn't heard from him by the following evening I gave him a call and could tell immediately something was wrong. He didn't want to talk about it, but I knew he was upset so I asked him to just tell me - he proceeded to YELL at me for the way I "handled him" during my labor. He kept saying "you managed the JOY right out of this whole thing for me" and how his feelings were hurt and he was angry at me. WTF???? Apparently he felt I was too "controlling" throughout the process. I have NO idea how this is possible, as I didn't tell him he could/couldn't wait at the hospital or anything. I am almost positive he is pissed off because DH and I weren't responding to text messages or answering the phone while I was in labor. Um...hello!? We were flipping BUSY. Who the hell expects people having a baby (and it wasn't going easily btw) to answer the damn phone?
Sorry this is so long - but I'm so saddened by my parents. They seem increadibly selfish to me - making my birth experience all about them, what they wanted and how they felt about how it should have gone, etc. I haven't talked to either of them about how their reactions made me feel - I'm too sad about it and don't know what to even begin to say to them. I don't think they will listen or get my side of it anyway. I haven't seen my dad in a week (my baby is only 2 weeks old) and I know he noticed I'm not around as we usually see each other a couple times a week. I'm inclined to just ignore it and focus on my own family at this point. I'm so tired of dealing w/ my parents' dysfunctional crap. I've had to referee their interactions over the last 17 years and I'm tired of it. That's why I ignored them during my labor - I wanted this huge event in my life FOR ONCE to not be dominated by my stupid divorced parents who can't be in a room together. Nice try. They made sure they were still the focus of the whole thing.
Ugh. Thanks for "listening" I just really had to get this off my chest. They are both trying to make me feel like I did something wrong and for once refuse to take all the blame for how they feel.
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Re: Sad about my parents' reactions WWYD? (Looooong)
If there is ever a time in your life when it is 100% OK to be "selfish" and "controlling" it is when you are in labor. If anybody doesn't like it, too bad.
I'm sorry your parents are being so crappy to you. I think you have the right idea, though. Just focus on your new family and try to not let them put a damper on your joy.