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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Warning: Ticker & U/S Inside: A song I want to share with you girls
I heard this song on the radio this week and begin doing some research and it seems to be a local up and coming band so I am not sure how known this song is. Although I have never experienced a loss this song brought tears to my eyes and I wanted to share it with all of you.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Warning: Ticker & U/S Inside: A song I want to share with you girls
Sure what should I put? Sorry, I never come over here so not sure what to put to make sure people know.
Not a problem; I understand.
I would just put in the title (warning: preg. siggy and u/s pic)
I really like the song. Thanks again!
You come here - offer a song that only makes us cry even more tears??? As if the buckets we already have cried aren't enough??? I don't need another trigger to make me cry. As if the 10 million pg ladies stocking us and their babies aren't enough??? You haven't had a loss and have no idea what it feels like to pick your baby up at the mortuary... if you did - you would not be posting this tear jerking song... I don't need another reason to cry for my daughter... thank you.
I am sure your intensions are kind hearted.... but, this isn't the way to do it.... This board is for members only... and unfortunately, you have to loose a baby to be apart of the worst club on earth.
BTW- we basically have the same EDD- thanks for that...
:::sob, sob, sob:::
sorry OP, fail.
ETA: Never mind my original thought, you have never had a loss.
What the HELL possessed you to come here and spread more saddness? Believe me, please, we don't need to be made to cry. I saw a special for a kid's meal at McDonald's and had to run to the car I was crying so hard. I was laughing at a joke my DH and I tell all the time and started sobbing b/c I would never get to laugh with our babies.
The tears are with me all the time right now and have been since May. I'm all set with tears.
cheese and rice, lay off the snark. She meant well. She didn't post "I would like to make you sob sob sob" she wanted to share something she thought was healing. Don't like it, just be quiet and let someone else get something from it if they want.
Did we have "board police elections" and I missed it?
::: shaking my head::::
(to the gal who suggested she post something about the u/s pik, nicely done. very well put. THAT was kind and gentle.)
I am sure you mean well, but I just don't understand the intent of this post. You heard a song, it made you sad, so you thought hmmmmmm, I know a group that would get REALLY sad by this song, lemme post it? Think about it. Maybe an analogy might help... I have a friend who lost her dad, would it maybe be a tad bit insensitive of me if I send her an email with a link to the song "Wind beneath my wings" tell her that this song reminds me of my dad and I heard it today and it made me cry thinking would it be like if my dad was dead (like yours) I am so glad he is alive and well (see picture of my dad with his birthday ticker below). I never experienced a loss of a parent, but I thought I would share.
As you might imagine, posting here with u/s and tickers is touchy at best. I have had 3 losses and I rarely post now for that reason. Posts with "although I have never experienced a loss..." with tickers and u/s almost never happen. Most people are more sensitive than that. Those with losses come here to get away from those that never had losses (i.e., people like you, however well-meaning) and talk with those who can actually understand.
Nope, this is one place where I do not have to put on a happy face and act like whatever anyone says is okay because it is the polite thing to do.
I think this analogy fits quite well. OP, most of us know that you meant well. But as some PPs said, we don't wish for "one more day," we wish for the life that we were cheated out of. I can promise you, you do not want to be a part of the group here. Perhaps you should let the folks who know what this is like be the ones to dole out the inspiration.
Please do not tell us how we should or shouldn't respond to a post. We are all women who are going through one of the most difficult times in our life. While OP may have meant well, we have every right to respond honestly and let her know if we appreciate or do not appreciate what she shared. At the very least, read some of the posts on the board and familiarize yourself with what we are all going through. For many of us, this board is best support we have right now and we are all VERY sensitive to the emotions we are going through. None of the women here ever tell each other to "just be quiet".
No one here is being snarky. We are all in mourning. Please respect our losses.
Oh, save your self righteous bullsh!t for someone else. This board is not for non-loosers to post reminders of our pain. As if we need that! Give me f'ing break. No one is arguing her intent- we are arguing her execution. She has no business here and we all know it. It is a slap in the face regardless if she meant it.
Done.
Starbeth.... I've lost 5. Five babies. 1,2,3,4,5. Would you like to discuss my mourning process? It's rather long.
When I started posting on this board in June this place was kind, supportive, and when a new kid had the unfortunate reason to come here, there were 50 posts saying they were sorry for their loss. Not 4. When gals said "am I miscarrying?" people took a second to point out a couple of things, suggest calling a doc, etc. not "what do we look like, a mind reader?" The "air" in here has changed. A lot. No one had to apologize for a kid in their sig, there were not rules, or regs, or eggshells to walk on.
