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Blunt or sugar coated?

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I'm wondering.. When you have arguments / discussions with your DH, do you sugar coat things or are you completely blunt? My husband and I have different ways of expressing ourselves and over the years I've realized that he is the way he is because that's how he was brought up. In his family, people are too afraid of hurting each other's feelings so everything is too sugar coated! I, on the other hand, I'm completely blunt and will say it as it is. If I hurt you, I apologize but that doesn't change the fact of how I feel. It makes it frustrating for us because I think he holds back on a lot of things he might want to tell me for fear of hurting my feeling, when I rather know what he thinks, fix it and move one. Also I have to always find the right words when I'm talking to him because if not he thinks I'm being too harsh or insensitive. Anybody else has this situation? Is not that we have a communication problem, because we don't, we always manage to resolve our misunderstanding, but it just that it frustrates me that he's so puppy and rainbows and I'm extremely blunt.
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Re: Blunt or sugar coated?

  • MrsMommyQMrsMommyQ member

    With DH I always start out with something nice and sugar coated. If he doesnt get it, then I go with blunt.

    When DH is telling me something he is always blunt. I dont think he knows how to sugar coat.

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  • MrsMuckerMrsMucker member
    My DH and I are completely opposite from you two.  I like things sugar coated but my DH is very blunt. He likes to talk about things and sometimes i just like to be mad or i like to think about things first. We both get frustrated with each other when we have arguments.
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  • snatchbubblesnatchbubble
    We only have puppies and rainbows at our house.
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  • locashlocash
    We're exactly the same way that you and YH are. It makes me crazy that everyone in my IL's family tip toes around each other and are so passive aggressive. They'd rather stew over things and complain about it behind the person's back than just get it out there and move on. My family, on the other hand, just throws it out there!
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  • Temp356619000002780Temp356619000002780
    Um no I am blunt with everyone, including DH! DH is also blunt with me. We don't believe in the bulllshiiit or blowing smoke up peoples assses. If we don't like you then we are nice and sugar coat things!
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  • AutumnBride102007AutumnBride102007 member
    same as you. DH is very emotional and will tip-toe around it (unless he's really upset..then he yells. but its still sugar-yells..lol) but i am the complete opposite. I am blunt...but i'm trying to be nicer about it. lol
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  • LnR70707LnR70707 member
    I tend to be pretty blunt and H calls it like he sees it too.


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  • cutebride73cutebride73 member

    I am always blunt - too blunt sometimes.  I am better when I write things out, so sometimes if I really want to get my point across and be "heard" I will write DH a letter or email. 

    We are both stubborn and pig headed, so sometimes we each want to "win" and we get louder and louder until one of us stomps off.  I am then usually the one to go and try to calmly explain myself (put on that counselor hat) and he usually reponds.  Of course, I never actually back down from my point. 

    We have a running joke - I believe that DH gives in to me all of the time and he believes he never gives in.  As long as he keeps thinking that and I know the truth - we are fine.

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  • chuleysnacketychuleysnackety
    Um.. it really depends on what were talking about.. sometimes I have to be blunt and other times i have to add some sugar.. so a little of both..
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  • Temp305315937507972Temp305315937507972

    imagelocash:
    We're exactly the same way that you and YH are. It makes me crazy that everyone in my IL's family tip toes around each other and are so passive aggressive. They'd rather stew over things and complain about it behind the person's back than just get it out there and move on. My family, on the other hand, just throws it out there!
    Isn't it so frustrating? My IL's are so non confrontational that it drives me insane. DH was married to a wacko for 8 years, his whole family hated her and saw how much she hurt him but never said a word until after the divorce because they didn't want to hurt his feelings. Are you serious?! And everything in his family is like that. They see things happening but will never say a thing because everybody is way too sensitive. My family is the opposite, we're really close but we tell you things just the way they are.
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  • BlasianloveBlasianlove member

    M is sensitive and I am not, this causes a ripple in our communication.

    I am a very blunt person in general. Sometimes I try to think about it before I say it outloud but I can not sugar coat some things in order for the person to understand. I think some people do not like hearing the truth and get upset when you tell them point-blank about something.

    I am with you on the understanding each other's point of view thing.

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  • locashlocash
    imagemeycitaa:

    imagelocash:
    We're exactly the same way that you and YH are. It makes me crazy that everyone in my IL's family tip toes around each other and are so passive aggressive. They'd rather stew over things and complain about it behind the person's back than just get it out there and move on. My family, on the other hand, just throws it out there!
    Isn't it so frustrating? My IL's are so non confrontational that it drives me insane. DH was married to a wacko for 8 years, his whole family hated her and saw how much she hurt him but never said a word until after the divorce because they didn't want to hurt his feelings. Are you serious?! And everything in his family is like that. They see things happening but will never say a thing because everybody is way too sensitive. My family is the opposite, we're really close but we tell you things just the way they are.

    Yea, DH's brother is married to a real piece of work, but no one will say anything or stand up to her. And I have been told to play nice (b/c they know I don't do the passive aggressive thing well). So frustrating!

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  • Mr. & Mrs. WoodtickMr. & Mrs. Woodtick member

    I think for both of us it depends on our moods and the topic we are discussing. Most of the time I am just blunt with DH but there are a few topics that I know I have to sugar-coat because of how he will take it.

    DH is the exact opposite. He sugar-coats almost everything, but if I take too long to get his point, he will be blunt about it.


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  • Mrs. BZMrs. BZ
    Both DH and I are blunt.
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  • PinkLove-SPinkLove-S

    imagemeycitaa:
    I'm wondering.. When you have arguments / discussions with your DH, do you sugar coat things or are you completely blunt? My husband and I have different ways of expressing ourselves and over the years I've realized that he is the way he is because that's how he was brought up. In his family, people are too afraid of hurting each other's feelings so everything is too sugar coated! I, on the other hand, I'm completely blunt and will say it as it is. If I hurt you, I apologize but that doesn't change the fact of how I feel. It makes it frustrating for us because I think he holds back on a lot of things he might want to tell me for fear of hurting my feeling, when I rather know what he thinks, fix it and move one. Also I have to always find the right words when I'm talking to him because if not he thinks I'm being too harsh or insensitive.Anybody else has this situation? Is not that we have a communication problem, because we don't, we always manage to resolve our misunderstanding, but it just that it frustrates me that he's so puppy and rainbows and I'm extremely blunt.

     

    Wow! I am in the same exact boat. DH's family is way over the top sugar coat to the point that they say basically whatever will make you feel better and i either don't say anything at all or always say what they don't want to hear. It has caused many IL issues to say the least! Smile 

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  • manda19manda19 member
    I am VERY blunt....especially with DH. But I have to be with him b/c he just wants the details good or bad. :)
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  • Nova726Nova726 member
    imageMrsMommyQ:

    With DH I always start out with something nice and sugar coated. If he doesnt get it, then I go with blunt.

    this, DH is more of a sugar coat guy.  We actually don't fight though.

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  • mellymel12mellymel12 member
    I am super sugar coaty :( And I hate it. I get very anxious about arguments or confrontation of any kind...regardless of who it's between. I sometimes get spurts of being blunt...and DH just holds everything in until I drag it out of him. I dont like these things about both of us and try to work on them little by little!
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  • jsangeljsangel member

    imagemari2003:
    Um no I am blunt with everyone, including DH! DH is also blunt with me. We don't believe in the bulllshiiit or blowing smoke up peoples assses. If we don't like you then we are nice and sugar coat things!

     

    Definitely this! 

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