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Can a shrink/counselor help with this?
I'm having continued difficulty dealing with the BF issue emotionally speaking. Even though in my head I know that it's not my fault and it's not for lack of trying, I can't seem to move past the negative emotions. That feeling is with me all the time, and it's affecting other parts of my life now. I can't talk about it without crying. I feel flawed and completely broken. The feelings of inadeqacy are sometimes unbearable.
My concern is that if I seek professional help, that person won't be able to help much if they've never been through anything like this. I just think the feelings of not being able to trust your body to do what it's supposed to do are so odd that it's hard to see how anyone could help. Or maybe I'm just terrified that the feelings will never go away no matter what I do. am I just being irrational? Do I need to just give it a whirl? (yes I realize I just asked the internet if I need professional help....
)
I'm sorry everything I post these days is just whining about my BF issues. I'm honestly not looking for sympathy or anything. I just need to vent and bounce around ideas and thoughts.Sorry if I'm a debbie downer.
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Re: Can a shrink/counselor help with this?
I saw a great therapist for a while, and sometimes - even on days that she didn't really help via suggestions or advice - just talking to somebody outside of my typical circle was a huge help. She was unbiased, and there to just listen to me.. and that felt good. Of course, her advice and suggestions were a big help too - but sometimes just the talking can be therapeutic.
If you'd like the lady's name that I used to see, you know how to reach me. I seriously love that gal! If I could afford it, I'd go talk to her every week.
And of course, I hope things turn around for you very soon.
The O'Baby Blog
I am so so sorry :-( Yes, I think talking to a professional may be able to help. It's worth a try! I know you already know this ... but I just want to say it again: this is NOT your fault. And if you decide to go the formula route, you are still a fabulous mother.
I've said this many times, and I'm going to say it again: My sister and I were both formula feed. My sister was valedictorian of her HS class, graduated magna *** laud from college and made law review her first year in law school (very rare). She is a genius. But she is also very "social." And I didn't turn out too terribly bad.
Not that I understand what you're going through with this particular issue, but I really think that if any issue is consuming your life so much as this is, then you owe it to yourself and your family to try. Maybe your LC, doctor, or CNM can give you a rec for someone who is familiar with these sorts of issues?
I hope things get better for you soon!
BFP 12.20.2010 :: missed m/c 1/2011 around 8 weeks
BFP @ 9dpo 5.24.2011 :: missed m/c 6/2011 around 7 weeks
positive for ANAs (1:40) with a speckled pattern
MTHFR c677t mutation (heterozygous)
*folic acid, baby asprin, Prometrium, acupuncture, Lovenox*
BFP @ 9dpo 2.1.2012 || HCG = 8 : Progesterone = 19.2
2nd HCG @ 11dpo = 40 || 3rd HCG @ 21dpo = over 5000!
Stick, little one, stick! EDD October 15, 2012
This. I also agree with the above poster about FF... formula is great and your baby will learn, thrive and grow whether she is FF or BF.
I'm sorry CJ.
Yes! And I understand how you feel WRT your body failing you. I cried many times during our struggles with IF thinking that my body had failed me. We just had to get our daughter in way that we weren't originally planning to (lots of shots and an IUI). You may have to feed your daughter in a way that you weren't originally planning to, but I think we both had good outcomes- beautiful children!
I think it is much harder when you are dealing with postpartum hormones too. I was a wreck thinking that I had caused my BFing problems by failing to give birth without the epi. I blamed myself and had a hard time thinking of anything but the fact that I had given up. Now a few months later I am still disappointed, but I do not dwell on it to the point that I can't sleep. I think that talking to someone is a great idea.
(((Hugs)))
(((hugs))) I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time. I know how much you wanted natural childbirth and to breastfeed. If you are having a really hard time, then yes, I think talking to someone about it could definitely be beneficial. If a counselor is dismissive of your emotions because it's "just" breastfeeding, then the counselor is the one with the problem, not you.
In addition to perhaps talking to someone, I would also gently encourage you to focus on Annabelle and on enjoying her babyhood as much as possible. Don't allow yourself to be so stressed over the milk issues that you end up missing out on all the wonderful little baby moments.
