How to handle MIL buying us crap we don't need?

oohgrrl11 · November 2009

I am sure she means well but I need it to stop. We have been stuck using some hideous Christmas dishes for 5 years now because she bought this huge set for us. She is always getting us these knick-knacks at garage sales even though we are so not knick-knack people. The other day she told me that she bought us this huge santa claus decoration thingy. I told her she should save her money because our house is on the smaller side, we have like no closets or storage and DH is already having a hard time dealing with all of the stuff we got/need for LO. He is a bit of a minimalist and has been working hard on organizing and accepting the stuff we got. She said "Too bad." She has been known to clean out her house of furniture and stuff and show up at our house with it without asking. Then she has to call us and ask us to borrow money, co-sign her bancruptcy loan, etc because she doesn't have any money! Last night my sister told me that she didn't want to ruin the surprise but that MIL bought us some baby monitors (that were not on our registry) and they are not the ones we had in mind. DH will be staying home with LO when I go back to work. He has had no say in nursery decor or baby stuff but the one thing he was interested in was the monitors. So she gets us these generic no-name ones and no gift receipt. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I am tired of her wasting her money on stuff we don't want. I tried to talk to her but she said "Too bad." Any other ideas?

Mrs.Keith2B · November 2009

Sell the crap on Craigslist and give her the money you earn. Maybe she'll eventually get the picture. It's not like you haven't asked her to save her moeny in the first place.

Or, it could backfire and she'll start bringing you more crap to sell for her.

Either way, good luck!

lilbit923 · November 2009

You MIL knows my MIL. Here I thought I was the only one dealing with mess like this. Geez. My MIL doesn't know how close she is coming to seeing all the sh!t she brings us on Ebay.

dmarabia · November 2009

Tell DH to talk to her. Since its his mom and he's the minimalist, then he should handle it.

SLHurst11 · November 2009

Have a garage sale with all of the crap from her in it. AND NOTHING ELSE! :::evil laugh:::

oohgrrl11 · November 2009

dmarabia:
Tell DH to talk to her. Since its his mom and he's the minimalist, then he should handle it.

He has told her several times to stop but then she gives us the silent treatment for like a month. I don't mind it so much but she always comes back with more junk.

sramasunder · November 2009

dmarabia:
Tell DH to talk to her. Since its his mom and he's the minimalist, then he should handle it.

definitely this! I'd just stay out of it! if she wants to waste her money on crap, and her response is "too bad" then nothing you can do. Get what you want with your money and just get rid of her crap.

Lola'sDogMom · November 2009

Do we have the same MIL????

I feel for you and have no advice. My MIL does the same thing and doesn't care. I just give the stuff away that I don't want or don't use it.

mrs_sherod · November 2009

Have a yard sale at her house with all that crap. I'm kidding. Have DH talk to her and be FIRM with your decision.

Jen&Louie · November 2009

Too bad? What kind of ansewr is that? On one hand, it's nice that she wants to do things for you but, if you have already spoken to her several times about space issues, she should respect that. How about starting to tell her thank you but, you'll have to decline the gift/knick-knack, whatever. Then, stick to it and don't take it into your home.

FWIW - I wouldn't be bailing her out of anything if this frivilous spending is getting her in financial trouble. She needs to work out that issue and not make it your problem.

aliciamariel · November 2009

My ILs do the same thing. When we moved into our house a couple of years ago, they brought up a bunch of stuff, and I packed it back up and made them take it back. Then a couple of visits later, they said they had some things to give us. I told them that I would sell whatever we didn't need. They still try to bring stuff, but it's gotten a lot better. They just brought us a box of hummel figurines this past weekend. Guess what's going on craigslist tonight...

oohgrrl11 · November 2009

Thanks for the responses and advice. I guess we just need to be firmer and if she continues to buy crap, to not feel bad about donating or selling it. My cousin said she has a box by her door so when her mom comes over with junk for her LO she immediately puts it in there and donates it to charity. She doesn't feel bad about it either. She calls it "breaking the cycle." haha

nadiarl · November 2009

SLHurst11:
Have a garage sale with all of the crap from her in it. AND NOTHING ELSE! :::evil laugh:::

LOL, THIS!

:::Head in hands:::: How could you co-sign anything for a person this irresponsible with money? You'll need the garage sale proceeds for when she stops paying her loan because she's bought one to many Santas. It sounds like she has some type of collecting/hoarding disorder, except she hoards it all at your house.

