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Does anyone else have siblings or sibling-in-laws with a mental handicap?

Beccaboo0713Beccaboo0713 member
in Babies: 3 - 6 Months
If so are you worried about it being genetic? I have a SIL that no one knows what is wrong with her. She has been tested and all they can say is she is mentally disabled. I was afraid for Jacob during my pregnancy and I know I will be worried if I get pregnant again. Not to say I wouldn't love my child but everyone hopes for the best for their child. If you are in a similar situation are you scared too?
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Re: Does anyone else have siblings or sibling-in-laws with a mental handicap?

  • katie_cjkatie_cj member

    I'm not in the same situation.  FI has ADHD and I worry about that.

    I would change the word retarted in your title, maybe find it offensive and I'd hate for this post to turn into flames instead of what the post is suppose to be about.

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  • kaylenpar1kaylenpar1 member

    There are some genetic disorders that run through both of our families.  I am very nervous about it if I have another- I had to go through a lot of testing with DD because they thought she could have Downs or spina bifida.  Thankfully, she is fine.

    Of course, even if something was wrong with my 2nd one, I would never love it any less.

    And I agree about changing the word retarded in your title.  Maybe replace it with disabled.

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  • bluepenelopebluepenelope
    yes my sister is mentally retarded and my BIL is autistic. ?I was extremely scared about it being genetic prior to pregnancy and during. ?I wasn't sure I wanted to have a child b/c I wasn't sure I was up for the life long challenge. ?My DH talked about it a lot and we finally decided we could handle anything we were given. ?But it was definitely a consideration and fear then and now. ?So far, DS is developing normally and not showing any signs of delays.?
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  • Beccaboo0713Beccaboo0713 member
    But that is what the doctor's called it. Mild retardation for unknown reasons. I just used the correct title. I am not trying to be mean. It's the medical term. :-/ I will change it if I need to though. I am thinking maybe handicapped would be better?
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  • MiaVonTMiaVonT

    umm yeah like pp said the word retarded can come across as insensitive to some ladies who may have LOs with disabilities .....even though that's not how you meant it

     

    I'm sure a lot of people worry about this as they do if LOs will inherit depression, addictions and things of that matter ... I KNOW I DID

     

     

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  • bluepenelopebluepenelope
    imagekatie_cj@hotmail.com:

    I'm not in the same situation.? FI has ADHD and I worry about that.

    I would change the word retarted in your title, maybe find it offensive and I'd hate for this post to turn into flames instead of what the post is suppose to be about.

    ?

    coming from someone with family member who is MR the word retarded in this context IS NOT offensive! She used it correctly. ?

    ETA: ?Please don't change the title. ?You used the word correctly and in this context it is not offensive. ??

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  • *blondie**blondie* member
    imagekatie_cj@hotmail.com:

    I would change the word retarted in your title, maybe find it offensive and I'd hate for this post to turn into flames instead of what the post is suppose to be about.

    This

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  • katie_cjkatie_cj member

    imageBeccaboo0713:
    But that is what the doctor's called it. Mild retardation for unknown reasons. I just used the correct title. I am not trying to be mean. It's the medical term. :-/ I will change it if I need to though. I am maybe handicapped would be better?

    I know, I'm honestly not flaming you for it.  We have a family friend whose retarded, and yes, that's also the term that the doctors and they use, I've just seen it flamed to high hell here before and I didn't want it to happen to you since it's a legitimate post.

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  • MbitnerMbitner
    imagekatie_cj@hotmail.com:

    I'm not in the same situation.  FI has ADHD and I worry about that.

    I would change the word retarted in your title, maybe find it offensive and I'd hate for this post to turn into flames instead of what the post is suppose to be about.

    This.  I am not flaming you by any means!  But, I have an aunt and cousin who have developmental delays.  I am also a special education teacher.  I really do try and advocate for people with specials needs. You may want to use different wording (ie- special needs, developmental delays etc).

    Back to your post- no I don't worry about it though I am consciously aware of it.  

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  • katie_cjkatie_cj member
    imagebluepenelope:
    imagekatie_cj@hotmail.com:

    I'm not in the same situation.  FI has ADHD and I worry about that.

    I would change the word retarted in your title, maybe find it offensive and I'd hate for this post to turn into flames instead of what the post is suppose to be about.