Women came together to hold eachother and find companions in Suckville.
I need to tell you that I have been a member of this board for 13 months. The tone of the board changes with the people that post here.. The tone has changed alot since I first came here. But that doesnt mean it is wrong. People come over here all the time asking dumb questions and posting things that are hurtful to the girls that have new losses. Having to see a post from someone who never had a loss and has a huge u/s pic in a siggy is hurtful. The girls from TTCAL come to defend the newer girls to this board becuase they want to protect them from hurting anymore than they already are.
I myself have lost three babies in 12 months. I can tell you that I dont like people coming over from other boards who have never had losses and posting "wanting to help" I dont believe it is genuine.
I think this is supposed to be a place where we can vent and say how we actually feel about things. We dont have to put on a "brave face" here. You may not agree with how the other posters feel but they arent wrong for the way they feel either.
I just don't think everyone has to be so rude about things, that's all. Maybe I'm being rude by saying that. Probably. But that's how *I* feel.
Biting someone's head off isn't going to heal the pain of a loss.
In the past when I have seen posts like this, I have done what I always do and just read them and moved on to the next message. I never understood why people got so fired up about people with good intentions and poor execution. However, after reading this and many other posts in the past like this, I am finally inspired to offer my two cents (which are probably worth even less!):
* I think it is clear to everyone that the intent of the OP was not to be hurtful, but instead to give the people here a song that might perhaps capture the feelings of those on the board.
* I completely agree that as someone who has suffered a recent loss, the last thing I want when I come here is to see or hear something that will make me more upset than I already am, especially since I use this board for comfort and support.
* While I might choose to read something like this, understand the OP original intent and ignore it, others may have a completely different reaction. Depending on hormones, mental state, stage of the grief process, or coffee spilled on one's shirt that morning, people will react in a more extreme way to a less hurtful post after having experienced an event that brings them to this board. Whatever the reason for the reaction, emotions of the people on this site are raw and that impacts behavior.
* When people feel lost, dramatic actions or behaviors make them feel "alive" and it's not typical of how they would be likely to act IRL. Whenever the communication form is "virtual", everything is open to interpretation and the first assumption is not always correct.
* I have listed all these reasons and tried to sound smart, when in the end all we really need is for everyone to be respectful and compassionate towards a fellow grieving soul.
With all this said, I would be the biggest hypocrite in the world to say that I never act or speak before I think. I'm pretty sure by now the OP feels horrible for what she has started and at least everyone has had an opportunity to make their opinions known. To the OP, thanks for trying and hopefully this has been a learning experience about this board and those who are grieving. For those who read it and were made to feel anything other than happy, I'm so sorry and I offer you {{HUGE HUGS}} and hope that we continue to take care of each other.
PAL/PGAL Welcome
Quoting something another poster said that I feel says it beautifully!...
People who havent had a loss need to stay away unless they are asking how to help a friend who is MCing. i'm sure happily PG people wouldn't want us to go to 1sr tri or 2nd tri and post our MC stories or event 3rd tri with stillbirth stories so I'm not sure why they think they can comfort us or give advice.
If you would like to discuss your mourning process, I would be glad to talk. I have had 3 m/c myself in the past 9 months and I have found that discussing what MH and I are going through is best therapy for me.
I only began posting here three weeks ago after the most recent m/c and I have found the board to be extremely helpful and kind. I have found a place to vent and ask questions. I don't always have the time to come on and post but I hope that when I do I am able to offer some type of support to the women. I imagine that this board has a lot of turn over and the "air" changes often.
I think in this type of emotionally charge atmosphere, people will get extremely upset and stressed about almost anything. I also think we are pretty understanding as we are all experiencing ups and downs. Personally speaking, the holidays have made me more sensitive to babies and happy families. Say what you will but I cannot handle it right now. I was supposed to have my first baby by x-mas and now I won't even be pregnant. A picture of an ultrasound feels like a punch in the gut. I am hopeful this will change as time goes by and I am able to carry a successful pregnancy.
Do you know her? She certainly stirred up a hornet's nest here.
PAL/PGAL Welcome
No, she's not...there are two similar names. adamwife is the nut, at least I am pretty certain of that. I'm really certain adamswife meant well. It just hit me very, very wrong.
ah, you are right, wrong one