- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
Did I overreact?
So it is court ordered that my stbx talk to our daughters Mon, Tue, Thurs, ad Sat on the phone. He maybe does once a week. The last two times he has called, he said hi to the girls and then said heres Jane (his SO, not her real name). It is my personal opinion that these phone calls are there so he can talk to the girls not his SO. He only sees the girls maybe 14 days a year. I called him back after the phone call was over when the girls were not around and told him that the phone calls were there so HE can talk the girls not Jane. He flipped out on me and started cussing at me and so on and so on. Am I wrong? BTW he was courted ordered last month to see the girls w/o Jane. Did I have a right to say something and should I bring it up in mediation next month?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Did I overreact?
Is it court ordered that he HAS to call them, or that you have to ALLOW him to call? DH has it written that he is ENTITLED to Thursday night phone calls at 8pm... but he calls every night.
How serious is his relationship with Jane? I was not included in phone calls with SS until AFTER we were married, and even then I've only talked to SS on phone 3 times. And its always been AFTER dh talks for at least 20 minutes (calls last between 10-40min nightly), and only at SS's request.
I do think its weird, and I would probably mention it at mediation.
Kiddos first - do the girls seem eager to talk with Jane? Do they talk to her better than STBX?
If the girls aren't particularly interested in talking to Jane and the conversation is awkward on either end, then yes, you should tell STBX the girls won't be talking to her much anymore. Every once in awhile, maybe.
However, if the girls easily converse with her and seem to enjoy or at least don't mind talking with her, let it be. STBX might get more out of hearing her talk to them than he would from talking to them. Guys don't "get" how to have a conversation on the phone, especially with kids.
I have a few issues i guess. First, I would have no problem with it if the girls were asking to talk to her. The phone calls are really only with DD#1 because DD#2 is too young (she will be 2 in Jan). Second, the CO before the last one, instructed that if the girls were to be around "Jane" that she had to be supervised. I had mentioned it before but she wrote slanderous thing about me on public forums, she was 16 when they got together 2 years ago...
I guess my biggest issue in it all, is that my ex is my girls father and it seems like everytime he has an opportunity to do so or act like one he pawns off the responsability on others. I have tried to have a positive relationship with his SO (had her over at christmas last year) but she definately acts her age and is not a good influence around my children. She doesnt understand what a respectful role is with my children and has written that she cant wait to "be" mom to my children. She wants to push me out of the situation.
The CO doesnt specify who calls who just what days the phone calls are and what time. Since the CO (Oct 6) he has called maybe 4 times.
So....?
I don't think you overreacted.
Technically, it's his time and he can do what he wants with it, but once he hands off the phone to his SO, I think you're within your rights to end the call at anytime.
Maybe ask that he only put her on the phone once a week (or less!) and tell him that if he feels uncomfortable talking so frequently, he can drop down to fewer phone calls.
Well if it is like you say and he is not bothering to talk at all then there is no point to the calls and you did not over react.
HOWEVER if he is talking and then handing the phone over for the girls to say hi to his gf and it has only happened twice then yea you over reacted, it's his time and really what is the harm if it keeps the peace.