Clicky (inspired by supernanny show): Spanking

jacksjerseygirl · November 2009

I am catching bits of the show this past week, the mom believes fully in spanking. She believes it is something she 'has to do'.

[Poll]

WaitingForMyMiracle · November 2009

Yes. Depending on the offense and circumstance we will spank.

jenn11980 · November 2009

I am going to do everything I can not to. I was spanked at every little thing and I do not have fond memories of it. I think I was spanked too much, that was my only form of discipline.

piratechick1986 · November 2009

that is exactly how we feel. it will be a mixture of timeout and spanking depending on the offense.

booboo1414 · November 2009

WaitingForMyMiracle:
Yes. Depending on the offense and circumstance we will spank.

Ditto

HappyTNWife · November 2009

I know that as a child I was only spanked a handful of times, but that's all it took. I think it was more the threat of knowing that it was a possibility was what was so effective.

Heather577 · November 2009

I've been there, done that. Yes, I spank....if you could really call it spanking. With my other two, all it took was a firm pat on the butt and they got the point.

mAnYaSha · November 2009

nope, I wasnt spanked and I dont think hurting my son is going to make him understand anything.

jacksjerseygirl · November 2009

Those of you who do/will spank your children:

Do you believe that hitting your child will send a mixed message/bad precedent to them about hitting another person/child when they don't do something that they want?

ljlkm · November 2009

I saw that episode and what I found the most interesting is that she wasn't spanking as a form of discipline. She was spanking to take out her frustration--that was obvious.

jayhawkgirl25 · November 2009

We plan on spanking if need be. I know that time outs never worked on me as a child so my parents spanked and that worked. However, with some children time outs work. I think it just depends on the child and their personality/temperament.

WaitingForMyMiracle · November 2009

ljlkm:
I saw that episode and what I found the most interesting is that she wasn't spanking as a form of discipline. She was spanking to take out her frustration--that was obvious.

I noticed this, too!

To answer JacksJerseyGirl's Q: I'm not really convinced that me spanking him will teach him to hit. I was spanked, as were my siblings, and we did not hit anyone. Ever. (Possibly in fear of being spanked, lol) I know what the research says, though.

I will not be spanking often or with instruments of any sort.

I think those children that hit others b/c they are being hit are being spanked very often and for any little thing. They aren't able to separate the spankings as disciplinary actions and think of them more as day to day life.

jacksjerseygirl · November 2009

ljlkm:
I saw that episode and what I found the most interesting is that she wasn't spanking as a form of discipline. She was spanking to take out her frustration--that was obvious.

Yep. I think that most parents who use hitting as a form of discipline do so from a frustration standpoint often.

For me personally, I can't see how hitting a child is a level headed practice. If you are calm and rational when hitting a child -well, there seems to be something wrong with that to me.

I might also add, that in order to adopt a child (I believe all agencies/states) require signing a statement that no corporal/physical punishments will be used which includes hitting (aka spanking). We will obviously honor this legal document that we signed but - our beliefs from an academic place as well as a personal standpoint direct us to place where hitting is not okay anyway.

Chrysallys · November 2009

We will not be using corporal punsihment with DS. There is a fine line which is too easy to cross.

txbabs111 · November 2009

1) You need an other button. I really don't want to say definitively one way or the other because I haven't decided yet.

2) I was spanked and never, ever thought "Well, since I get spanked, that makes it ok to hit people."

3) I can say that if it was a situation where, for example, DD was reaching for a stove burner that was on, I would probably slap her hand away because that would just be the quickest thing I could think of to keep her from hurting herself. Would you consider that spanking?

Mrs.Carlybella · November 2009

I can only envision us spanking as a swat on a butt if the child does something that can endanger them- such as run into the street. Lots of times children don't understand reasoning, but a swat on the butt (not a smack) can get the point across not to do that.

war_eagle · November 2009

No. I just can't comprehend inflicting physical pain on my child for any purpose. And I agree that doing it in a calm, non-angry manner seems just as wrong as doing it out of frustration. There is something cold and calculating about that.

avakatesmama · November 2009

Wow I was surprised when I clicked the poll and more people answered yes they'll spank! I'll stay out of your houses if you stay out of mine, but I really want to reinforce positive discipline and a peaceful environment and I think physical punishment or even the threat of it does not lead to an open and loving environment. To each their own though

At1stsight · November 2009

Yes, we will spank as an absolute last resort. Spanking is just one tool in our toolbox for discipline and should only be used when other methods won't work.

The example of a child reaching for a hot stove is one, and purposeful, willful disobedience can also sometimes call for it. It should not be used liberally or without an accompanying explanation. I personally believe that spanking should never be done with anything other than a hand.

There is some research that shows, by the way, that when spanking is used judiciously like this that these children tend to do better in school and have less disciplinary issues in school and less run-ins with the law.

jacksjerseygirl · November 2009

At1stsight:

There is some research that shows, by the way, that when spanking is used judiciously like this that these children tend to do better in school and have less disciplinary issues in school and less run-ins with the law.

Please send a link to that research. All journal articles and research articles I have read only indicate otherwise. Not that it will change our position but I would be interested to see the fine print of that research.

flutiefrostie · November 2009

We will not for the reasons you stated. I just don't believe that I can teach my son to be a loving, peaceful individual when my actions say that violence solves problems.

