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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
smiling76
member
My new "mom" blog: http://realityofamommy.blogspot.com
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Notes:
If your pregnancy (this or the 1st) was UNplanned...
smiling76
member
How did your DH respond to the news? Or rather, if you were a little upset/nervous/etc regarding being pregnant again --did DH try to make you feel better about it or did it make it worse??
Even though DS was "planned"---DH never seemed SUPER happy--although he doesn't show emotion well. I see other dads get so excited and "in" to the pregnancy--DH wasn't.
SO fast forward to now---REALLY bad timing with the sex and I think there's a chance the egg and sperm could be doing the happy dance right now in me---a part of me is SOOOOO upset (we weren't going to TTC until next summer and just had an ooops moment). I feel like DS is going to miss out on babyhood. But then another part of me thinks that what happens will happen and that it's God's work.
So I kind of expressed my "sorrow" to DH and also told him how I don't like the fact that he acts like such a freaking baby when I ask him to put on a condom---blah blah blah---and he just is sooooo unsupportive. He's not saying he's unhappy---but he's not saying anything like "it's ok honey--it'll be nice to have them close in age....or it'll be fine...." (or anything like that).
I guess I'm just so nervous right now and the next 2 weeks are going to drag for sure now....LOL. I just wish DH was more open with his feelings.
My new "mom" blog: http://realityofamommy.blogspot.com
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[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
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This discussion has been closed.
Re: If your pregnancy (this or the 1st) was UNplanned...
Breleigh & Mason
My 1st pregnancy was a totally HOLY SHIIIT it was with my ex-husband then my boyfriend.
I never ever got my period and went to the dr to get meds to bring on my period they said dont take it till the bloodwork comes back. they called me and said your pregnant your very very pregnant. my hcg was 400,000. i told my ex he said you are having an abortion right ??? Ummm NO. Hes now 11 years old couldnt imagine my life without him.
Lucas was planned. DD wasn't, however we weren't preventing. We both knew the night it "could have" happened. We talked about the what-ifs, and DH was better than me about it. When I got my BFP he was happy - I cried like a baby. Now I keep having to remind him that the baby is about to come. He was gone overseas for 4 months and the pregnancy has gone too fast for him and he is really starting to panic now.
Some men just don't show excitement or emotions like others do. It sounds like your DH isn't talking to you about how he feels at all. Those are communication issues that probably go a lot deeper than just a potential pregnancy. My DH has had a lot of those issues too, and they are something we continue to battle (and 4 months away causes set-backs), and they are not something that you can quickly fix. You may have a constant struggle getting him to be open with you, and a BIG part of him opening up will be how you approach it.
I think you're right--it does go deeper. He had a very weird upbringing and his family is pretty messed up (at least the female side is)--so that could be part of it. I don't think he was really allowed to open up--and this is all "new" to him. He IS getting better about it--but I think when he sees me get so upset about something he kind of closes up a bit. Not sure why. I think what I could possibly do different this time is test WITH him. Both times (first pregnancy I loss)--and then with DS I tested alone and so he didn't have that "holy crap--this is real" moment.
Don't get me wrong either--he LOVES being a dad---and he was happy about DS---just didn't show it much.
My new "mom" blog: http://realityofamommy.blogspot.com
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[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
Notes:
DS was planned, but DH was exactly the same way as your husband.
This pregnancy was not planned. When I told him, I thought he was going to cry. He asked me to consider the "options" because it was really bad timing. He also said he would support me in whatever decision I made. He seems to be at peace with it now, so hopefully it stays that way when the baby comes.
With DD#1, we were still actively trying to prevent a pregnancy, so yes we were shocked. Being our first on top of all that, I think we both freaked out. Funnily enough, we found out I was PG the morning that I was leaving for a weekend trip with a friend to my mom's in FL. I freaked and was just hysterical - just nervous, not necessarily upset. So many plans that needed to change. DH just completely shut down. Long story but he was driving me to work and then to the airport so he just kept telling me to get ready for work and basically refusing to talk about any of it. For the most part, we didn't talk much about it other than DH reassuring me that it'd work out in the end until I got back that Sunday (so like 5 days later). Honestly, that was probably good for us. DH met me at the airport with flowers (I think my friend told him to) and told me he was thrilled but nervous. We cried and talked. We still freaked a bunch more times, but it was more together.
With DD#2, she was more of a surprise. I only had one AF between the girls and we'd run out of condoms and forgotten to get more. Between DD#1's birthday and everything else going on that month, I don't think we had sex twice. (TMI, sorry) We still have no idea where she came from, but I think we did better with her. I still had meltdowns and whatnot, but it was easier in the sense that we mostly knew what we were getting ourselves into.
Honestly, this is the only "planned" PG I've had and emotionally, I think I'm having the most trouble getting excited and ready for him. That said, I know I'll get there...hopefully sooner rather than later.