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Feeling down about LO (semi-long)...

Jessie0706Jessie0706
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has felt this way (or feels this way) about their LO... I don't need flames right now, as really this is one of the only places I can let feelings like this go.

I don't feel like I have truly bonded with Aubriana yet. And I feel like it is because all she does is fuss and cry when awake (okay, we'll have maybe 20 min of peaceful looking around, but she never seems to keep eye contact with me or interested in my attempts to play or read to her). I dread night time because this is usually when she puts on hours-long tiraids for no reason. We've been to the doctor and they didn't find anything wrong with her. She's often freshly changed, fed, and clothed during these periods. 

I am sure my fatigue is adding to these feelings of frustration, but it is hard for me to nap when she is during the day because Aubriana tends to wake up periodically and needs another 10-20 min to be rocked/calmed from her pure screaming state before falling back asleep. We thought it was gas stuff and are currently trying gas relief, formula (Enfamil) for fussiness/gas, and gripe water, but nothing seems to be spectacularly working right now.

I feel like a horrible mother because all I want her to do is sleep to avoid the screaming and seeming lack of interest in interaction with me... It almost hurts because I'm the only one home with her most days - - and I seem to make her fussiness worse! 

Everyone tells me that around 3 months things will get better, but how do I get through the next 2 months without losing it? DH helps me when he can, but he is often working or taking care of the dogs, as I take care of baby. He also gets flustered with baby and feels some of the same as I do (but I don't think as severe, as he's not exposed to it as long as I am?). I want to make it clear I have not had any thoughts of harming my baby. I am able to set her down and walk away for a moment to calm down before my frustration escalates to such a level!

I don't know exactly what 'advice' I'm looking for on here... Maybe just some reassurance that I'm not a horrible mother/person for being so frustrated with my baby that I can't wait to get out of this "0-3" period and onto something more...calm.

Thanks for reading...

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Re: Feeling down about LO (semi-long)...

  • howa0155howa0155 member

    You are tired, frustrated and probably a little sad that this part of your LO's life isn't as you imagined it would be.  This will get better.  You are NOT horrible.

    My LO is fussy too, and FWIW, soy formula has helped his gassiness, a lot.  Hang in there!  PM me if you need to vent/talk.

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  • chefs_babychefs_baby member
    I have felt the same way. You are not alone. As much as I hate to say this, it will get better. I didn't believe anyone when they told me that, but guess what? They were right. We are nearing the 3 month mark and it has gotten a lot better. He started STTN 3-4x per week (all on his own), he is getting more interactive, and the screaming has gotten a lot better. I will tell you it hasn't stopped and I still feel at the end of my rope sometimes, but it has gotten SO much better. Page me anytime you need to talk or PM me, I have been in your shoes and I understand!
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  • hmarsanohmarsano

    You aren't a horrible person.  However, going into parenthood, you should be prepared for ANYTHING, including a child who crys a lot. 

    I had this happen to us as well, and it lasted from about week 3 to week 5.  It was a trying time, but we got through it.  You just have to live in the moment and cherish the time you have to spend with your LO, whether they are fussy or calm.  As far as LO not seeming interested in you playing, she is still very young.  Their attention spans are not long at all this young, so changing activities frequently is necessary.

    I know you keep hearing this from everyone, and it gets annoying, but it DOES get better!

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  • Jessie0706Jessie0706
    imagehowa0155:

    You are tired, frustrated and probably a little sad that this part of your LO's life isn't as you imagined it would be.  This will get better.  You are NOT horrible.

    My LO is fussy too, and FWIW, soy formula has helped his gassiness, a lot.  Hang in there!  PM me if you need to vent/talk.

    Sent you a PM!

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  • BeaverBeliever12BeaverBeliever12

    I'm sorry you are having such a rough time.  I didn't bond with DD right away, so I know the guilt that you feel about that.  It sounds like your LO is a bit fussier than DD was, but the fussing was really hard on me too.  Is there any way that she is getting over stimulated?  Maybe try moving bedtime up a bit and see if that helps. 

    Your LO is still really small.  Soon she will start smiling and you'll be able to coax them out of her.  That helped me so much.  I felt like I was finally getting something back.  Now DD and I have conversations (she is quite the talker) and they just melt my heart.  The first 7 weeks were really hard for us, but it has gotten so much better. 

    Does wearing your LO help?  My mom said that she had to wear me practically 24/7 for the first 3 months of my life.  I ended up being lactose intollerant and it took them a long time to figure it out. 

     Good luck and feel free to vent anytime you need it!  You are not alone!

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  • meshlmeshl
    I was going thru the same thing until we switched to the hypo-allergenic formula (nutramigen).  It appears she has an allergy to the cow's milk proteins.  My dr. told me to stay away from soy formula because of some recent studies.  But, she was having horrible gas, wasn't sleeping, and nights were unbearable.  Now, she's cute, cuddly, and it has definitely helped with the bonding.  Good luck!!
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  • Rizzo5Rizzo5
    It DOES get better.  Some things that helped during this period with DD...can you wear your LO?  Have you tried showering with LO, or even just sitting (do a feeding) in the bathroom with the shower running?  Try taking a walk.  I know it's hard right now but it sounds like you're doing great.  Try to stay postive...it's corny I know...but I think a lot of what happens with LO has to do with the attitude you portray.  Easier said than done while LO is screaming but just keep at it...you're not a bad mother we all get frustrated.
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  • mrsbird1129mrsbird1129 member

    I'm sorry it's so rough right now.  You are NOT the only one to feel this way.  My LO cries all the time too it seems.  I am so relieved when she finally stops crying long enough to fall asleep!  Colic is really hard on both the baby and the parents unfortunately :(  My only advice is to try to recruit family and/or friends to help get some time away during the day.  I usually go to my parents once or twice a week and then my sister and my mom come here once a week too.  It really does help just to have someone else hold her and rock her for a little bit.  Plus, I get to nap, which helps SO MUCH!  Exhaustion doesn't help one bit!  In fact, I think it makes it worse on both me and the baby.  She seems to know when I'm about to my breaking point and starts to scream harder...

    Good luck!  It'll be ok!!  Just try to get some help and try to cuddle with her when shes asleep maybe.  That may sound crazy as you probably just want to set her down, but when mine is asleep and angel like, that's when I can finally just stare at her and love her up so much more.  It makes bonding a little easier when she's not screaming, that's for sure!

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  • cjillacjilla
    Have you tried white noise? When my ds would cry a lot, dh or I would just wear him and vacuum the carpet. The loud noise seemed to calm him and the motion helped as well. What about pacifier; sucking is calming. I know some babies don't like them, but mine did. Look to Happiest Baby on the Block stuff...
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  • MelissaMc22MelissaMc22

    OMG, I wrote this post 5 weeks ago! Seriously, had the exact same issues!

    Go dairy free!! Really, it will help so much. DS seemed do angry all the time and like you I felt like I was constantly trying to get him to sleep so he wouldnt be so upset, it was horrible!

    After a ton of research I went dairy free (just the big stuff for us) and it was like night and day. His poor tummy couldnt digest the milk protein and he was in agony. Within 3 days, I noticed a difference, he was more calm, not screaming, his skin was better, eyes clearer.....

    He still has his fussy days, but going DF helped alot. Please try it! And keep your head up!!

     

    http://tinypic.com/r/1se3id/7
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