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I just need to vent/ get some thoughts and paryers
okay. this is long. so beware.
we are a blended family, dh's sons come to our house tuesday through thursday. which is great and we fought VERY hard to get this time. And I have my kids all throught the week as well. my daughter(3) and his son (4) share a bedroom. a week or two ago my daughter asked if she could have her own room, because the 4y/o wouldn't let her sleep, we kept trying to kiss her and he was licking my mouth ( she said ) well I basically chalked it up as weird, and tried to find a way to bring it up nicely to dh ( his sons dont like me very much 
)
well last night, i went to check on them because 4 y/o was wispering. he had my daughter pinned down and he had his pants down. I didnt even know what to do.
we talked to the 4 y/o about where he learned that and he didn't want to say. he ended up telling us that an older boy at his mom's house did this to him. SO we pulled aside the 8y/o boy and asked him if he knew anything. he said no by the time the older boy got home, he was already asleep. but he let us know that the 4 y/o wasnt the only one it was happening to, that it was him too. he wouldn't tell exactly what, but he said he would talk to a counceler, and they could tell his dad, but he was just to embarrased to look him in the face and tell him himself.
we called cps, and a ton of other places, and basically we have been told there is nothing we can do. the older boy is almost 13, but since he is not 13 yet, its considered "sexual experimentation" even if it is unwanted on the other kids part. im sorry but a 13y/o forcing themself on a 4 y/o is NOT experimentation! we have reason to believe that this has been going on for 2 years...two years! and we called their mom to talk baout it, and she denied it, said it was our fault, that we told the boys to say that. why on earth would you want to argue about this instead of try and make sure that it doesn't happen again.
we told the boys that they would NOT be going back to that house, and even if it meant that DH and I would get into trouble for not following court orders, It would not happen to them again. you should have seen the look of releif on the 8 y/os face. all he cared about at that house was his games, he wanted to make sure he got his games. he didnt even care if he saw his mom again...ever. it was that bad for him over there.
honistly we are at a loss as to what to do now. thoughts and prayers would be appreciated.
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Re: I just need to vent/ get some thoughts and paryers
This is BULL$HIT. It's not experimentation...it's abuse.
I AM SO SORRY for all of you. This is going to be so hard. Everyone needs counseling. Especially those boys. They have been abused and THANK GOD they have you and your dh to stand up for them.
Did you call the police?
Oh my word! Those poor boys. They have been so brave to talk to you and your DH about this. My eyes are full of tears thinking of what they have been dealing with all this time. All I know is that you are doing the right thing to keep them away from that house. Counseling sounds like a good place to start. That would also provide documentation for any court issues you may face.
You and your family are definitely in my prayers. (((HUGS)))
yes we did. we are wating to hear back from them. they said they had some more information for us. but our best bet was to bring it up in mediation...on the 24th...ya, they will not be going back until he have an order saying he HAVE to ...oh ya and they pry them out of our hands.
Oh my god honey I am so sorry and I am so so sorry for your children. I'm in tears here. What you were told is not true as far as I've seen on other sites. He may be 13 but there are things that can be done not prison or anything obviously but the idea that the situation would just be ignored (especially in a shared custody situation) is complete garbage. I wish I knew more specifically and I will try to put my feelers out on another site that I frequent where I know I have seen a couple of people deal with similar problems and see if I can get any better information for you.
Now this might be hard buuut - I think you need to move your dd out of the room with your 4yo ds. He's going to need counseling and I think that it would be dangerous to leave the two of them alone in the room like that until you can get a better handle on the situation and get him some help. I agree that you need to protect these boys but if they've been going through this for the amount of time that it seems like they have been, then they are going to need some help and you need to make sure that your other children are protected while they are receiving that help. That might sound cruel but it's an unforunate fact when it comes to cases like these and I'm sure you don't want the cycle to continue within the rest of your family.
I'm so sorry and I wish there was more that I could do then to say that and if I can get you further information on what you can do legally, I will be sure to let you know. Huge (((hugs))) to you and your family right now.
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lol - true. but if she knows what happened hopefully she'll feel bad enough to help make it an easier transition for everyone.
*huuuuuge hugs* to you. i hope you're able to find an avenue of recourse that allows all those children to receive the help they need to heal from this. and i have the chills thinking 'what if you hadn't gone into the room' - ugh. it's so sad. good for you for standing up for the health and welfare of your children. i'm so sorry your family is going through this..
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I would contact your attorney (I assume you have one from the custody fight?) and see what he/she can do.
That's what I was thinking too.
My heart breaks for all of the children. I hate that this is happening.
I am soo, soo sorry
This is an awful situation--- one that no one ever deserves to be in. I hope you all find some resolution and peace soon, and that all the children can feel and BE safe in every way.
Custody things, especially those involving abuse, are so hard
DH has a friend who married a woman with twin 4-year-olds (I think they're 4... maybe 3?), a boy & girl. Apparently her ex likes the boy but not the girl and is mean to her and tells her awful things. So when it's time to go with her biological father she gets nervous and won't eat for a few days prior, etc. Very sad 
This was my train of thought, too.
OP, I am so sorry this is happening- I am praying for you and DH and your family as you guys head into what is undoubtably going to be a tough time (though for the best, hopefully). I'm glad you guys are aware this is happening- who knows what would have continued to happen if you didn't know!
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Who is the 13yo and why doesn't the mom believe your stepsons?
I can't imagine what your family will have to go through to get this sorted out, but my t&p will be with you.
Good for your DD for telling you what was going on at night, and good for you for following your instincts. The boys are really brave too, to be able to talk about what has happened.
It happens a lot. Denial. It can't be happening to them so it's easier to deny it.
I am so sorry this has happened. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you sort this out. You are doing what is right for these boys.
Family friends took in their SIL and 12 year old nephew to get him out of a bad environment and they found him molesting two of their grandchildren. He is now in a juvenile facility. The saddest part is that this was certainly done to him. It makes me sick.
I hope for the best for your family. Good luck in the days ahead.
I wish I knew something that would help. I just want to say that I am *so* sorry and my thoughts are with you and your precious children.
(((hugs)))
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It is so sad and scary how some parents can live so firmly in denial about abusive situations with children. This clearly involves many children and goes far along up the chain. I am sorry to hear that you are not being supported by CPS.
At this point it seems that all you can do is be supportive of the boys and give them an open ear to talk to, this must be so scary for them. Props to you for providing your daughter with an open ear and she clearly responded well. I would also contact the schools they go to in case a counselor is available. Also, educating the boys on appropriate touching and boundaries might be helpful. If they don't know the swimsuit rule it is easy for kids to understand - anything that is covered by a swimsuit should not be touched by anyone else.
Good luck and hang in there