If you do get to a point where you need to stop bfing and go with formula instead, please do not feel like you have "failed" in some way. From what you've posted here, it sounds like you have tried everything. You are a great mama, you are doing a great job for your little girl. Tell yourself that, because it sounds like you need to hear it.
Meredith, 6-1-06 and Alex, 11-5-09
The O'Baby Blog
P.S. I agree with Mrsrosie... you may want to start by calling Sheryl at Special Addition if you haven't talked to her already. That woman was my lifeboat for a looooooong time. I totally got my $90 worth of the visit fee! Whereas she isn't a therapist, per se, she has a really understanding and comforting way about her. It might be a good start!
Yes! I haven't read through the replies, but I highly highly highly recommend Carrie Contey. she specializes in all things baby, parenting, etc. She has helped me so much in so many ways and my good friend (who i told you about when you did my makeup last weekend
) who's 2nd child had terrible reflux and she had to quit BF'ing. she got her through it. I love Carrie.?
?
https://www.earlyparenting.com/about/?
I've seen Cheryl multiple times for help, and she was the one that even after the first visit, shrugged her shoulders and said that, "Oh well, some women just don't make enough milk." I was pretty put off after that.
One thing I have learned from this board actually is that it is okay to interview counselors. Going to seek professional help doesn't mean you have to stick with the same person you get in the very beginning. If you don't gel with that person because they don't have experience with BFing or being a mother or whatever reason that causes you not to get along, it is OK to seek out someone else. And it is okay when you first meet with a counselor to ask questions about their style, their philosophies, etc. and decide whether or not you want to keep seeing them. You are not bound to seeing that counselor and that counselor only just because you've had an initial meeting with them. I think a major barrier to seeing a professional is the fear that they just won't help, because we lead ourselves to believe that seeing one counselor is like seeing every counselor, if one can't help us, then no one can. But it's like any other doctor, they each have their specialties, and you are always entitled to a second opinion. So I say give it a go and see, the worse that can happen is that it doesn't fit for you and you've wasted an hour of your time. But the best outcome is that you gel with someone and they help you address the difficult time you've been having with BFing from an emotional standpoint.
You can do it!
CJ, I just started seeing a therapist (for other issues, obviously) and while it is not what I expected at all, it is so helpful. I worried about seeing a male who wouldn't "get" what I was going through, but the therapy isn't really about fixing a specific issue, it's more about changing the way you think about the issues, if that makes sense.
If you want to talk to someone going through the therapy process right now, please PM me your eamil and I'll email you about my experiences/thoughts in more detail.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
You should definitely talk to a professional. I understand about "knowing" things in your head, but your feelings/emotions being completely the opposite, and you have no idea of how to be "okay" with the way things are turning out. Does that long sentence make sense?
A friend of mine had a terrible time coming to terms with her first birth. She wanted a home birth and ended up being transferred. It was very traumatic and she just couldn't get past it. Plus, they also had the tongue-tied/bf-ing issues. After months of depression/emotional issues and the extremes of loving her daughter so much she couldn't look at her/hold her without crying to the other extreme of resenting her (which made her even more upset for feeling that way). Every new mom has these emotions at some point, but hers were long-lasting/months. Long story short, she sought help and it did wonders for her! So, I definitely think a professional can help you. I think she spoke with a doula with a psychology background. I'll try to get her info for you. I'm not sure that this person would be a "match" but like cia suggested, you can "interview" her or atleast have a phone consult.
Serious hugs to you!
CJ I went through the same exact feelings. I knew that it wasn't my fault. I knew that I shouldn't have compared myself to my sister (who was able to bf after having just lost our father) and my BFF who was able to do it with all the stress of being a single mom. I knew in my head all of that, but in my heart I felt like the biggest failure. I knew that formula was okay, but that was not what I was supposed to do. I was a woman and I was supposed to be able to feed my son and he was supposed to gain weight. I cried and cried and cried.
I know exactly what you are feeling right now. I wish I had been able to try everything you have. We just couldn't afford it. I did feel better when I talked with people about it. So, I think if you can afford going to someone, it really helps to talk to someone--someone who is unbiased and not connected to you--then they can be honest and truly help. And if you need anything or want another person to talk to who felt the exact same way, please pm me.