Question for mamas with kiddos at home

heathergirl67 · November 2009

My bff is due at the end of december/ early january. I haven't been as close with her during her pregnancy as I would have liked to be. It just hurts too bad. But thankfully I have no problem with seeing babies at all. So I want to make up for it by being super helpful after the baby is born. I am already arranging dinners to be delivered to her and her DH for the first few weeks after the baby is born. Hopefully there will be enough for leftovers that they can just heat up for lunch too. After the first week I also plan on going over once or twice a week to clean whatever she needs cleaned. I already asked if she'd be comfortable with this and she said yes. I plan on offering to watch the baby for a couple of hours so that she can nap (I'm a liscenced child-care provider) but I really don't expect her to accept that. I don't know why, but I just get the feeling that the moms want to be left to take care of their babies by themselves at first. But if not, my offer is out there to her.

Can you think of anything else that I'm missing? What have I not thought of that would have been really helpful to you?

1. Dinners delivered weeks 1 and 2. Should I add a third week? Or fourth?

2. Cleaning twice a week from weeks 2-4. Is that enough? Or too much?

3. Offer to babysit so she can nap/take a bath/do whatever she wants twice a week from weeks 2-8. Enough?

I figure family will be there often the first week, so that's why I'm taking it easy with offering services then. I don't want them to be overwhelmed with people. And we'll be hanging out a lot once she's recovered, so I can guage what she needs just from our conversations.

M0815 · November 2009

You're a good friend Charlie Brown

Kel&Jay · November 2009

I don't really have any input on your questions. I just wanted to tell you I think that's a very sweet thing to do for your friend.

jhasselt · November 2009

M0815:
You're a good friend Charlie Brown

I second this!

heathergirl67 · November 2009

M0815:
You're a good friend Charlie Brown

Word. I want to be so helpful that her other friends look like they're trying to poison her baby in comparison.

bebeblues · November 2009

I think that sounds like a really good plan. Much more than was done for me! I had a c-section w/dd , and I DEF. needed the extra help around the house for the first couple weeks. Dh was home w/me and tried to do most of it, but it's still not as good as a woman's touch.

Just monitor how much time they're getting to be alone as a family too----for me, I had constant visitors and little help. I would've like it the other way around. I'd like to have had short visits and more help........just a thought....

ps---can u be my friend when I get ku again?? Pretty sure I'll be scheduling a repeat c-section (laboring again and then failing scares the crap out of me).......I could sure use you when/if I get that bfp!!!

ERICA21779 · November 2009

Sounds like you are planning to go above and beyond. What an AWESOME friend you are!

KelzinBoston · November 2009

All of that sounds awesome, you are an amazing friend.

I know my biggest things I needed help with was eating and sleeping. Bringing food is fantastic. We had A LOT of visitors the first week, and one of my BFF's showed up with 8 pizzas, a case of beer and a few things of soda to feed everyone and I wanted to open mouth kiss her. I also had a few friends offer to come by so I could sleep, but honestly I was just happy for some adult interaction (it can feel a little isolating at first). My MIL did come by a few times to let me sleep. She just held the baby and watched tv and I slept and showered and it was heaven.

I say go by her lead, she must know how great of a friend you are, so I'm sure she'll be happy to have the help, especially if her DH is going back to work quickly.

momagain2009 · November 2009

You're so thoughtful!

Many moons ago, when I had DD, there were a few people that dropped off food for the first week. That was it. I didn't expect more but it would have been nice to have it spread out the first few weeks.

I've been giving my friends the gift of a clean house for the first month (but I've hired my cleaning lady to do it.) And I drop off food for two nights. They all seem to appreciate just that amount, but what you have planned is a life saver!

You're a great friend!

K2thaT · November 2009

i would be honored to have an IRL friend like you. that sounds like it will be a HUGE relief for her. you are awesome Heather.

KelzinBoston · November 2009

ALSO new Moms constantly need things from the store/grocery store/baby store and my DH was constantly running around doing all of this and I felt bad. I wanted him to have time to sleep and relax and enjoy his new baby and instead he was dealing w/ visitor, catering to my every need (I couldn't walk well, major stitches), running to the store etc...

So chat with her DH too...see if you can run some errands, especially the not so manly ones (pads, nursing bras, pump parts etc).

sydney0928 · November 2009

You're a great friend!

I just wanted to suggest for the food: make sure at least some of it can be frozen for later. When I got out of the hospital this summer, we had so much food we couldn't eat it all and some of it went bad. The stuff I could freeze- casseroles, frozen pizzas, etc, was great because we could break it out later. We had a lot of visitors too for a while but it just couldn't all get eaten.

cintim · November 2009

That is a great help and you are a great friend!

The babysitting is a great thing to do.

Honestly, the only thing I'd add is to be there for her when (if) she goes through the post pregnancy hormones. I had my DD during DH's busy season and I just remember my friend coming over with pizza to keep me company and sane.

You're a sweetheart!

MollyK0222 · November 2009

Those ideas are great and you're a great friend.

One thing I would add is one of my BFFs brought us a pizza while we were in the hospital. Our hospital food sucked and I even missed a couple of the mealtimes b/c of when DD was born and I was STARVING. It'd be awesome to just bring her her favorite takeout (and some for her DH too)!

B2BMN · November 2009

I don't have any little ones, but reading this post made me tear up. You're an awesome friend...and it inspired me to think of some sweet ways to help my SIL when she delivers baby #2 in March.

Your friend is lucky to have you

princesscb22 · November 2009

wow!!! I wish I had a friend like you!! My friends and family were all MIA for the 1st 2-3 months, and I could've really used the support!

personally, I would've LOVED the dinner idea!! Having dinners made ahead so I didn't have to do it would've been a huge help!!!

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