     

    coming from someone with family member who is MR the word retarded in this context IS NOT offensive! She used it correctly.  

    ETA:  Please don't change the title.  You used the word correctly and in this context it is not offensive.   

    I realize that.  I'm sorry, I just didn't want the OP to be flamed for it and take away from her post.  Which, in turn is a big fat fail since I brought it up.

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  • Mrs.CarlybellaMrs.Carlybella member

    i think in the back of my mind I would worry about that as well.

     

    and yes you used retarded in the proper context, but mentally retarded is generally the more PC term.  I don't think anyone will jump on your back b/c you are not really using it out of context, however it may be a ncie gesture to switch it.

    EDD with #4  01-20-14
    Proud mama to a boys-  6/17/09 - a girl 2/23/11- and a boy 8/20/12

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  • MbitnerMbitner

    imageBeccaboo0713:
    But that is what the doctor's called it. Mild retardation for unknown reasons. I just used the correct title. I am not trying to be mean. It's the medical term. :-/ I will change it if I need to though. I am thinking maybe handicapped would be better?

    handicap and retarded are not used anymore to label people with developmental disabilities- you can say mild developmental delays.  

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  • Beccaboo0713Beccaboo0713 member
    Okay, I changed it. I am sorry if it was offensive. I am sad that the word gets thrown around so much that it can't even be used in it's proper medically appropriate context.
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  • Beccaboo0713Beccaboo0713 member
    imageMbitner:

    imageBeccaboo0713:
    But that is what the doctor's called it. Mild retardation for unknown reasons. I just used the correct title. I am not trying to be mean. It's the medical term. :-/ I will change it if I need to though. I am thinking maybe handicapped would be better?

    handicap and retarded are not used anymore to label people with developmental disabilities- you can say mild developmental delays.  

    Well, I will have to tell her doctor then. Thanks. 

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  • katie_cjkatie_cj member

    imageBeccaboo0713:
    Okay, I changed it. I am sorry if it was offensive. I am sad that the word gets thrown around so much that it can't even be used in it's proper medically appropriate context.

    Argh, I'm really sorry for bringing it up, I didn't mean to make a big deal about it.

    Can you get genetic testing done on you and your DH?  I'm not sure how it works, but it might give you piece of mind.

     

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  • Beccaboo0713Beccaboo0713 member
    Yes, I get it I used the wrong term. I am sorry. Forget that I said anything. I will worry to myself.
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  • bluepenelopebluepenelope
    imageMbitner:

    imageBeccaboo0713:
    But that is what the doctor's called it. Mild retardation for unknown reasons. I just used the correct title. I am not trying to be mean. It's the medical term. :-/ I will change it if I need to though. I am thinking maybe handicapped would be better?

    handicap and retarded are not used anymore to label people with developmental disabilities- you can say mild developmental delays. ?

    ?

    this is not correct. ?The term mental retardation is used both in the school systems and medical fields. ?It is not a four letter word nor is it offensive when used correctly.

    In addition to having a sister who is MR and a brother in law with autism and mental retardation I was also an early childhood spec-ed teacher. ?The only time I am ever offended by the word is when someone uses it in a derogatory manner. ?

    ??

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  • MbitnerMbitner
    imageBeccaboo0713:
    imageMbitner:

    imageBeccaboo0713:
    But that is what the doctor's called it. Mild retardation for unknown reasons. I just used the correct title. I am not trying to be mean. It's the medical term. :-/ I will change it if I need to though. I am thinking maybe handicapped would be better?

    handicap and retarded are not used anymore to label people with developmental disabilities- you can say mild developmental delays.  

    Well, I will have to tell her doctor then. Thanks. 

    Of course lots of people, including doctors still use those terms.  I should have said that a lot of people are now advocating and trying to create awareness regarding using these terms.  Some doctors and specialists are more aware than others of more PC terms.  No flames here- just doing what I do (which is advocate...its hard for me not to).  Anyway back to your post...I still continually observe LO to make sure he is meeting milestones....I am sure I will do that for several years!  Genetic testing would not benefit us.  

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  • bluepenelopebluepenelope

    imageBeccaboo0713:
    Yes, I get it I used the wrong term. I am sorry. Forget that I said anything. I will worry to myself.

