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Daisy77
member
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
Why holidays+family=alcohol.
Daisy77
member
Harvest has been really late this year so MIL said that she wasn't going to host Thanksgiving, we'd be going to a local hotel for dinner. 
She works in the fields with FIL and she's worried about having to clean, cook, etc. Well....
For the one billionth time, I offered to host. Dinner at a hotel just doesn't seem Thanksgivingy (not a word, I know). We have the room. We have the table, chairs, etc. We live 1/2 mile from IL's. I'd do the big stuff (turkey, potatoes and stuffing) and everyone could bring a side dish. Easy peasy.
Nope.
First SIL#2 complained that dinner at a hotel wasn't right for Thanksgiving. So.....MIL agreed to have it at her home. And she appreciates my offer and all, but really, she'll do it. ::sigh:: She doesn't have time! The woman forever acts like a martyr, stresses herself out, and then expects us to all run to her aid when she has a meltdown. She'll enlist in SIL#1's help and she will act like this huge hero because she swept the floor. This will all end with the either of the SILs and BIL suggesting to me that maybe *I* could offer to host once. You know, help MIL out. 
I also offered to host it (and any holiday) for my mom's family. Some of them live 50 miles in one direction of us. The others live 50 miles in the other direction. Being as we're the midway point, it would make sense. However, we don't allow smoking in our house so apparently that eliminates us. That's fine, but in a couple years I'm going to have some strong words for my aunt when she suggests that I "host a holiday, we live in the middle, it would only make sense!"
Grrr...I'm done offering only to be ignored and then later chastised for not offering (anymore). Why can't they just accept help? Why make it so difficult? They all talk about how old they are, how much work it is, and how us "younger" ones should take over...well then, let me!
Who hosts for your holidays? Does it work out well or it there always a "struggle" for who "has" to do it?
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Why holidays+family=alcohol.
I don't have much help for ya. My gram EVERY year insists that she hosts Christmas because, 'it could be her last christmas' -- that has been the excuse for the last 10 years. ::sigh:: -
hasn't really been an issue for us because before DD- DH and I would always travel for Christmas- and do it on our own. We let them all fight it out because it simply isn't worth all of the family drama. i avoid it at all costs!!!!
GL!
I hosted my dad's side of the family for Christmas two years in a row. It was fine, but everyone on that side of the family puts on their happy faces and pretends to get along with each other, when really no one wants to be there. I will say, however, it was the least awkward Christmas's to date
Other than that I've been pumping out babies and unable to host in the last couple years.
Oh wow. What a pain!
Christmas with my mom's family - my grandma hosts. That's the way it's been since before I was born. Everyone gets there early, and we eat breakfast together. That's my absolute favorite part of any holiday all year - Christmas breakfast at Big Mama's.
My dad's family - it changes up sometimes, but it is usually at my grandma's. She just bought a new house, and is hoping to have it there this year.
DH's family - Who knows. Sometimes we see them, sometimes we don't. None of them have one big Thanksgiving or Christmas together. We usually make the rounds and see everyone here and there sometime between Thanksgiving and mid-January.
Wow, what an ordeal!
I feel we have it so easy because 1) DH's parents are both deceased and they never did big, extended family get-togethers and 2) My mom, dad and sister all live in the same town.
Because flights are SUPER spendy, we spend Thanksgiving here at our house and my mom and sister always spend the day together back in TX. Of course we hate not being together but I guess we can't have everything.
For Christmas, DH, Emily and I always fly to Texas and we celebrate with my mom, sister and dad.
Good luck and I hope you end up having a wonderful holiday!
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
Do you want my honest, from the gut answer?
Forget your extended family, and start your own tradition at your house!
Our families are all about 1- 1 1/2 hours away in different directions. When DH and I were dating/married before children, we offered to do Thanksgiving for whomever wanted to come. My parents, siblings came and MIL came. Sure it wasn't what we usually did at first with all the extended family, but it became our new tradition and they all look forward to coming to our place for Thanksgiving and relaxing for a change. This year, since we have a house, we offered Thanksgiving for our extended family and for the first time, MH's aunt & her family, and his grandparents have taken us up on the offer. It might be different, but sometimes, different is good!
As for Christmas, my family had their own traditions- Christmas Eve was always really big and DH's family had their own traditions Christmas Eve waas big for them too. Trying to figure out the logistics and trying to make everyone happy was such a PITA. There was no way we could "do" everything and so before our DD was born, we sucked it up and traveled, with everyone knowing that once we had kids, that was it. Lo and behold, we had our daughter and guess what, we stayed home! Our house was open on Christmas for whomever wanted to come and my parents, and grandmom came by as did MIL and her parents. This year, we're hosting a rather informal open house on christmas day for whomever wants to come by- extended family, etc... I'm also going to be close to 36 wks. PG come Christmas so the last thing I want to be doing is driving all over the greater NJ & Pa area!
In a nutshell, it's hard to make people change and more so it's hard to make everyone happy! My .02, put your immediate family first! There's nothing that says you HAVE to spend every holiday with every single extended family member. Like I said, we started Thanksgiving on our own with only 6 people and now it's upwards of 15 because the invitation was always extended and after a few years family members took us up on it.
GL!
We have a smaller family for gatherings, 12 people at the most. When MIL started complaining about all the work, we tried to step in and help. It didn't work, MIL was still a b!tch about everything and complained about hosting.
So, we just tell the In Laws that *we* are hosting Christmas Eve this year, and SIL told everyone, she was hosting Thanksgiving. MIL can't complain (well no valid complaint anyway) about not being able to host. In Laws are hosting Christmas Day, but it will be a really small group since SIL goes to her In Law's on Christmas Day.
We do our own thing on Christmas Morning, then go to In Laws house for Dinner.