- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
2nd Trimester
araevg
member
Raising your child with religion?
araevg
member
Will you be raising your child with religion? Why, or why not?
DH and I are both Agnostic and will not be bringing our child up in any one religion. We do, however, plan on educating our child on a variety of religions and encouraging her to go to church with her friends, if she chooses, that way she can make an informed decision when she's older. If she chooses religion, great, if she doesn't, we're okay with that too. 
DH had religion forced down his throat when he was younger (think going to church 3-4 times a week). His parents were heavily involved in the church, and for all intents and purposes, disowned us when they found out we had lived together before getting married. DH feels very strongly that no child should have to go through what he did. DH says his parents constantly made him feel guilty for his actions while he was a child and how it had turned him off from the church completely.
Granted, DH's situation is a unique case! I think raising a child in religion can be great and beneficial, when done correctly, but it's not the right decision for us.
So how will you be raising your child?
Note: I know religion can be a hot topic, so please be respectful of everyone else's opinions. :-)
Ashley & Jeff
Married since August 2007
BFP Cycle #16, Clomid 100mg
DD #1 born on March 25, 2010
TTC #2 as of May 31, 2011
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Raising your child with religion?
H and I are both Catholic and will be raising our child as such.
We will be! I was raised in a Christian home (Baptist), but very blessed that I had parents who let me explore my faith on my own. Religion was never crammed down my throat. I was the kid who was in church every time the doors were open, because I wanted to be there. DH was raised Catholic. We were married in a Catholic church. I have found that my personal beliefs align very well with the Catholic church, so I am currently in the process of converting. I want our child to be raised in it, but I hope I'm like my parents and allow my child to figure out this stuff for his/her self.
I say this all of this, b/c I think that it is great that you and YH are wanting to raise your child so that they are able to make an informed decision on their own.
my read shelf:
DH and I were both baptized Roman Catholic - and married in a Catholic ceremony. That being said, we lived together before marriage and we were also 6 weeks PG on our wedding day.
We do not attend church regularly, but plan on having LO baptized and (possibly) enrolling him/her in CCD but not forcing them if they choose not to go forward with it. I'd like to introduce LO to all different types of religion and allowing them to choose what's best for them (when the time comes).
I actually come from a Baptist family but we hardly ever went to church. DH grew up Catholic. When we got married we decided we would go to a non-denominational church and just raise our children "christian." We'll, a while after we were married and talking about having kids I told DH I wanted to become Catholic. While he was thrilled he in no way influenced this. This is something I decided because I have never been baptized and would like to be and I like the Catholic faith. DH considered becoming Baptist but we decided the Catholic religion fit our needs, lifestyle, beliefs better. So, we will be raising our kids Catholic.
This being said... if our children grow up and decide they want to belong to another religion... we will be very supportive just like my parents are with me.
See, now your parents sound wonderful! Without the religous base, that's how I want to be. I want to expose my child to all kinds of belief systems, that way she can explore her faith on her own. I don't want to push my beliefs off onto her, I want to help guide her into the wonderful world of learning, that way she can discover who she is and what she believes in. Learning can be magical. I'm so curious to see what her take on religion will be. Will she be Agnostic, like DH and I, or will she be Christian, Jewish, Buddhist? etc etc. :-)
From experience with friends and family, when parents don't take the time to explain why they do things in their religion, the kids get confused and feel forced into doing things they don't wanna do.
I have seen so many kid/teenagers/adults angry with their parents because they "forced" the religion onto them. Parents need to spend more time with their children (if they want to raise them religious) to help them understand WHY things are done certain ways.
My religion is very strict, and many people feel that it is ridiculous and too harsh. I've found that most of these people don't understand why we do things so harshly. For example, if you had cancer or gangrene, it is a drastic step to remove the body part infected, but why would you let it fester when you can remove that part, and continue on with your life.
To answer your question, Red and I are raising our child with religion.
This sounds exactly like my life! I am going through RCIA right now actually!
Baptist. My DH and I had a fight about this prior to the marriage (one of those work it out if we're getting married sorts of things) and I gave in and agreed to let the kids be raised Baptist. Low and behold, a month after the ceremony I find out I'm pregnant.
I had no problem raising my children Christian in the first place, but religion was forced upon me, and I would prefer to be "open" about it, whereas my DH would not like to be so open. Basically, I'm now not allowed to read the Qur'an to our child. Whatever. It'll be on the shelf and if they feel like picking it up, that's their deal.
I agree 100%, though this extends outside religion as well. Instead of telling your child "don't do drugs," you need to explain why you shouldn't do drugs. Kids appreciate explanations. At least, I always did when growing up. It made me so angry when grown ups would tell me not to do something (or tell me to do something) but wouldn't explain why, even when I asked.
I am an atheist. DH is agnostic. We were both raised Catholic, made all of our Rites, and were married in a Catholic ceremony. Bridget will be christened as a Catholic and will attend CCD classes until she makes her First Communion. She will also learn about all the other religions in the world from DH and me.
I know it sounds hypocritical for an atheist to raise her daughter Catholic. But I see it as an education, and I want her make up her own mind when she is old enough to do so, as I did. Should she choose to remain Catholic, I want to make sure that she has that foundation, as I did.
The most important thing to DH and I is that we raise our little girl to be open-minded and fair, and to think for herself. Religion will not be stressed in our home, but decency and humanity will.
How did you two come to the decision that you would take your children to church? I find it interesting, since you're an Atheist and he's Agnostic. A very cool choice though.
