This might suprise you...

heathergirl67 · November 2009

I don't remember my EDD. I know that it was November 20-something. I know I was 10 weeks when we lost the baby and that was on April 22nd. I have my LMP written down, so I could go look it up, but I choose not to. I've kinda just decided that that date wasn't a significant one in my baby's life. So I think I'm pretty much going to ignore it. It was only important for what should have been, not what was. So I think I'm going to try to focus on the life my baby DID have.

Also, I sometimes joke to DH about our loss. Not about the baby itself, just the situation. For example: DH asked if I thought I'd get morning sickness the next time I got pregnant. I replied, "Well, if this next pregnancy is anything like the last one... it'll be short!" You know what else? I don't feel guilty about making those jokes. I feel like I heal with humor. And it doesn't mean I love my baby any less. Of course I'd never joke about someone else's loss, even privately. But I think it's nice that our baby has fit into our lives the way any other baby would. We joke about EVERYTHING, so we'll definitely be joking about the kids we get to raise. And our first baby too.

ladylaurali25 · November 2009

I think that some people do use humor to deal with things that are hard, there is nothing wrong with that. Especially if it is something you are accustomed to doing. Of course it doesn't make you love your baby any less, it's just easier for you to deal this way.

Hugs to you

ColindaP · November 2009

I joke about it too. Please see: last week's cougar-bait jokes.

Kel&Jay · November 2009

If it was the right way for you and your DH to deal with the situation, then there is nothing wrong with it.

scooter999 · November 2009

ladylaurali25:
I think that some people do use humor to deal with things that are hard, there is nothing wrong with that. Especially if it is something you are accustomed to doing. Of course it doesn't make you love your baby any less, it's just easier for you to deal this way.

Hugs to you

This!

Texas77again · November 2009

using humor to deal is definitely how i deal. i don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. no one can tell anyone else how to grieve.

you know i'm here for you and willing to laugh with you anytime!

momagain2009 · November 2009

DH and I are in the same situation, we joke about everything and have made some lighthearted comments about my pregnancy. It just made it a little easier to deal with.

And the only reason I remember my EDD is because it's Christmas Eve. I may or may not buy an ornament to remember but either way I'll never forget about the baby, even if I do get a BFP someday.

KelzinBoston · November 2009

I was 10 weeks when I lost my baby (April 21) so it's around the same time for us both.

I've gone back and forth about the EDD...see below. I've been feeling guilty I haven't done a thing to commemorate, so I've just been using the EDD as an excuse to do it....but honestly I just want to keep moving forward most of the time...and I think I've done well at this so far. I like the idea of trying to stay focused on the life my baby did have...that put a lot in perspective for me, thank you.

I wouldn't feel guilty making those jokes...DH and I are very similar about how we deal with stuff...and honestly it's how we stay sane through this whole process.

heathergirl67 · November 2009

KelzinBoston:

I was 10 weeks when I lost my baby (April 21) so it's around the same time for us both.

I've gone back and forth about the EDD...see below. I've been feeling guilty I haven't done a thing to commemorate, so I've just been using the EDD as an excuse to do it....but honestly I just want to keep moving forward most of the time...and I think I've done well at this so far. I like the idea of trying to stay focused on the life my baby did have...that put a lot in perspective for me, thank you.

I wouldn't feel guilty making those jokes...DH and I are very similar about how we deal with stuff...and honestly it's how we stay sane through this whole process.

I know what you mean. I think I will commemorate my baby in some way on the year anniversary for getting my BFP. That was an important day for us and one I'd like to continue fondly remembering.

rjl07 · November 2009

I agree with the others - if humor gets you through this then it's absolutely fine to make jokes and take things lightly. It doesn't change your love for the baby or the sadness over the loss one bit.

shall923 · November 2009

My DH and I joke about a lot of stuff like that. We talk about getting pregnant again and refer to the baby as the spawn. He says he hopes the next spawn does what it is supposed to and hangs on. We joke that we are afraid none of our kids will be able to follow directions and hang on.

bebeblues · November 2009

My dh and I joke around about stuff too. I think you have to keep a sense of humor to get through stuff.

You'll get a sticky baby soon!! You gotta! We're the big-family makers, remember!!?!?

ChicagoWeded2007 · November 2009

I think humour is a good thing.

If you heard some of the off-color jokes we tell each other about our baby.... Well, I just don't know if any one would ever talk to me again. You gotta laugh or you cry.

heathergirl67 · November 2009

bebeblues:

My dh and I joke around about stuff too. I think you have to keep a sense of humor to get through stuff.

You'll get a sticky baby soon!! You gotta! We're the big-family makers, remember!!?!?

Exactly! I just wish my ute would jump on board with that plan!

lax15bsu · November 2009

I know my first and second EDDs. But my third? I would have to go look it up. I have it saved somewhere, but I don't know off the top of my head. For some reason, that third pregnancy just wasn't as painful as the first two. Sad to think I'm becoming used to losing babies. I totally know what you mean.

OregonMama · November 2009

I think if humor is the best way for the two of you to heal, more power to you! We all deal with things differently, you know?

jeannette&matt · November 2009

So glad we are not the only one cracking jokes to deal with our loss!

kshields104 · November 2009

I think everyone grieves differently. Humor is a good way to get through things. I was not sick with 1st pregnancy and I tell my DH I hope next time we get pregnant I am sick all the time. At least that way I will feel pregnant, but then the day I am not sick, I will be running to my Dr!!

BabyMimi · November 2009

Humor is such a good way to deal with things. And I don't remember my EDD either. I think it was Jan 10th or 11th but not sure. It wasn't as important to me as the day we got our BFP or the day I miscarried. For some reason those dates have stuck in my mind much more.

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