Vent: It drives me crazy when DH milks being upset

KSEDmini · November 2009

Last night I got frustrated with him for something he did. It was something that normally would have frustrated me, but my fuse was shorter than usual. I apologized twice to him last night and said that I was sorry that I got frustrated so quickly with him. He sulked ALL last night and this morning. When he came out this morning he didn't even say good morning (I said it to him) and he didn't thank me for the breakfast I made. I went into his office and said "What? No good morning? No thank you for breakfast?" Then as he was getting ready to leave for work he said "I'm leaving now". I got up to give him a hug and a kiss and he didn't even come to me for one. I reminded him to and then he was all limp with his hug. I said "hey, don't be a sour puss" and gave him a kiss. Then he tells me, "well, I'm still upset about last night." I said "Okay, you can choose to be upset all day. I gave you two sincere apologies. I'm not sure what else you want me to do. I'm not going to dwell on it." He said "Fine, but you should know that I was crying last night" and then he immediately shut the door to storm off." Really? WTF?

kdiguise · November 2009

Hmm, sorry. He sounds like he's being a bit of a baby!

AbJams · November 2009

Geeeeeez, what did you DO? Whatever, what you said to your DH is true. You apologized twice... what else can you do?

jennairv13 · November 2009

He really shouldn't act like that. He's acting childish. It does nothing but wound your relationship. The problem could have been over and done with last night... but since it had to extend into the next day, it allows the original problem to become a MUCH larger problem and inflict damage upon your relationship that doesn't even need to be there.

Have you ever asked him what he thinks he's going to achieve by acting like this? All it's going to do is make you both more upset. He should only want to act in ways that help the relationship, not ways that damage it.

MWoodside · November 2009

that sounds ridiculously dramatic of him. men can be such babies.

AlexJ217 · November 2009

Im sorry. It sounds like you did all you can do. Sometimes I wish DH could be pregnant and hormonal for a few days, just so he understands the craziness I feel sometimes. Im sure time will heal everything and he will come home fine. Im sorry.

KSEDmini · November 2009

AbJams:
Geeeeeez, what did you DO? Whatever, what you said to your DH is true. You apologized twice... what else can you do?

I asked him what his ethnicity was and he gave me a funny look and said "white". I said, "I know that. I mean specifically, where is your family from?" He said "Would you like to rephrase your question?" I replied "No". He said, "you want to ask me what my heritage is". I said "Fine, you understand my question, are you going to answer it?"

And then he kept saying over and over again "do you understand the difference between heritage and ethnicity? Are you going to rephrase the question?" And I got irritated and said "YES! I know the difference. You understand my question, are you going to answer it?" And then he got mad that I was getting frustrated that he wouldn't just answer the question.

MWoodside · November 2009

Ksed:

AbJams:
Geeeeeez, what did you DO? Whatever, what you said to your DH is true. You apologized twice... what else can you do?

I asked him what his ethnicity was and he gave me a funny look and said "white". I said, "I know that. I mean specifically, where is your family from?" He said "Would you like to rephrase your question?" I replied "No". He said, "you want to ask me what my heritage is". I said "Fine, you understand my question, are you going to answer it?"

And then he kept saying over and over again "do you understand the difference between heritage and ethnicity? Are you going to rephrase the question?" And I got irritated and said "YES! I know the difference. You understand my question, are you going to answer it?" And then he got mad that I was getting frustrated that he wouldn't just answer the question.

Ok you have GOT to be kidding. That is not even worth being mad about at all. If you can't speak openly w/o worrying about offending your spouse (and I really don't understand why he was offended quite frankly) than who can you speak feely in front of?

KSEDmini · November 2009

jennairv13:
Have you ever asked him what he thinks he's going to achieve by acting like this? All it's going to do is make you both more upset. He should only want to act in ways that help the relationship, not ways that damage it.

See, the thing is it DOESN"T make me more upset. I choose to ignore it. (I think that upsets him even more.)

If I have done everything I can within reason to make it up to him and he chooses to dwell, I'm not going to allow myself to be sucked in with him. I just tell him I love him, I've done everything I can to make it up to him, and when he's ready to forgive me he can come talk to me.

There is no sense in trying to discuss something with someone when they are being and irrational child.

MotherBucker · November 2009

Hand him a tampon. He is obviously on his period.

AbJams · November 2009

Ksed:

AbJams:
Geeeeeez, what did you DO? Whatever, what you said to your DH is true. You apologized twice... what else can you do?

I asked him what his ethnicity was and he gave me a funny look and said "white". I said, "I know that. I mean specifically, where is your family from?" He said "Would you like to rephrase your question?" I replied "No". He said, "you want to ask me what my heritage is". I said "Fine, you understand my question, are you going to answer it?"

And then he kept saying over and over again "do you understand the difference between heritage and ethnicity? Are you going to rephrase the question?" And I got irritated and said "YES! I know the difference. You understand my question, are you going to answer it?" And then he got mad that I was getting frustrated that he wouldn't just answer the question.

Ok, that is not even something you should have to apologize for ONCE let alone TWICE. But I know how these things go. I was thinking you actually throat punched him or something. You know, something WORTH crying over.

KSEDmini · November 2009

MWoodside:
Ksed:

AbJams:
Geeeeeez, what did you DO? Whatever, what you said to your DH is true. You apologized twice... what else can you do?
I asked him what his ethnicity was and he gave me a funny look and said "white". I said, "I know that. I mean specifically, where is your family from?" He said "Would you like to rephrase your question?" I replied "No". He said, "you want to ask me what my heritage is". I said "Fine, you understand my question, are you going to answer it?"
And then he kept saying over and over again "do you understand the difference between heritage and ethnicity? Are you going to rephrase the question?" And I got irritated and said "YES! I know the difference. You understand my question, are you going to answer it?" And then he got mad that I was getting frustrated that he wouldn't just answer the question.

