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TTC After a Loss
Laides, I need your thoughts....
I am working on a research paper about Miscarriage and Infant Loss. I would like to include some 'real life' thoughts from women who have experienced this kind of grief.
If you wouldn't mind sharing.... one or all of the following -
How did your loss affect you emotionally and spiritually?
What kind of help or assistance would you have liked to have from your pastor and church family? In what ways could the church support your loss?
Are there ways that your faith has grown or changed during/following your loss and experience with infertility?
Thanks in advance ladies, for sharing your hearts.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Laides, I need your thoughts....
Ditto.
BFP #2- 1/5/10- Baby Jack born at 37w2d, 6lbs 13 oz, 8/24/10
BFP #3- 7/30/11- Baby Boy Due April 3, 2012
I dont' mind sharing.
How did your loss affect you emotionally and spiritually? emotionally, the obvious way, I was completely heartbroken. Spiritually, I was a bit shaken from it for awhile but I've come back.
What kind of help or assistance would you have liked to have from your pastor and church family? In what ways could the church support your loss? Our church didn't even know we were pregnant so we really didn't give them a chance to help out.
Are there ways that your faith has grown or changed during/following your loss and experience with infertility? I went through a period where I was very mad at God, I didn't understand how he could make such wonderful women hurt so much and give other people who I didn't think deserve it babies that they can't take care of. I wondered if He was punishing me for something I may have done earlier in life. And I wanted answers as to why He did this to me. But I've realized that answers weren't going to bring my baby back, they don't make the pain any less, I still lost my baby just like every other woman did on this board. And I came back to understanding that it's ALL in His plan and His time..not mine...I have to have faith that He has reasons for it...reasons I may never get it. He's trying to make me into a better person, he's making me into the mom He wants me to be. I still don't like that it happened...I just have to have faith. I don't have another option.
I hope that helped.
1.) If effected me emotionally because it was something I thought would never happen to me. Almost like I was "above" it happening to me. (No offense girls, I love u all dearly, and I now see my wrong in this)......I had coped w/a lot complications in my life in the 2 yrs leading up to the pregnancy and loss and I questioned why that God would allow that to happen to me on top of everything else.
2.) I think it would've been nice if the church openly asked that all pregnancies be acknowledged for prayer from the beginning. That way everyone felt comfortable sharing their news atleast w/the pastor and church. I also think it would be nice if the church had some sort of commerative memorbilia or cross, or candle of some sort that is used for reflection on those that have had losses. Maybe women that are willing could leave their names/phone#'s for support to other women in the church that are suffering from losses.
3.) My faith has grown and changed GREATLY over the course of the past 3-4 yrs. I'm not sure the loss itself is definitive in my change, but it definately was a large contributor to why I decided that my faith is what will change my life. Not my planning, or trying, or anything else---my FAITH is what will get me through the walk of life that God would have me take.
HTH----let me know if you need anything else!!!!!!
I can tell you that for me it was difficult to go to church after my loss...my husbands father is a pastor and when we went to church right after the loss, the topic was about God only giving you what you can handle and when things are hard in life it only makes you stronger and there is a plan...well I about flipped out in front of everyone.
DH knew I was upset and I just got up and walked out. my Father-in-law knew I was upset and why...he did not blame me for getting upset. I had a hard time for a while with my faith and trusting what happened was God's plan.
Still doesn't seem like it should be Gods plan for any of to go through something like this but its getting easier to trust in him now.
Hope this helps some...
i think it's awesome you are doing a research paper on the topic.
i will think about these answers and will get back with you soon, probably later tonight.
How did your loss affect you emotionally and spiritually?
I work with kids, so emotionally it was very difficult. I had an ectopic, so my time off from work seemed to be for emotional recovery probably more so than physical. It doesn't help when you see a pregnant women at the hospital in her gown outside smoking the day your baby was terminated. Or the day I first went to the hospital and a women is calling one of her five children stupid and to shut up. Spiritually I did question why this would happen. In the last six months it seems like a lot of bad stuff has been happening to my DH and I. Plus almost a year before mine, my sister-in-law had an ectopic. For this to supposedly happen to only 2%, that didn't seem right. Now, a month ago, a co-worker had one. Now, spiritual beliefs is what I hold on to. It's not that god doesn't want me to have a baby, there is just a bigger purpose or meaning to this I may never know. If I am not positive, I can't get through the day.
What kind of help or assistance would you have liked to have from your pastor and church family? In what ways could the church support your loss?
This is difficult because I did not share this with my pastor or church family. I guess that is why they say not to talk about it before 2nd trimester. It is just too hard to talk about with others... at least for now.
Are there ways that your faith has grown or changed during/following your loss and experience with infertility?
As mentioned above, I did do some questioning, but my faith will always be there. If anything, my relationship with DH is stronger.