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Blended Families
Do you get cards/present for BF from DC?
Our DD is 2, and we divocred on amazingly good terms and have a great co parenting relationship. I've since remarried and am pregnant with #2. BF's B-day is sunday, and I'm wondering if I should get him a card "from" DD. I did this for fathers day 2 yrs ago as it was his first dads day, we had just divorced and I didn't want him to go w/o on his first dads day....last year he was deployed during his B-day and holidays so I didn't do anything...
BUT I'm wondering if I should, and if anyone else does this....he is not remarried or in a relationship with anyone, if that matters.
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Re: Do you get cards/present for BF from DC?
DD's BF has since passed away, but what I always did was have her make him a picture to give him for his birthday. They started as just scribbled pictures, but progressed throughout the years. That way it wasn't like *I* was buying him a birthday card. It was genuinely from DD.
Hell yes! And for a couple of reasons.
1) What a great way of instilling maturity and being the "bigger/better" person in your child. Watching her parents put forth the effort is the best teaching tool in the world.
2) What a great way of teaching your child to remember and celebrate other people's accomplishments. If you include her, even at this young of an age, in the build up, purchase and send off of the gift, she will make this a habit for a lifetime.
I can tell you that SS never remembers birthdays or holidays for the parent he is not with. And that is because his mother never instilled the maturity or basic know-how to do these things.
On the other hand, my SD (who grew up with DH) will always remember to acknowledge these events, even for me, with no prompting. And that is because DH worked with her.
Congrats on having a great divorce.
BM obviously had SD make cards for DH after they were seperated and divorced. DH has them all - or I'm sure, most of them - and I find them very sweet. He still looks at them and smiles at how cute and special they are to him.
I suggest at any age you support this and encourage them to do so on their own as they grow up and mature to an age they can do this themselves.
For now, at such a young age, I'd keep it simple, make sure it's from them - not you or you pretending to speak for them. Just make sure that for every appropriate occassions, they remember their dad in some way. Even if it is a scribble on the paper.
I actually feel kind of bad about the fact that we don't do this. In our defense, last year was the first time that the ex sent DS a birthday card, and I had to ask him several times to do it.
The ex and his family also just aren't really big on cards and birthday gifts. Most years I was married to him, he didn't get me either a card or a gift. It was just how he was raised.
If I can get the ex to regularly send a card to DS, I think I would have him make/pick out a card for his father. But, it's not going to be just a one-sided thing.
The boys see BF a lot now (50%) and I imagine the SM helps get gifts for him.
When they were little I'd save photos and they'd make things for him. Regardless about how much I didn't like him, he's still their dad, ya know?
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Yes, I think it's a great idea to do something for BF - I agree with other people that it can be just something simple such as making a card, drawing, painting etc. You can even take a picture of DD and then have her "paint" a frame to put around the picture. Something homemade from DD is what people appreciate the most and will cherish. I don't believe it's necessary for you to go and purchase anything for BF.