Heather577 · November 2009

I would like to clarify myself. When I spanked my children it was not hard enough to inflict any pain whatsoever. But it was still effective. Once they got to a certain age, I no longer spanked.

CalinsBride · November 2009

I'm not against it in principle, but I think its easy for it to get out of hand and its easy for it to be done in anger, rather than as a form of discipline. So I'd rather not spank my child, to avoid even the possibility of it getting out of hand. Plus, I think the punishment should fit the crime, and should be more creative than just spanking.

ceg2483 · November 2009

I think spankings are appropriate in very rare situations--but they are occasionally appropriate. It should never be done in frustration, it should more mean that a child did something that they CANNOT do again.

I can remember the last time I was spanked. It was when I was five, and I got seperated from my parents at a parent-teacher's conference night. Instead of waiting (like I KNEW I should do) I went out to the parking lot at night to try and find them. I was spanked because this could have led to me being kidnapped, run over, etc. The spanking didn't hurt--it was more to signal the severity of what I did. You bet that if I ever got seperated from my parents again, I would have waited instead of trying to find them.

That being said, I will not use spankings as an everyday punishment.

MrsWanee · November 2009

jacksjerseygirl:

Those of you who do/will spank your children:

Do you believe that hitting your child will send a mixed message/bad precedent to them about hitting another person/child when they don't do something that they want?

i don't think so. my 3 siblings and i were spanked (as were dh and his sibs), and none of us ever hit another kid. we'll only do it when they do something they know is bad and have been warned about before. my parents' biggest reason to spank was for talking back to them.

At1stsight · November 2009

jacksjerseygirl:
At1stsight:

There is some research that shows, by the way, that when spanking is used judiciously like this that these children tend to do better in school and have less disciplinary issues in school and less run-ins with the law.
Please send a link to that research. All journal articles and research articles I have read only indicate otherwise. Not that it will change our position but I would be interested to see the fine print of that research.

Here's a link that summarizes some of the findings and offers citations of a variety of studies: https://faculty.biola.edu/paulp/spare_the_rod.htm

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer, necessarily. Spanking done in a vindictive or abusive way (note how many studies have include straight out abuse under the umbrella of spanking) is obviously awful, and I think failing to intervene with some kind of physical restraint/discipline in certain situations could also be harmful to a child's safety and development.

jacksjerseygirl · November 2009

At1stsight:
jacksjerseygirl:
At1stsight:

There is some research that shows, by the way, that when spanking is used judiciously like this that these children tend to do better in school and have less disciplinary issues in school and less run-ins with the law.
Please send a link to that research. All journal articles and research articles I have read only indicate otherwise. Not that it will change our position but I would be interested to see the fine print of that research.
Here's a link that summarizes some of the findings and offers citations of a variety of studies: https://faculty.biola.edu/paulp/spare_the_rod.htm
I don't think there's a right or wrong answer, necessarily. Spanking done in a vindictive or abusive way (note how many studies have include straight out abuse under the umbrella of spanking) is obviously awful, and I think failing to intervene with some kind of physical restraint/discipline in certain situations could also be harmful to a child's safety and development. This was an international study and it analyzed both cultures in which abusive practices are high and in cultures, like the US, where spanking is often used as a minimal 'disciplinary' tool.

Thanks for the article - I appreciate that it is also an opinion piece of sorts - in that the which the original research was analyzed from a different perspective.

I actually recently read one that was done in which they analyzed the intelligence, IQ, of children/adults that were spanked - even minimally and their scores were 2.5-5 points lower than those who were not spanked. The more spanking the higher the points were lowered.

I think for me, there is a right and a wrong answer for us. I do understand that other parents must make the decision that they feel comfortable with for their families too.

Chrysallys · November 2009

At1stsight:
jacksjerseygirl:
At1stsight:

There is some research that shows, by the way, that when spanking is used judiciously like this that these children tend to do better in school and have less disciplinary issues in school and less run-ins with the law.

Please send a link to that research. All journal articles and research articles I have read only indicate otherwise. Not that it will change our position but I would be interested to see the fine print of that research.

Here's a link that summarizes some of the findings and offers citations of a variety of studies: https://faculty.biola.edu/paulp/spare_the_rod.htm

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer, necessarily. Spanking done in a vindictive or abusive way (note how many studies have include straight out abuse under the umbrella of spanking) is obviously awful, and I think failing to intervene with some kind of physical restraint/discipline in certain situations could also be harmful to a child's safety and development.

That "study" was put out by The Family Research Council an uber conservative group founded by James Dobson. I seriously doubt the study is unbiased. They need to promote their agenda after all.

kmkaull · November 2009

Never. I believe it is an easy way and most parents hit out of frustration. I would rather use a discipline practice that teaches children to cognitively process their behavior. Spanking just seems the easy way out to me.

alina*marie · November 2009

No, I don't hit people.

Peachfor3 · November 2009

jacksjerseygirl:
Those of you who do/will spank your children:
Do you believe that hitting your child will send a mixed message/bad precedent to them about hitting another person/child when they don't do something that they want?

EXACTLY why we won't spank. How could I be upset/discipline a child for hitting when that is what I do to them?! Ridiculously hypocritical. Seriously.

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