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2nd Trimester
DH will not let it go
DH wants to go on a 1 week fishing trip to Alaska w/ his uncle next July (EDD is April). I don't really mind him being gone, but I'm not so sure it's the right time for such a big expense. I've told him repeatedly that we don't have the money right now, but he will not let it go! Truthfully, we could come up w/ the money if we had to, but I feel like it's more important to put it towards savings & paying off debt. He keeps telling me that life is about experiences & we will always have debt to pay off but this trip opportunity might not come up again for him. And while I agree that we should enjoy life's experiences because if we died tomorrow paying off debt wouldn't have gained us anything, I also don't want to put debt off so much that it gets in the way for future things we want to do. DH also bought a motorcycle this year (HUGE expense) & new hunting gear, so it's not like I never let him spend money on fun stuff he wants. He hasn't been overly obnoxious about it or anything, but I know he's going to keep bringing it up again & again trying to get me to cave. I don't know that there's really any advice to be given, I just needed to vent a little.
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Re: DH will not let it go
This is just the way I think but...
If you dont get rid of your debt it could ruin your life experiences. There are priorities in life, unfortunately.
Our only debt is our mortgage and student loans and we have no intention of getting any more just to have life experiences. I'd rather have fun with the money we do have instead of stressing about using money we dont.
Wow, you husband sounds shockingly like mine! I feel your pain! Mine is obsessed with hunting and all the toys that go with it and hockey and he uses the same 'life experiences' excuse! Good luck with him! I have no advice as I haven't quite figured out how to handle mine yet! : )
Ditto this. Tell him he can go next year if you guys get the debt paid off that you want to. Or can he go fishing for a couple days instead of a week or go somewhere more local to you guys? I understand why you are frustrated.
You are going to feel so silly when Alaska sinks and all the fish leave.
I think he is not thinking long term.
It's a no brainer to hurry and pay off debt or steadily pay off debt than to keep putting it off. Then ALL that money you have been using to pay off debt will be yours. Once everything is paid off then you can add more money to how much you already save for, retirement, college education and vacations.
Can you convince him to take a money/finance class or even just watching the Suze Orman show one time might get him thinking that his priorities are now about his family. Suze Orman is a hoot! she is soooo mean when people call into her show and ask if they can buy something or take a trip and they don't have the money for it. She ALWAYS ask to see the money first. She wants to know how much you bring in, what are all your bills i.e. mortgage, student loans, car payments and cc debt. Then she want to know how much you have in savings or emergency fund, retirement etc.Then, she tells you if you can or can not spend the money.
Is there anyway he can go somewhere closer like in the lower 48 states? I mean it would be a huge savings alone in plane ticket prices. Colorado has some great fishing btw.
This is brilliant... You cant have everything...you have to compromise...i would totally use this!!!
I agree with a pp who said that debt can ruin your life experiences, and soon, the life experiences of your LO. I think alot of people love the idea of having kids but don't realize exactly how much that little baby is going to impact the rest of their lives. Things like fishing trips take a back seat to family/baby stuff.
It is probably too late at this point for this particular trip, but have you considered dividing up your budget and giving him "fun" money? Money for him to spend on whatever he wants - you should also get some, btw. Anyway, then when he wants to do something like take a trip, he can save his budgeted fun money for it and make the decision that way. No fun $$, no trip, and you arent the bad guy. This is of course after you account for all of your bills and expenses and an agreed upon amount to pay towards debt every month. The key is you decide together what you will each get for personal spending so it's not you telling him he can't go, it is him making the decision.
Two things come to mind here: First: Not to bring up anything scary but LO will only be 3mo in July. What if there is some reason you need him there? (a problem with you or LO, an illness, etc...) Will he be able to refund his tickets. Or if there's an emergency while he's gone; Alaska is really really far away. It's not like he could hurry back home.
Second: Could you put it in perspective? Assuming the trip will cost a grand. Maybe show him how much a $1000 trip to Alaska would have become in 18 years if you put it in a high interest CD for college. Or show him the difference between a $150/week daycare and a $250/week one.
I agree that experiences are more valuable than material things. But thats comparing a trip (or other experience) to buying a designer hand bag.
It doesn't work in this case. You already have debt to pay off. Trips and other fun things shouldn't come before that.
You should tell him, if Suze Orman approves us then you can go. She will never if you have debt like you say you do. Her show airs on Saturdays 6PM EST on CNBC. Check it out.
Ditto. I am a huge fan of fishing (we spend a week in northern Ontario every year) but if it's going to be a financial setback, he can find a way to offset the cost. Selling stuff, or getting a PT job (working retail before X-mas maybe) would help balance it out.
How do you feel about him leaving you with a 3 month old LO though? That's the part I would have a problem with.
My husband also has an expensive hobby: amateur relic hunting. Basically, it's metal detecting for Civil War stuff in the US and older stuff in England. He's been going to England one week a year for the past 3 years and it's not cheap. That said, he's figured out a way to make money doing his hobby. This year he's a guide and the past two times he went for half price. Not that you can immediately become a hunting or fishing guide, but maybe in the future he can figure out a side job (something he does a few times throughout the year) that makes him a little fund to take these special trips with so he and you can both feel like it's not impacting your savings or debt. DH is actually breaking even on the England trip this year and may make a couple hundred next year. It's rare, but there are ways to make extra cash for these types of experiences.
Also, this may sound preachy, but what tends to work in our household is that we don't tell each other what we can and can't do (not that this is exactly what y'all do either). I just know that many of DH's friends have wives who bargain with them. Like, if you get to do this, I get to do that. Instead, I try to pretty much support everything and voice concerns if I think they exist, and then he ends up appreciate my support so much he spoils me with something he knows I'd like us to do without me having to beg for it. Sorry if this comes off the wrong way. In no way do I mean to insinuate that you bargain. Just wanted to let you know what works for me.
DH and I don't tell each other what to do, either. But if he ever insisted on spending money we didn't have you better believe I wouldn't just "let" him do that. Luckily he's not like that, but I don't think its as simple as just supporting everything your spouse does if they are doing things that are bad for the family as a whole.
I agree with this.
I agree with this.
If his new motor cycle is not his only mode of transportation then I would use this angle and have him sell the bike to go on the trip.
Maybe he has a thing for Sarah Palin and wants to see Russia with her? I'm just kidding, just trying to lighten the mood!
I don't have anything against Palin!
I agree that it will still be there later, good luck!