We were each raised Catholic, though my family practiced more regularly, but both attended Catholic schools at different points in our education, and agree that we prefer private schools (Dallas isn't known for a good public school system) so our children will likely attend Catholic school as well. We aren't currently practicing, but I would like to personally work on that, and if hub doesn't want to, he can stay home. I don't think we'll go all too regularly while the baby is an infant, but I feel religion teaches children moral standards well. I do like the blindfold/elephant thing though, I'd never heard that before.
We are both Christian and will be raising our child that way. I don't plan on "shoving it down his/her throat", but I'm definitely not going to change my religious habits when LO is here. My religion is a very important and deep-rooted part of my life. I will teach him/her to "test" the things they learn at church rather than taking everything the pastor or teacher says as absolute. I think that's very important, as even I don't agree with everything our church/denomination teaches.
I'm sorry your husband had a bad experience. I think it's horribly sad when parents disown or treat a child badly because they do things that don't "agree" with their religion. I strongly believe that parents should love them unconditionally, and respect their ability to make their own decisions, even if it's not the decision the parent would have made for them.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
To add to that...
I strongly believe that values and moral can be positively formed with the absence of religion. I fully understand how easy it is to say that religion contributes to a high standard of values and morals, but truly, if not seeing it as being judged by a source outside of the people you know (like god,) morals should be formed of our your own, or your childs own values.
I just dont think that religion and morals have anything to do with each other at the core. I was raided in an LDS family and had plenty of struggles. Adding the fact that i was also being "judged by God," as well as my parents and entire church was just adding one more negative aspect of growing up. I know that for me, and for DH who lived in a similar situation, religion had no play in promoting anything positive for us.
Cool! I like this.
Catholic, but very open minded.
I was taught the faith, but also taught to question it and decide for myself. That is what we will teach her.
DH and I are both Christians... raised that way... and then really chose it the older we got. We now have a church that we love, so we'll absolutely take our son to church too. It will just be a part of his life. But beyond just going to worship in a church building once a week, our faith and relationship with God is an every day thing, all the time, that he'll grow up with and know. It's definitely more of a spiritual mindset/relationship/faith that we'll expose him to more than a rules/regulations/church based "religion". I'll pray then (and have even begun now!) that he'll grow to have a real relationship with God and that he'll always trust him. That said, all we can do as parents is expose him to what we know to be truth and pray for him!
I definitely commend you for allowing your child to be exposed to faiths that you may not consider yourself a part of. That's very bold! I think that if nothing else, it will allow her to be really well rounded and have a greater understanding of other people and families.
(On a side note, that's very sad about your DH's family... no wonder he probably feels bitter!! I'm not sure what kind of church that was, but the God I know doesn't force people to go to church a certain amount of times each weeks, do special rituals, etc... Jesus came to earth, was killed, and rose from the dead to free us from that kind of crap! lol ...They obviously missed that part of the Bible... kinda key!)
I will educate my kids in all different religions. I'm Christian, but DH and I don't go to church. I plan on starting to go once LO gets older (like Sunday School age), because I think the community aspect is good and meaningful. When I was young I went to church with my family every week, but it was a fun thing to do, it wasn't a chore, and the super strict, guilt aspect of being Christian wasn't a factor in my home.
I've explored many different churches and gone with friends to church to learn about their religions and all of that (I started doing my exploring in high school), and it was a really fun, educational thing for me, so if my kid wants to learn about other religions more in depth, I'll take them to a variety of services.
Thank you! I've always considered myself open minded and make a point to learn about the things that I don't necessary believe in. After all, how do I know if I don't believe in something if I know nothing about it? It'll be interesting to see where our child's beliefs lie when she's older. I'm looking forward to it.
And goodness, I could write a whole book about my in-laws. They were so rude to my (loosely Christian) parents because they aren't god-fearing-church-every-Sunday type people. The morning after the wedding, they grilled several members of my family at the hotel they were all staying at, asking about my beliefs and what religion I was brought up in. Afterwards, they told Dh how disappointed they were in him (about his decision in choosing me as a wife, I suppose). Talk about OUCH!
same here!
I am agnostic (raised strictly Catholic) and my husband is Jewish (barely practicing). We both wanted our children to be exposed to religion, and so we will be raising them in the Jewish faith. We are actually looking into taking classes that teach us more about the religion. However, as my mother and Stepfather are very devout Catholics, I am sure that our children will be exposed to it, which I don't mind as long as it is not forced down their throats when we're not around. And my stepmother is pagan, again, my children will be exposed to it. We plan on letting our children know that religion is a personal choice and that there is no right or wrong choice. I hope that they will always have the knowledge to question religion and never follow blindly into anything.
Neither DH nor I were raised in religious households and in fact, in mine, my mom openly hated the Catholic church (where in Quebec in her youth they did some pretty nasty and horrible things to children). I think I've been to a religious service about five times in my whole life. DH and I were married in a spiritual but non-religious ceremony (no mention of God).
However, I do respect anyone's wish to practice faith and I think many churches do wonderful things for their communities especially now where many of us don't take the time to know our neighbours.
If my children express a desire to learn more about organised religion, DH and I are more than happy and willing to explore those options with them when the time comes.
Also, both DH and I believe in God, it's just organised religion as a whole that we don't really buy into.
Eleanor Noelle - 18/05/12 Claire Elisabeth - 16/-5/10
DH & I are both Roman Catholic, I do not agree with everything the church is for or against but its the only church I have ever known and I like the community aspect of it the most. My goal is to help the change within even if it doesn't happen in my lifetime. We will baptise and raise our child in the catholic religion and also teach them our home values and morals. When they become an adult they can choose what they want to do with their lives and the church. I grew up in a devout Irish Roman Catholic home, I went to church daily, and had prayers and the whole sha-bang. I still have my own ideas and views, I left the church for about 15 years and just rejoined last year after DH & I bought our house.
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1a1ae8.aspx[/img][/url]