SeaMama · November 2009

My mom does this to us too! And my husband is the same as yours - minimalist when it comes to clutter! Anytime she offers me her stuff that she is too cheap to throw away (cause that's the issue, not wanting or needing us to have it...) I tell her thanks but no thanks. If it doesn't come through our door, I don't have to deal with it. Recently she bought LO a 3 foot tall stuffed pony. We live in a 1-bedroom apartment and spent 3 weeks cleaning it out of stuff we didn't need to make room for the baby's furniture, etc. A HUGE PONY? Really? DH asked if we had to keep it...my answer...just until she leaves town. If people ignore your situation, there is no reason you need to respect their "gifts" in my opinion. If I were you I would start selling stuff on Craigslist and use the extra $ to pay off debts or for savings for LO or something useful. If MIL asks where something went, tell her you didn't have the room for it, but turned it into baby's future. Maybe that will stop her from buying junk and/or she will start giving baby cash presents instead!?

I wouldn't give her the $, and you should stop helping her w/ stuff - any time she needs money tell her you are more than happpy to go without gifts so she can take care of herself.

GOod luck.

oohgrrl11 · November 2009

nadiarl:

SLHurst11:
Have a garage sale with all of the crap from her in it. AND NOTHING ELSE! :::evil laugh:::

LOL, THIS!

:::Head in hands:::: How could you co-sign anything for a person this irresponsible with money? You'll need the garage sale proceeds for when she stops paying her loan because she's bought one to many Santas. It sounds like she has some type of collecting/hoarding disorder, except she hoards it all at your house.

Um, no we did not co-sign anything for her but she did ask. I said I was not comfortable co-signing anything at all. No way would I ever!

axr8111 · November 2009

Just say thank you and sell them or give them away. That's all you can really do.

fiftysixty · November 2009

give them back to her, and tell her they'll be so useful for when she babysits at HER house.

Doesn' tmatter if you only plan on having her babysit every now and then, just keep giving it all back to her.

Ohhh, won't LO love to play with this at grandma's house?

CKLee1107 · November 2009

Does she just attempt to drop it off? I'd tell her to leave it on the curb with a "free" sign on it...maybe she'd get the hint?? (okay, thats probably a bit far to go but when the answer to a polite please stop is "too bad" I don't think I'd feel bad for it....)

MAprincess · November 2009

Your MIL and my mother must be the same people. I told her I was just going to sell whatever she continued to show up with or throw it out. I told her she was wasting her money and driving us nuts. I think she has gotten the picture- at least for now.

madeleines_mommy · November 2009

one word: goodwill

EmmieB · November 2009

oohgrrl11:
Thanks for the responses and advice. I guess we just need to be firmer and if she continues to buy crap, to not feel bad about donating or selling it. My cousin said she has a box by her door so when her mom comes over with junk for her LO she immediately puts it in there and donates it to charity. She doesn't feel bad about it either. She calls it "breaking the cycle." haha

It's a cycle that needs to be broken!

I also think that since you asked nicely and her response was "too bad" and then "bail me out financially" you should have NO GUILT. Just stick it all on cragislist or to be donated and be done with it.

mistywhite400 · November 2009

LOL! we have the same MIL. I just gave up & either throw away the stufff we dont want or donate what can be donated. Her reasoning is...if it's on sale I must buy it, no matter what it is!!!!

madeleines_mommy · November 2009

SeaMama:

My mom does this to us too! And my husband is the same as yours - minimalist when it comes to clutter! Anytime she offers me her stuff that she is too cheap to throw away (cause that's the issue, not wanting or needing us to have it...) I tell her thanks but no thanks. If it doesn't come through our door, I don't have to deal with it. Recently she bought LO a 3 foot tall stuffed pony. We live in a 1-bedroom apartment and spent 3 weeks cleaning it out of stuff we didn't need to make room for the baby's furniture, etc. A HUGE PONY? Really? DH asked if we had to keep it...my answer...just until she leaves town. If people ignore your situation, there is no reason you need to respect their "gifts" in my opinion. If I were you I would start selling stuff on Craigslist and use the extra $ to pay off debts or for savings for LO or something useful. If MIL asks where something went, tell her you didn't have the room for it, but turned it into baby's future. Maybe that will stop her from buying junk and/or she will start giving baby cash presents instead!?

I wouldn't give her the $, and you should stop helping her w/ stuff - any time she needs money tell her you are more than happpy to go without gifts so she can take care of herself.

GOod luck.

omg... I think I just peed a bit over the 3 ft pony

FutureMrsTommy · November 2009

I think we have the same MIL too!! She will see something on our registry and go buy a generic version of it that I don't want. I had a conversation with her about the registry and how difficult it was to pick stuff out and how much research I did on EVERYTHING before registering for it. I told her about how there are so many dangerous things out there for babies and how everything on our registry was chosen with intent and purpose. And I even asked her how she thought I should handle it if someone gets us something that is a different (and unsafe)version of something we registered for. My hope is that she caught the drift, but I am not too hopeful.

And I just know once the baby gets here she is going to constatnly be bringing us all kinds of CRAP!!

Good luck with yours!

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