    I'm sorry that your sincere post about a sincere worry has turned into this. ?This is why I get so bothered by people getting up in arms about the word retarded. ?Please don't feel bad. ?I took no offense to your post title. ?

    I actually welcomed your post b/c you spoke my exact feelings prior to getting pregnant, during pregnancy and even now. ?If you want to have a discussion with out worry of being overly PC please PM me. ?

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  • Beccaboo0713Beccaboo0713 member
    It's not like I am insensitive to it. She just got married to a lovely man who is also mentally disabled. But before she got married she got herself sterilized so she could never have kids. Even though I tried to talk her out of it saying she could just use protection instead and if she had a kid anyway her whole family would be there to support her and that baby. She said that people like her shouldn't have babies. Which of course broke my heart. She said she didn't want to pass on her MR to a child. I cried for her. That being said it is what it is and I was just trying to get a little perspective from others in my situation I was not trying to start drama. I thought that was the correct medical term to get the answers that I wanted/needed. Obviously I was wrong. Very wrong. I am sorry. Sad
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  • Beccaboo0713Beccaboo0713 member
    imagebluepenelope:

    imageBeccaboo0713:
    Yes, I get it I used the wrong term. I am sorry. Forget that I said anything. I will worry to myself.

    I'm sorry that your sincere post about a sincere worry has turned into this.  This is why I get so bothered by people getting up in arms about the word retarded.  Please don't feel bad.  I took no offense to your post title.  

    I actually welcomed your post b/c you spoke my exact feelings prior to getting pregnant, during pregnancy and even now.  If you want to have a discussion with out worry of being overly PC please PM me.  

    Thank you. It would make me feel better if we know what she had, that way we could look for it but we don't and since he was a preemie there are delays anyway. 

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  • bluepenelopebluepenelope
    imageBeccaboo0713:
    imagebluepenelope:

    imageBeccaboo0713:
    Yes, I get it I used the wrong term. I am sorry. Forget that I said anything. I will worry to myself.

    I'm sorry that your sincere post about a sincere worry has turned into this. ?This is why I get so bothered by people getting up in arms about the word retarded. ?Please don't feel bad. ?I took no offense to your post title. ?

    I actually welcomed your post b/c you spoke my exact feelings prior to getting pregnant, during pregnancy and even now. ?If you want to have a discussion with out worry of being overly PC please PM me. ?

    Thank you. It would make me feel better if we know what she had, that way we could look for it but we don't and since he was a preemie there are delays anyway.?

    ?

    Its natural to worry I think. ?Especially when you don't know the exact cause. ?We don't know what caused my sisters delays either. ?Like I said before it took me a LONG time to decide that I was willing to take the chance and get pregnant. ?It helped talking to my OB. ?She told us that there isn't much risk of passing mental retardation on - even when the parent is MR themselves. ?

    I have to go, my LO just woke up. ?But please PM me if you want to talk more. ?

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  • bluepenelopebluepenelope
    imageMbitner:
    imageBeccaboo0713:
    imageMbitner:

    imageBeccaboo0713:
    But that is what the doctor's called it. Mild retardation for unknown reasons. I just used the correct title. I am not trying to be mean. It's the medical term. :-/ I will change it if I need to though. I am thinking maybe handicapped would be better?

    handicap and retarded are not used anymore to label people with developmental disabilities- you can say mild developmental delays. ?

    Well, I will have to tell her doctor then. Thanks.?

    Of course lots of people, including doctors still use those terms. ?I should have said that a lot of people are now advocating and trying to create awareness regarding using these terms. ?Some doctors and specialists are more aware than others of more PC terms. ?No flames here- just doing what I do (which is advocate...its hard for me not to). ?Anyway back to your post...I still continually observe LO to make sure he is meeting milestones....I am sure I will do that for several years! ?Genetic testing would not benefit us. ?

    how about instead of advocating about words you advocate about attitudes and awareness and tolerance. ?

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  • Mrs.CarlybellaMrs.Carlybella member
    give her a break-  she has been nothing but receptive to people's feelings, and was using the word retarded in the correct context.  People pointed out there were better ways to say that, she apologized and changed it.  She was not being insensitive or offensive.
    EDD with #4  01-20-14
    Proud mama to a boys-  6/17/09 - a girl 2/23/11- and a boy 8/20/12

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