Mil can't handle watching dd.....

mandolynn81 · October 2009

The plan when I go back to work was my mil. I am going back in a month and we tried twice for her to watch dd when we were around. Once while I was doing housework, and another time I was running errands that dh was outside keeping an ear out. Turns out dh never cried and was a happy baby. And she can't handle my high maintenance little girl. We even tried explaining to her what to do, but she just holds her uncomfortably and gets all flustered which upsets dd and makes her scream at the top of her lungs.

I think dh is going to have to cut back his hours (he usually works 11am-10pm), so that I can go to work in the morning and he can stay with her.?

Anyone else have the same issues??

LittleApple · October 2009

I think you should give your MIL a few more tries. Maybe she is just nervous and needs some more experience?

GL!

lona.hunn@gmail.com · October 2009

I seem to have spent a lot of time around aging parents, and they just seem to get flustered easily. The world moves faster, more technology, more information, and they have trouble coping. My mom is 64 and has watched DS for 12 hours at a time for me, but she is wiped out when I pick him up. I work 3 - 12 hour shifts in a row. My initial plan was to have her watch DS on Friday and DH to take over on Sat and Sun....After I noticed how exhausted and flustered she'd get when he'd have a bad day, I changed my mind. I now have a stay at home mom watch DS on Fridays and my mom just watches him in small increments when I have errands to run or something...

Valerie120408 · October 2009

My mom wasn't going to watch DS, but she came to visit when he was 1 month old and she was going to help - she seemed uncomfortable and although it was great to have her around, she wasn't helpful with the baby. If I were you, I would look for a nanny or a daycare (in-home/center, whichever you are more comfortable with). Your mil can still watch your DD but just for a few hours here and there.

mandolynn81 · October 2009

I think when dd is older and can play more it will be different, but for now I just don't feel comfortable leaving dd with her. My step mom is completly different, she does great with her, but if i have her watch dd, mil will get upset, because she wants to.

Mrs.McLovin · October 2009

What if MIL and your step mom split baby duty? This way MIL gets to watch DD, but won't be tired and frustrated by a full day? Would your step mom go for this?

barkers4jmm · October 2009

mandolynn81:
I think when dd is older and can play more it will be different, but for now I just don't feel comfortable leaving dd with her. My step mom is completly different, she does great with her, but if i have her watch dd, mil will get upset, because she wants to.

You have to do what's right for your DD. If MIL can't handle taking care of her temporarily, how can she do it fulltime? Your MIL needs to grow up because it's not about her. So your MIL would prefer your DH to cut his hours and bring in less income just so she can feel better about herself (given your step mom could help out)?

ak1234 · November 2009

barkers4jmm:
mandolynn81:
I think when dd is older and can play more it will be different, but for now I just don't feel comfortable leaving dd with her. My step mom is completly different, she does great with her, but if i have her watch dd, mil will get upset, because she wants to.

You have to do what's right for your DD. If MIL can't handle taking care of her temporarily, how can she do it fulltime? Your MIL needs to grow up because it's not about her. So your MIL would prefer your DH to cut his hours and bring in less income just so she can feel better about herself (given your step mom could help out)?

I have to agree with this. If your step mom is willing and able to watch DD, you need to do what is best for your new family. MIL will eventually get over it. Just tell her what you have observed - that she seems to be unable to deal with a baby that isn't super easy, and in time, perhaps when DD is older, she can watch her.

tosababy · November 2009

I think it's a lot to expect any parent to be the primary daycare provider, even if they want to do it. Can you find another daycare arrangement and just have your MIL watch your daughter one day a week?

mandolynn81 · November 2009

mil called me and expressed her concern about having full days with dd, so we are going to do half days with dh, he going to alter his schedule a little, but not cut back hours, so that they can watch her together. And then stepmom will do one day a week too - the full day.

I'm so torn though - I want to stay at home with dd, but i also want my income back.

Thanks for all the suggestions.?

jlw2505 · November 2009

One thing to keep in mind is that your MIL might do better with your DD once she is a little older. Some people are just not great with infants but do awsome with toddlers. I know my MIL was never very hands on with either of my kids when they were infants - after around age 9 months, when the girls were more active, she did way better.

HeatherMO · November 2009

I am kind of in the same boat, my mother just doesn't seem to "get it". I don't like my son over at her house because there are a ton of animals, she doesn't keep him on a routine, he is always covered in pet hair when he comes home, miserable, so my husband tries to bid on shifts that are later in the day so my son is only with her for as little time as possible. She loves her grandson and I am grateful that we are not having to pay for day care but man, is it strange when I get excited that my mother doesn't watch my son ??

Mil can't handle watching dd.....

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