Mixed feelings

lilmufish · November 2009

This is a oh woe me post...I just need to vent.

I hear stories, after stories about FPs getting placements right after they were licenced....and we didn't. Kind of a let down. So we've waited, waited for that call...and nothing. Part of me is grateful that maybe, there aren't alot of children in needs of homes? And then...I see on tv, newspapers and online that our state is in "dire" need of foster and foster to adoptive parents. And I wonder, if that propaganda campaign. Deep down, I know they are looking for homes for TEENS, and not elementary school/younger kids but still, why don't they just say that then?

I've been licensed for a month now, can accept sibling groups...We were told over and over the fact that we would accept 2-3 kids in sibling group would mean that our house would rarely be open...because they are always desperate for homes for sibling groups. And yet...nothing.

Wondering if we did something wrong or if maybe the state really doesn't think us upper 20s, both professionals, new parents aren't good enough I know that's not true...but I wonder sometimes, where all these kids are that need homes?

PrincessShay80 · November 2009

Im really sorry that you feel like this. I think it's only natural to feel like time is standing still when you are in this situation. Have you tired asking your SW to maybe help put your mind at ease?

lilmufish · November 2009

I did, and I felt a little better. She told us they only get 1-2 calls a week and (all calls split between agencies in metro area) and they fill homes in their respective agency first and then seek out other agency homes if they need to place a kiddo. She said our agency has only gotten a few calls this month. She said it's a good thing our home is empty, that means kids aren't coming into care.

But I wonder why they're doing a big push for homes...if they don't need them.

We were hoping this could be a way to add to our family and a way to give back to the community....

mccojr02 · November 2009

A friend of mine went through the same process, and she told me how she waited, and waited, and waited, despite all those ad campaigns for foster homes. She's since adopted two daughters (she has two biological sons), but she couldn't tell me what the hold up was, either.I hope things are going better for you, now!

Capricornbaby80 · November 2009

lilmufish:
But I wonder why they're doing a big push for homes...if they don't need them.

I am sorry that you are feeling a little down. I totally understand how you feel. Just last week I was saying to a friend of mine that the people from the CCB here are always on t.v. and in the newspaper pleading for Foster and Adoptive parents and it all seems like they are a bit hypocritical to me.

I hope that you get a placement or a couple of placements before Christmas. Wouldn't that be exciting. Hang in there hun, I am here rooting for you and I pray that something works out for you very soon.

melpfaff · November 2009

I am a social worker in child protection, and I say just wait. It seems to come in waves. I do not think it is because you are "not good enough" or they wouldn't have approved you. It might just have happened where there isn't a need right now in your town for the gender/age group you are looking for. I'm sure there will be a time there will. The ads definitely aren't propoganda. Good for you and your family for agreeing to be foster parents, we need every good onewe can get.

ctbride08 · November 2009

i feel your pain.

although we did turn down that one call, i'm so shocked that we haven't gotten others. Of course I know its a blessing that there arent that many kids that need care right now, but after the loooong licensing period, i never expected the wait for placement to also require so much patience. I've also succumb to some irrational thoughts... "they dont like us!" "we're blacklisted now that we've said no!" "They must have our preferences incorrect!"

::sigh:: these children will be so wanted, and so so loved.

GulfCoaster · November 2009

lilmufish:

I did, and I felt a little better. She told us they only get 1-2 calls a week and (all calls split between agencies in metro area) and they fill homes in their respective agency first and then seek out other agency homes if they need to place a kiddo. She said our agency has only gotten a few calls this month. She said it's a good thing our home is empty, that means kids aren't coming into care.

But I wonder why they're doing a big push for homes...if they don't need them.

We were hoping this could be a way to add to our family and a way to give back to the community....

Well, as you said, they probably need homes for teenagers, or they need specially trained FPs for certain medical needs, or they need homes in certain areas of the state (in my home state in the Midwest, there are hardly any FPs in rural areas, which poses a big problem when kids come into care from those areas). I don't think it's just propaganda. I think PPs have given some good advice about talking to your SW, talking to licensing/placement, etc.

All I can say, from my previous experience working with the system, is that these things come in waves. Sometimes we would get no cases for a month, and then all of a sudden we'd get 10 in a single weekend. And when you do get those 10 in a single weekend, it is really good to have empty foster homes to choose from. (I.e. not just "oh, there's only one family open to sibling groups right now, so I guess that's where they're going," but "there are a couple families with openings, which one is the best one for these children?")

And like you said, if no FPs are getting placement calls, that means kids aren't coming into care -- which, while frustrating for the FPs, can be a very good thing for the kids.

Try to stay patient, and good luck!

CaptainSerious · November 2009

I'm sorry, Lil. I can understand your frustration and let-down. I hope you are able to help out sooner rather than later, and that your efforts lead to a better situation for all involved. I know how isolating it can feel when you think it's all for nothing.

INgirlinDenver · November 2009

((HUGS)) Trust me, I completely understand where you are. Even though we've had calls none of them worked..even the ones we said yes too. It's been over a month since our last call. I remember when I was a caseworker we were always looking for adoptive homes and had a shortage of good foster to adopt homes. All I can keep saying to myself as well as you, is that the right call will come when you least expect it and even though the state is desperate for homes, God has his plan. Your blog said it best.

I know it's still frustrating and the wait is hard. I am for sure you did nothing wrong and I bet the cw can't wait to have a placement for you, you and your hubby are the perfect type of home!

Lesley0228 · November 2009

melpfaff:
I am a social worker in child protection, and I say just wait. It seems to come in waves.

Up until last year I was also a CPS adoption worker and agree with this 100%. This was exactly what I was planning to post. Just be patient, it will happen. The more open you are to race, gender, special needs always helps. Stay in constant contact with your worker so they have you in mind when a placement is needed.

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