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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Rehabs/Interventions any insight?
I'm looking into finding rehabs for my H. I'm going to give him his option to either check into rehab or Nicholas and I are leaving but I want to have the information to put in front of him at that time. I know if I don't have it together, he's not going to find it on his own. My Mom told me that health insurance will pay for rehab and that your job can't fire you if you're going thru rehab. Does anyone know if this is true?
I'm also trying to decide if an intervention at that time is wise. I know that H doesn't respect my feelings or opinions that he needs help but I'm wondering if other family or friends present these feelings to him that he might decide that he needs help. I'm worried though about letting the whole family know about his issues and the embarrassment and anger that will come as a result of that.
Any insight, experience, or advice would be appreciated.
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Re: Rehabs/Interventions any insight?
Call his insurance and find out what is covered. I have heard that you can't be fired if you're seeking treatment.
BM (my stepsons' bio mom) has been in rehab multiple times, but we don't know who has been paying for it.
Sorry your family is going through this. Interventions are rough on everyone involved. A couple of my co-workers realized that our friend had a serious drinking problem & we had been getting reports after she left our office that when she would go out for work functions she would go and sit on random men's laps, she was falling, making crude comments; we believed this was something she would do because we had seen it all before. Me and my girlfriends staged an intervention & it went down really bad because our friend felt like the 4 of us were ganging up on her. After we were through talking our friend left and would not talk to us for years, some of my friends she still doesn't communicate with.
If I had to do an intervention again, I would reach out to my Dr and see if there was anyone he would recommend to help us through this. Interventions and rehab work only when the individual is ready to change. My friend ending up loosing 3 jobs since our intervention because of her drinking, she went from making a 6 figure salary to somewhere around $20,000. My friend is SO smart at what she does but the word is out about her in our industry which just breaks my heart
this is generally true. but it doesnt mean his employer wont find a way to get rid of him later on for 'other reasons'.
your insurance probably will cover an in-patient facility. give them a call and see what your options are. Please look into the program. Not all rehabs treat the true root of addiction. You need to make sure he will be getting psychological help, not just detox.?
but sadly the only helpful advice i can give you is pack your bags and be prepared to leave. even if he enters the rehab to make you happy, it doesnt mean he will stay and they wont keep him. but after reading your posts it doesnt sound like your H is ready to go to rehab.
i'm sorry. my heart is breaking ?for you. i know you are trying to do everything you can to hold your family together. its my opinion and experience that unfortunately its all too true that you cant make him get better. he has to be ready and want to do it on his own. all you can do is support him once he takes that step.
My SIL went to rehab last year. Her insurance paid for some of it, but there was a cut off she hit. And her job also helped with the rehab. They helped her pay for it and held her job for her.
I have to find his insurance card to figure out what plan he has. I can't remember the company name for the life of me. I'm going to try to dig it out tonight.
I fear for his job b/c he drives for a living and it's a pretty cut throat company. They make good money and there's scores of people on waiting lists trying to get his position.
I'm getting myself ready to go. I have all of my paperwork at hand so that I can grab and go. Unless it becomes more dire, I'm going to try to wait until after Christmas b/c I need to get paid a few more times before I leave.
Unfortunately I have accepted that leaving is going to be my ultimate move. Unless of course by some miracle he agrees to rehab, goes in, comes out clean and a 100% changed man and I don't lose my house in the process (rehab = no work = no paycheck= bye bye house).
I am really afraid to contact anyone from his work. I think it would anger him to the point I would fear my safety. He's got a good job and he would look at it as me jeopardizing his income rather than me trying to help him.
People with addictions are protected under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act), so his job should be safe while he gets help. His company also may have an employee assistance program which could be helpful in finding treatment for him.
But, please remember, that you can't force him to want or get help. I hope this works.
Does your company have an EAP - Employee Assistance Program? It is usually a free, confidential service that you can use to find information about what resources are out there.
Are there any allies in his family/friends that you could talk to in confidence? Someone who you can trust to assist you?
Please keep working on your Plan B, though. You need to be ready to roll out, if necessary.
audrey, my H is a driver. I will try to get a hold of him at lunch time and ask him what they would do at his company. I realize it might not be the same - but i am sure there is a standard throughout the industry.
Is he in a union? if he is, then his job is pretty safe. My brother worked for GM and was in and out of rehab for years and never lost his job. They would try to find ways to get rid of him but never had anything good enough to bring to the union.
addiction is a medical condition. i'm pretty sure they cannot fire him for going to rehab. they can fire him over this if they can prove usage through drug and?alcohol?testing. they cant fire him on the suspicion that he has a problem. there's the loop hole. if he goes to rehab before they catch him with something in his system, he probably will not lose his job. they might test him like every other day after that though.
but i agree that you dont want to give them a reason to test him.
when he comes home tonight, just try to get your hands on his medical card. its probably in his wallet, right? is there any mail around the house regarding his insurance?
We have different insurance plans (I'm on one with Nicholas, he's on his own) so I don't know about his EAP. I'm going to try to find some paperwork with his information on it and see if I can find the EAP thru his plan.
If I went to his cousin or one of his friends, I think they could assist but once I make that decision there's no turning back. It's going to probably get ugly if I do that. He will be extremely angry that I tell anyone about his dirty little secret. I am torn because I can't do this alone anymore but to him it would be the ultimate betrayal if I open it up to his family or friends.
Plan B is in the works. I'm just getting my ducks in a row. We will probably be gone by the end of December.
We did an intervention with my BIL (for alcoholism and also addiction to cough syrup- sounds crazy but it was a big problem). It was really hard but he did go voluntarily to rehab. However, insurance only paid for part of it so my in-laws footed the bill. It worked for a while but he relapsed and we've gone through the cycle several times now. But my BILs issues are way beyond just addiction- he also has severe mental illness so I don't think it is at all comparable to your H. However, MIL did give us a very good book to read about dealing with a family member who has addictions, and interventions. When I go home tonight I'll see if I can find it and if I do I'll email you the name.
Good luck with everything. It sounds like you are doing everything right- trying hard to do what you can to keep your family together, but fully understanding that it is beyond your control and prepared to do what is best for DS and leave when you need to. You guys are in my thoughts and if there is anything you need EVER just let me know!
audrey, not to sound uber paranoid, but he wouldnt be reading any of your posts from the nest would he?
?
He is in a union. He's never done anything while at work and he's never gone to work drunk and/or high. He's been lucky they haven't randomly tested b/c I'm sure it's been in his system but he's dodged every bullet imaginable.
I think there's some old letters/cards/provider books in the house somewhere, I'm going to try to see if I can find it tonight
No, he's pretty computer illiterate.
ETA: sorry hit post too soon.
Even if he was reading, none of this is anything he doesn't already know. He has an idea we're going to be leaving at some point b/c he's been told a million times. He knows all of this he just choses to do nothing about it.
I think insurance plans differ on the matter but a quick call can answer that for you.
I think Momma Brown hit the nail on the head - disclosed addictions that are getting help would be protected against termination or retribution, but it doesn't mean that they might not find another reason to terminate down the road.
But really, it's just a job that can be replaced ...his health and your family is most important.
GL girlie, I've been thinking about you.
Cari, Flowers, Toosdai, Tess, EVERYBODY thanks! You ladies have no idea how much your support means to me. It sounds really silly but a lot of days I am able to find na little bit of strength to make it thru because of the responses and care that I find here.
MommaBrown - I would love to be rescued. I really need to be rescued right now. I just don't have anything left anymore.