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Not fair. (vent and pity party)

iggy.diggy.d member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I'm feeling bitter. I just found out on Tuesday that my baby didn't make it. I'm waiting to see if I'll m/c naturally or have the d/c Tuesday (along with a laparotomy to remove a great big cyst.) I went from super happy and excited on Tuesday to sad and prepping for 4 weeks of recovery. 

I got home that day and was on Facebook and there was a post from a friend, due a week after I would have been. Her happy post was how she had just got back from hearing her baby's hb and she can't stop crying tears of joy. I kept thinking that while I was getting horrible news that my baby died she was hearing her baby loud and clear. I wanted that to be me. It just didn't seem fair that at that moment, on that day, I had to read that on fb. I've hidden her from view for now.

To top it all off, my step brother and wife are also pregnant, and due just a few days before I was. I'm happy for them, but jealous. I can't help it. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to hear about it. I want to avoid it. I also know it's killing my dad. His wife is so happy to be expecting her first grandbaby. My dad just lost his. I feel like somehow it's my fault.

I'm bleeding and cramping a bit but still at work. I never told anyone here I was pg or that I lost my baby so I have no excuse to be out, and I need to prepare everything for the weeks I'll be out. Everyone is buzzing around me with questions about how to do this or that, and I just want to be left alone. I'm being grouchy and snippy even though I know it isn't fair to them. They don't know what I am going through.    

It's a hard day. 

BFP#1 10/5/09 | Heartbeat 11/1/09 | D&C 11/24/09 (no hb)
BFP#2 02/18/11 * Beta@15dpo=215 * @18dpo=698 * @20dpo=2337 * @25dpo=10,931 * DS Arrived October 24, 2011
BFP#3 08/12 | D&C 9/12 (no hb)
BFP#4 Due May 1, 2014 Stick baby stick!
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Re: Not fair. (vent and pity party)

  • rjbear21rjbear21 member

    ((hugs))  I'm so sorry. 

    I know how you are feeling.  My bro and SIL are expecting also.  They announced right away and she was due almost 2 weeks after me.  We were waiting to tell.  I was 13 weeks when we found out that the baby didn't make it past 8 weeks.  So they found out I was pregnant and m/c'd all on the same day via my mom.  I'm happy for them but bitter as well.  It's hard hearing about other people in your family going through it happily when all you want is your baby. 

    I know it's like the last thing that we want to hear but time will heal.   If things get really hard to deal with seek out a grief counselor. 

    Hang in there.  ((hugs))

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  • KtB0605KtB0605
    I'm so sorry for your loss...I totally understand how you're feeling. It feels like every time I log onto fb I see a new person announcing they're pregnant. I feel bad-but I hide their posts, too. There is a person I am "friends" with on fb, but not really close friends with IRL-she is about 35 weeks pregnant and I can't help thinking (I know it's mean) that I deserve a baby MORE...I know that's horrible to think, but I am just so jealous. I'm so sorry you're having a hard day...feel free to vent more here. I know it helps me to talk on this board. I'll be thinking about you today-I hope you have a better day at work, and are able to relax a bit when you get home. {{hugs}}
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  • SonadoraSonadora member

    I'm sorry.

     I hope your cws leave you alone a bit.

    BFP #1 9/23/09. Missed MC 10w3d D&C 11/3/09.

    BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10

    BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15


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