Ok you have GOT to be kidding. That is not even worth being mad about at all. If you can't speak openly w/o worrying about offending your spouse (and I really don't understand why he was offended quite frankly) than who can you speak feely in front of?

He wasn't offended. He was just being annoyingly technical. The whole thing was lame.

KSEDmini · November 2009

MotherBucker:
Hand him a tampon. He is obviously on his period.

Indeed.

jennairv13 · November 2009

Is it necessary for him to be so condescending?

Sounds like he was the one in the wrong in the first place!! He could have just answered your question besides repeatedly pointing out your mistake.

Does he realize "white" isn't an ethnicity?

emily0829 · November 2009

Ksed:

AbJams:
Geeeeeez, what did you DO? Whatever, what you said to your DH is true. You apologized twice... what else can you do?

I asked him what his ethnicity was and he gave me a funny look and said "white". I said, "I know that. I mean specifically, where is your family from?" He said "Would you like to rephrase your question?" I replied "No". He said, "you want to ask me what my heritage is". I said "Fine, you understand my question, are you going to answer it?"

And then he kept saying over and over again "do you understand the difference between heritage and ethnicity? Are you going to rephrase the question?" And I got irritated and said "YES! I know the difference. You understand my question, are you going to answer it?" And then he got mad that I was getting frustrated that he wouldn't just answer the question.

It sounds to me like HE got snappy first. You are a much better woman than I am for saying sorry in the first place.

What an idiotic thing to be defensive over!

MWoodside · November 2009

Ksed:
MWoodside:
Ksed:

AbJams:
Geeeeeez, what did you DO? Whatever, what you said to your DH is true. You apologized twice... what else can you do?

I asked him what his ethnicity was and he gave me a funny look and said "white". I said, "I know that. I mean specifically, where is your family from?" He said "Would you like to rephrase your question?" I replied "No". He said, "you want to ask me what my heritage is". I said "Fine, you understand my question, are you going to answer it?"

And then he kept saying over and over again "do you understand the difference between heritage and ethnicity? Are you going to rephrase the question?" And I got irritated and said "YES! I know the difference. You understand my question, are you going to answer it?" And then he got mad that I was getting frustrated that he wouldn't just answer the question.

Ok you have GOT to be kidding. That is not even worth being mad about at all. If you can't speak openly w/o worrying about offending your spouse (and I really don't understand why he was offended quite frankly) than who can you speak feely in front of?

He wasn't offended. He was just being annoyingly technical. The whole thing was lame.

Why would he cry then if he wasn't offended?

bigalb25 · November 2009

sounds like my husband.? he got really mad at me one time about something stupid but it turned out he was really feeling left out about the baby and stressed about money.? maybe yours is really upset about something else and doesn't realize it.? or maybe he's got sympathy pregnancy symptoms.? that's my new favorite theory for my hubby's moodiness.? just trying to be like me.?

)??

KSEDmini · November 2009

MWoodside

I'd quote but it's getting ridiculously long.

He wouldn't get offended for me saying ethnicity instead of heritage. He cries if I have hurt his feelings. Me getting frustrated quickly hurt his feelings.

leneae10 · November 2009

wow, that sounds really high maintenance. i couldn't deal if my DH was like that... not super useful advice, but maybe he's just stressed?

blopez75 · November 2009

Ksed:
MWoodside:
Ksed:

AbJams:
Geeeeeez, what did you DO? Whatever, what you said to your DH is true. You apologized twice... what else can you do?
I asked him what his ethnicity was and he gave me a funny look and said "white". I said, "I know that. I mean specifically, where is your family from?" He said "Would you like to rephrase your question?" I replied "No". He said, "you want to ask me what my heritage is". I said "Fine, you understand my question, are you going to answer it?"
And then he kept saying over and over again "do you understand the difference between heritage and ethnicity? Are you going to rephrase the question?" And I got irritated and said "YES! I know the difference. You understand my question, are you going to answer it?" And then he got mad that I was getting frustrated that he wouldn't just answer the question.

Ok you have GOT to be kidding. That is not even worth being mad about at all. If you can't speak openly w/o worrying about offending your spouse (and I really don't understand why he was offended quite frankly) than who can you speak feely in front of?
He wasn't offended. He was just being annoyingly technical. The whole thing was lame.

Eeeek! "Annoyingly technical" sounds like "anal" to me. Looks like when the baby is born, you're gonna have to take care of yourself, the baby AND this big ol' baby/husband of yours. Sorry hon'.

RivieraMaya05 · November 2009

You may want to go ahead and read "Baby proofing your marriage". I didn't notice if this was your first baby or not but if it's a first, it's gonna rock his world. If that made him cry, I feel sorry for him. While the road ahead is totally rewarding and amazing, it's also filled with many feelings and issues you'd never think existed.

blopez75 · November 2009

RivieraMaya05:
You may want to go ahead and read "Baby proofing your marriage". I didn't notice if this was your first baby or not but if it's a first, it's gonna rock his world. If that made him cry, I feel sorry for him. While the road ahead is totally rewarding and amazing, it's also filled with many feelings and issues you'd never think existed.

Hellz yeah! I hear ya fellow Bumpie!

raygan · November 2009

Honestly, men can't stand when they arn't center of attention and they can never look at things through someone else's eyes. So what if you got snappy does he apologize cause your bitchy pregnant and exahusted etc. They can never just think "o.k. she was short with me but she does have to walk around all day uncomfortable, hormone raging etc, so who has it worst?" No it's about him. Trust me my DH is wonderful but this is something i am constantly trying to teach him. Hope it gets better.

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