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JennyAnne022776
member
Anyone been through the annulment process?
JennyAnne022776
member
Just wondering...I have a question if anyone has been through the process, but I don't want to bother typing everything if nobody has been through it.
TIA!
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Re: Anyone been through the annulment process?
Hi Cathy! So nice to see you!! I love seeing a familiar face...I get lost around here at times.
Yes, actually it is for me, but it is for my previous marriage. I guess I didn't think about how that would look when I posted that just now.
I was married for five years and divorced for a few before I got married to DH. He is Catholic, I am not, and we were not willing to wait for the annulment to drag on and on. We got married outside the Catholic church, but processed the annulment anyway so we could have the marriage blessed at a later time.
Anyway, just got a letter saying that the annulment was rejected, and I can't understand why. Of course, his priest is (again) out of town, and there is nobody else there for me to talk to. Just had a question and was wondering if someone here might be able to answer it.
Thanks for your concern though! Hope all is well with you.
Hi there! I just received a letter saying that my annulment was rejected. I thought one of the grounds for an annulment was (basically) fraud. My ex decided after we were married that he didn't want to have kids. I guess I'm not understanding why this is not grounds for an annulment and was wondering if anyone was familiar with Catholic tribunal law.
Ah, got ya! All is still well with you and your man so that's all good
I was about to get all worried! Nice to see you too. I am not around much but am today.
GL with getting that sorted, I know a few people who had a rough go with it but finally did in the end.
Thanks Cath! I've unfortunately already had a rough go of it. I've filled out multiple questionnaires, had friends, family, and my ex (and his family) contacted, spent hours on this process, only to be rejected. I'm religious, but I'm honestly finding this all to be a bit ridiculous.
Vent over. Hope all is well and that you're around more! I'm thinking that a cruise over to TTTC or Infertility is probably in my near future.
Annulments are tough to get! I am pretty sure the rules and regs vary by state, so I think this needs to be a legal question.
I've never had an annulment, but I've been to lectures on them. Plus, my priest is amazing. I'd be more than happy to email him if you want me to. I guess my gut reaction would have been that not being open to children would be grounds for annulment, so I would have been suprised as well.
I have not been thru the process, but I am Catholic and am pretty sure what you've explained is defintely grounds for annulment. The Catholics are all about having kids and it was talked about excessivley during our Pre Cana wedding prep stuff. I am really surprised you got rejected.
BFP #1 11/28/09 ~ EDD 8/6/10 ~ DS Born 8/9/10
BFP #2 8/27/13 ~ EDD 5/8/14 ~ Natural MC 9/18/13 at 6 weeks, 6 days
BFP#3 3/28/14 ~ EDD 12/7/14 ~ DD Born 11/21/14
BFP#4 6/15/17 ~ EDD 2/20/18
Why would they vary state by state if it's through the Catholic church? They are governed by tribunal law, not state or federal laws.
There is a process before the marriage. where the priest sits down with you individually, and asks if you are going into the marriage honestly, etc etc.
I am sure you did that?
I don't know the laws very well, but my understanding is that that can sometimes form part of the cornerstone of the annulment, if he lied to the priest in the marriage prep stuff.
(Or so my friend who got an annulment told me).
GL.
Annulments through the Church are different from legal annulments. Fraud is grounds for a legal annulment but not necessarily for one through the Church. There are a lot of components to getting a marriage annulled through the Church. It sounds like you got through all of the witness statements, psych evals, and tribunal meetings. I'm not sure what your situation was in filing but the Church will send all of the same paperwork to your ex so that he has a chance to rebut what you said. They then take both sides of the story and try to make a decision. They may have even taken into consideration that you went ahead and got married before the annulment was completed.
My best advice would be to call your tribunal advocate (the "lawyer" that was assigned to your case) and ask for a more detailed explanation. You may have grounds to appeal the decision.
I would also warn that not all annulments are the same. For instance, my annulment had a vetitum placed on it. This meant that when I was ready to marry again, I had to go through an extra process with the tribunal to have it lifted.
I'm sorry it isn't a cut and dried answer for you.
That's so sweet of you! I appreciate it, but the priest will be back at some point next week. He always seems to be out of town when the church has given me some sort of deadline to abide by.
I am just very confused. At the time of marriage, I thought my ex wanted to have kids. When the time came several years later, I was put off repeatedly until he finally admitted that he had changed his mind about wanting to have kids. I honestly don't know how that isn't fraud, or what the Catholic church would have expected me to do in that situation. Stay married and not have kids? I'm so confused and tired of jumping through hoops for no reason. My DH, by virtue of never having been married, has had to do nothing and the church won't talk to him about it. I'm am sort of being made to feel like I am an unworthy individual.
I know exactly how you feel. I went through all of the same emotions. Honestly, it made me really take stock of how I felt about my religion. I came very close to leaving the church over it.
It isn't considered fraud to the church because at the time of marriage, his intention was to have children. That intention changed after you were married. The church would not speak with your current husband about the procedings because he was not a part of your first marriage. Unless your current husband knew your and your ex-husband as a couple, the church would not need to hear from him.
Thanks so much for your response! I guess I will just have to wait until DH's priest gets back into town next week. If they are unhappy that we got married before the annulment, I guess they need to talk to DH because he's the one that didn't want to wait (and he's the Catholic party, not me). Honestly, it doesn't matter to me because I'm not allowed to participate in anything anyway as far as communion and things like that, so this doesn't effect me. But I feel kind of bad for DH right now.
This is what I was thinking too. But then when I did research online, it indicated that behaviors committed during the course of the marriage would be considered to be a "symptom" of something that already existed at the time of marriage. I guess that's where my confusion is. I understand what you mean about taking stock of your religion. DH has done the same. And as I told him, if he ever had any hopes of me joining the church, those are long, long gone. I feel as if I'm not worthy enough to be married to him. It is not a good feeling. Thank you so much for your help and thoughts!
My Aunt went through a very similar thing many many years ago. My Uncle is Greek Orthodox, so when they got married she got her marriage annulled there and basically gave up on the Catholic Church.
Edit: To clarify, she got her marriage annulled in the Greek Orthodox Church because she was denied so many times in the Catholic Church.